I need help.

[Annie_C]

Hello,

I am a 16 year old female and for 3 years I've been dating a 24 year old guy.When my mom found out, she freaked..She got CIA and everything involved..When they couldn't do anything..I started seeing this guy again behind her back..And I want her to know..but I don't want to stop seeing him..We love one another very much. He wants to marry me..We have gone together for 3 years..never done anythign sexual..So this is not illegal..Any one have any suggestions?

I wish she would stop trying to make me so damn miserable..I'm happy with him..Why can't she be happy that I'm happy? I don't want or need her to protect me from him. He is not harming me in any way..

[michelemybell]

Annie, You may not feel like you're being harmed, but you are in ways you can't see. First, you should be concentrating on school and getting a life outside of men. Your mom wants you to make something out of yourself and experience life. She doesn't want you to regret your choices that you made now when you are 30.

 

There is probably a 99 percent chance that this relationship wont last. There is a reason why a 24-year old guy is looking at a girl your age and not someone his own age. Dont feel flattered. You are young and naive and it it makes him feel important. But as you get older and start making your own choices, he will feel differently about you. By that time, you will feel used up and jaded, and it will effect your outlook on men and relationships for the rest of your life.

 

There is a reason why she is your mom---She has experience with these things and with age comes wisdom. When you are your mom's age and you have a daughter or son, you will be saying the same things to your kids because you will know better than them at that age because of your life experiences.

 

Dont be another Kara Borden (the 14-year old girl whose parents were killed by her older boyfriend that she just loved so much).

 

Michele

[Serendipity1607307077]

I think it's good that your mother is looking out for you - she's not trying to make things miserable, she is trying to be a good mother and look out for you.

 

I would be very concerned if your mother didn't say anything to you, wouldn't you?

 

See her side of things. You are her daughter who she loves immensely, but you are with someone much older than you. It's not even the fact that he's older, it's the fact that you are still so young, and she doesn't want to see you get into trouble.

 

My suggestion is to let your mother meet with this guy you are seeing. Talk to her on even terms about it, keeping her perspective in mind. Explain how you feel about each other.

 

She is not trying to ruin your life - as I mentioned, I would be very concerned if your mother just brushed this issue off.

[Shadows Light]

I am a mother. While my daughter is no where near your age. If she was 16 and I found out a 24 year old was seeing and had been seeing her for 3 years.

#-o

I would not only go CIA and involve everyone.. I'd blow a headgasket.

 

Why?? because I am her mother. And its my job to raise her into a loving, productive human being before I release her to society and let her spread her wings.

 

How on gods green earth... did you manage to get away with seeing a 21 year old at age 13??????? and see this guy for 3 years undetected. You can PM me with the answer... so I can be sure to keep my eyes peeled on my kid.

 

Look.. your mother is NOT ruining your life. She loves her. Its her job to raise you and to protect you. A 24 year old MAN... is not just going to DATE someone of your young and tender years. Something is not right. is he NOT socially addept with his own age bracket?

 

Ok.. I am thanking the stars that nothing SEXUAL has happened. By the grace of God and the saints... I don't know how you've managed that one. But at least he has "some" scruples.

 

The previous poster said most eloquently.. the way you think as a 16 year old.. will be different at 24 years old.. at 30 years old.

 

These are the years you are still growing phsycially and mentally. These are the years you are acquiring skills in school that will shape the rest of your life. If I were you... I'd cut BF of for a while. Just to see if he'll wait around. Give yourself room to grow and experiences life. When you are 18-19...and if you feel the same way and he's waited for you. Great. But darlin.. you are WAY to young to tie yourself down right now. Even at 18-19... I'd error on the side of caution.. but at least you'd be legal then.

[hk87]

Annie, I think, as the other posters have said, it is slightly strange, ok very strange that a 24 year old guy is with you when you are only 16. You need to experience life, get out meet other guys your own age. Your mum is right to be concerned. I think you should break off things with this guy, mature a little (I'm not saying your immature for your age) just mature as in everyway a 16year old should be. You may act older and everything than you are, but inside your still a little girl, who needs her mum, and needs a helping hand to see the reality of this situation.

