question for the dumper

[NR498E]

is there anyone out there that has dumped someone after a long relationship?If so,how come?How did you feel after you did it?The dumper usualy seems not to even care.What kind of feelings are there?There has to be some.And lastly ive read a few posts on here were the people said how hard it was to dump him or her.What the hell is that supposed to mean?

[bsp_kjm]

id also like to know why the "dumper" seems to do the dumping with such ease, even when the relationship seemed completely fine. My ex, who dumped me, goes on with her life like nothing is wrong while I'm falling behind in classes, dont want to socialize, suffering at work, cant eat or sleep... what the fudge?

[HappyKat]

I walked away after 3 years. Didn't want to do it, until my bf made clear to me that we had gone as far as we were going to in our relationship. I thought he was 'the one' but he was just stringing me along (I guess for sex & home-cooked meals???) knowing I was hoping for a future together, talking a good game until the time care for *action*...he didn't have the b*lls to end it, just kept pulling back & putting off until I figured it out.

 

Feels like crap to finally see where it's all headed. Feels like crap to hear the BS "I love you" when you know it's a lie. Feels like crap as you walk away with their eyeballs burning into your backside, knowing you were used and played. Feels like bittersweet relief to know they can't use you anymore, but you're totally alone.

 

I loved him completely, gave all that I could--but I might as well have handed him a pile of dogpoop the way he rejected me. (And then says "I love you????" *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED*?)

 

The hardest part about the final confrontation is getting it started. It's all downhill from there.

[shes2smart]

Being the dumped is no easier than being the one getting dumped.

 

The times I have been the one initiating the break-up, I have known for some time that things aren't right in the relationship. There is usually a period of several months where I made attempts to address the issues with the other party and I was either ignored or my concerns were minimized or there was no way to resolve the conflict (such as one person being ready to get married and the other not wanting to). A break-up is generally a last resort kind of option...the person initiating has tried everything they are willing to do and it's still not working.

 

Looking back on the times I was dumped, I can see there were some warning signs that the other person was getting ready to leave. Hindsight is 20/20, afterall, and if you're content with the relationship, you're not exactly motivated to make any changes or maybe not open to hearing your partner isn't as content as you are.

 

The difference between the dumper and the dumpee is that the person who initiates the break-up goes through their angst and indecision and hard emotional work BEFORE the split, while the dumper sorts through all that AFTER the split. Both sides suck because endings are difficult for most people. Each side sucks in different ways and at different times and neither side has it any easier or better than the other.

[HappyKat]

Bravo, shes2smart, that's EXACTLY the way it is!

[justlookin]

is there anyone out there that has dumped someone after a long relationship?If so,how come?How did you feel after you did it?The dumper usualy seems not to even care.What kind of feelings are there?There has to be some.And lastly ive read a few posts on here were the people said how hard it was to dump him or her.What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I ended a relationship after 1 1/2 yrs about 3 yrs ago.There is a guy on here named chia714 with a thread on the psychology of a break up.It seemed to hit the nail on the head for me.My problem was, there always seemed to be greener grass and I start listening to other people.