::Quite Ill Again::

[INeedTheCheese]

I'll try and make this fairly brief..ill do it in bullet points?

 

-I am 17, female, and in college

-On the outside I have most things going for me..im healthy/attractive/have friends/a boyfriend/family/good chance at education

-I was anorexic between ages 14-15...I still have that mindset.

-I got a rapid psychiatric referral earlier this year for suicidal feelings/deep depression, I was told I have Aspergers Syndrome but whilst I have some tendencies, I dont think it goes anywhere near explaining why I felt and feel so sh*te, as was implied by my shrink, who I have now stopped seeing as she made me cross

-I chucked in grammar school to go to college where I'm doing better subjects and meeting more people on my mothers suggestion, but

-My motivation to work is slipping as it did last year

-My father is a *bury head in sand* type, my mother gets hysterical or angry when I talk about feeling depressed or suicidal - I dont blame her, thats her coping, but it means I hide all my bad feelings from her nowadays

-I feel ugly and empty

-I was never an upbeat kid, I would say bizarrely I am an extrovert (I am really into acting/drama at college) but dear f*ck am i depressed...people arnt nasty to me, im not bullied, but im so miserable

-I have friends to talk to but it doesnt make any difference beyond 20 minutes or so

 

Its not healthy to be like this, is it? Ive tried therapy..switching college subjects...going out more..new hobbies...more exercise..religion...self help books...NOW WHAT?

-I cant see a lot of point in the future

[Alabama]

It seems obvious that you'd tried coping with your depression through going out, friends, therapy, etc. All I think of to say is have hope. I am sure that even though you get depressed a lot, that there is a cure. Sorry I can't be of much help. Good luck.

[Jessica45]

I think you should just try to think more positively, make an effort to see things differently and when your day is over, before u go to sleep, name 10 good things that happened today. It has always helped me, when i was down. Last year i got really depressed just from all the pressure and responsibilities and then i started to lose the ability to concentrate, too. But then i just tried to have a more positive outlook. It a lot easier said then done, but good luck!!!!

[Angelindisguise]

Sounds like you have a lot of things going for ya! Your a lucky gal. Many people would love to be in your shoes. As far as talking to the friends thing.....we are always here for u! Take it one day at a time and it will get better. Find something you really enjoy, maybe u need a big change in your life. Move and start all over again. I have had negative thoughts b4 but you can never go as far as suicide. What's the worst that could happen? Move to a new city/state/heck country and start ALL OVER AGAIN. It's a small fantasy of mine.....so exciting. U always have options. You need to learn to love yourself and go from there. Dig deep down and learn to respect yourself and enjoy being the person you are I've been there done that, and heck if i can do it you sure can! Good luck and take care!!! Keep us posted!