 

Hk87

[Bethany]

When I was 16 I went out with a 26 year old and my parents decided it was better to know exactly where I was and who I was with rather than sneaking around behind their back and lying to them, even though they didn't like it one bit. It was a good decision by them as it kinda took all the fun out of it and I realized that we had nothing in common and I dumped him two weeks later.

Sometimes its the shock and refusal from parents to accept that you are becoming an adult and try to keep you a little girl that keep the 'relationship' alive.

[RayKay]

I don't blame your mother, she is not making your life miserable, she is trying to protect you from yourself, and from him.

 

Look, I am 26, I know, and have known PLENTY of men whom are or have been 24. And I can say that having known them, that I would seriously question the motives and mental stability of a 24 year old whom pursued and dated a 16 year old (and for three years prior to that too). I honestly question why a 21-24 year old would date young teen, and not his own peer group.

 

In fact, I just asked a man what he would of thought when he was 24 about dating a 16 year old - his response was "I would have NOTHING in common, certainly not enough to get married. There is too much difference in life experience and maturity. It's different then being 30 and 38 or something, very different".

 

I am glad you are not sexual with him, but I really think you are doing yourself a disservice here. I know you may believe you are very mature and grown up, but the decisions you make now, are ones I think that in the future you may regret. If this guy really is meant for you, then take some time apart from one another - date others, pursue your education, and in a few years if you find each other again, then by all means go for it. Don't get married so young, there is a reason so many of those marriages don't work out (some do, but not many) because you are still learning about yourself, growing into yourself. And by marrying this guy young, being with someone whom I don't believe is with you for the right reasons, you are really harming your own growth. I bet too, he does not even want you to grow up, right now, the allure is that you are young, impressionable and moldable. And that sweetie, is not love.

[RandomAdvisor]

I also have to agree with what everyone else is saying - this relationship is seriously wrong. I think michellemybell made a great point about the motivations of a 21 year old who would date a 13 year old. He is probably immature and unable to find a woman his own age who will take him. I'd think that some regression is taking place here. How was his experience in high school when he was your age? I'd be willing to bet it wasn't a very good time of his life for one reason or another. Perhaps now he's trying to relive that time of his life through you.

[Annie_C]

But for 3 years...Why if alls he wanted was nothing would he stay with me for 3 years? 3 years is a long time..what if I leave this guy and I'm leaving him for the wrong reasons, what if he actually does want something with me? What if he does want a relationship that will last?

..There has to be something out there..not all guys..just do this to "mold" young girls.

[RayKay]

But for 3 years...Why if alls he wanted was nothing would he stay with me for 3 years? 3 years is a long time..what if I leave this guy and I'm leaving him for the wrong reasons, what if he actually does want something with me? What if he does want a relationship that will last?

..There has to be something out there..not all guys..just do this to "mold" young girls.

 

How about you pose a question to more of the 21-24 year old men on here asking why they would want to be with a 13-16 year old girl and see what answer you get? The poster above gave you one response already.

 

He does want something, but it does not have to be sex or something, he wants someone whom somehow thinks he is all that, because I would say the women his age for some reason are not finding him all that. I would be disgusted if I met a 21-24 year old whom was dating a 13-16 year old.

 

He is not even in the very non accurate "minimum dating age" guideline that I hear people "use" - half his age plus 7.....

[RandomAdvisor]

I fall into that 21-24 category, and there is no way in hell I would even consider dating a girl who was 16. 18 at the very youngest for me, and even that would be a bit of a stretch.

 

I often see other posters in similar situations say "I'm a very mature individual for someone my age (teenager), so my relationship with my partner (in their 20's or even 30's) works out." I always respond that it may be true that you are a mature person for a teenager, but it would take an extremely immature and irresponsible person in their 20's to have a relationship with you.