need advice!! please read

[tater123]

I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months now. We started out as friends and instantly clicked upon meeting...i love being around him and we both make each other laugh all the time. When I decided to get in a relationship with him I had already accepted that the fact that he could get emotional at times and I felt prepared to handle it.

 

The main problem in our relationship is his self-confidence. I know he feels like he's not attractive and not a good guy and doesnt think he treats me well. When he's drunk, he's tried multiple times to stop seeing me because he's afraid to hurt me/wear me down. Recently I just found out that he cuts/burns himself at times when he's really overwhelmed with things. I confronted him with this and he explained to me that hurting himself is a way for him to feel better since pain releases endorphins and that it;s more common than i think...apparently 30% of people cut/burn themselves to feel better??? This doesn't seem normal to me.

 

The other thing is his mood swings. The smallest things will sometimes piss him off and he'll act strange for a short time, then apologize afterwards and say he was being stupid and that he doesnt mean it. Last weekend I had a hell week so to speak as far as school work goes and hadn't gotten much sleep over the past few days. He came to visit me and I told him I needed to get some sleep but for him to come anytime that day. So he gets here, tells me to take a nap and walks around campus while i sleep for awhile...but when he comes back I feel really guilty because he seems sort of mad. Then he'll go back to normal pretty quick.

 

He also tells me that the physical part of our relationship isnt nearly as important and if it came down to it, he I would stay with me even if he didnt "get any". Yet, last night he went up to one of my guy friends and told him "Hey do you think you can lure Jess (my roomie) out of the room tonight...I want to get some. I mean I already had some semen released but I could use it again". thats gross! why would he say that and tell me differently? he never forces me to do anything and considers my feelings all the time so why would he say that? am i supposed to believe that or him?

 

My boyfriend basically doesnt talk to anyone about his problems and i cant imagine not talking to anyone about the stuff he goes through/thinks about. hes opened up to me a lot more than he has to most people and i know i have made at least some difference in his confidence level. I think I can take a lot in a relationship, im pretty laid back, and i like this guy....not as much as he likes me but i like him. is it right to stay in a relationship when hes like this? some of this stuff scares me.

 

Please offer some opinions! I don't have anyone to talk to since I will not violate his trust.

[Gilgamesh]

Well in no way 30% of the population is cutting and burning themselves maybe thats what he wants to believe to feel better over what he is doing to himself.

 

This man is not a hurt puppy you can fix, yes he is hurt and obviously has issues, he is not in control over his emotions and knows this enough to even "warn" you about it.

 

He needs to seek out proffesional help, you'r "kindness, love or pity" is not going to help him with his problem.

[jo.mcqueen]

I agree with Gilgamesh I think he is beyond your help and I think the best thing you could do for him is to give him space, to get professional help, letting him know that you are there for him if he needs you!!!!

[tater123]

i feel like he isnt THAT bad... i think hes only cut/burn himself a few times within a few years. im afraid he wont talk to me anymore if i break up with him though that isnt my reason for staying with him right now.