what is wrong with me? People are like a different species.

[registered]

Hi everyone, I feel as if I am in a bit of trouble.

 

 

One thing that is affecting my relationships with people I know is that I don't feel like talking to them. I don't know what to do.

 

I am really distant to people and the world and don't say much to anyone - I don't feel like it.

 

It is not a matter of laziness or being not willing to talk to people. It is a feeling deep within me that _prevents_ me from wanting to speak with people.

 

I feel extremely distant to other people and I do not relate well to them. People also do not relate well to me - even when I am feeling really terrific and use every ounce of effort I have to talk and be normal (and I do a pretty good job ) people still treat me differently and do not understand me.

 

I am very good at making conversation and speaking, but this doesn't come naturally to me and requires a lot of thought and effort.

So this issue hasn't affected my life to the point where the world hates me.

 

I have no friends. Also, I don't really ever want to speak to the people I know.

Ironically, I want to speak to them, even when I have the chance to because I am pretty lonely - but this other feeling is overwhelming and means that I just don't speak to them.

 

I feel that I have come to some crossroads.

If I stay like this I won't have anyone in my life (like now), but I will also be lonely (a feeling of _extreme_ loneliness, so extreme I will go to a shop and buy something just so I can speak to the cashier).

Or I can be more talkative and have people in my life, but also ignore this feeling I have to not talk to people.

 

One thing I would really like in life is a friend and especially a girlfriend (I'm a guy).

However, I feel really worthless, like other people would waste their time talking to me. (This is not really an irrational feeling. I think that people really don't value my company. I have a good self esteem, I know that I am a good person and I like myself. But I also know that for some reason other people do not like me and prefer me not in their lives).

 

I don't feel like feeling of not wanting to talk to other people can disappear. I feel that it is apart of me (I have always had it, literally for my entire life).

So I feel like I won't ever have any friends, and especially not a girlfriend.

This is hard though because I am contantly around people, and actually need people in my life. Maybe if I was living alone in the middle of nowhere it wouldn't be a problem.

 

I really want a girlfriend, moreso then just a platonic relationship with anyone. This is because I don't feel like I can talk to people, but I want to hold someone, to give them support in life, and to share my life with them. Now, obviously I know that talking is a large part of any relationship. This is my problem.

If I stay like this I will never have a friend or girlfriend.

 

I am really hurting someone who likes to talk to me because I just can't speak to them. I really want to speak to them but something within me stops me. I really don't want to hurt them.

 

 

I know that many people are like this. Could anyone please help me? I know that I have this problem but I don't know what to do next.

It could be a psychological problem or a physical problem. I know that this sort of thing can result from a number of things.

I feel really lost and really small.

 

Could anyone please tell me of being in a similar position or make a suggestion on what I should do?

 

Thanks everyone.

 

--edit: I am considering seeing a doctor about it. Is this a good idea?

[TheDMan05]

It sounds like you may have an avoidant personality.

 

 

 

Read this, it's quite long but, if you recognise this in yourself you will be able to get the help you seek.

[QTpie87]

wow that must be whats wrong with me too.

[registered]

Thanks TheDMan05 for that information.

 

I have thought for some years now that there is probably something wrong with my brain that prevents me from functioning in normal ways. Though I don't really think (hope?) that this is so. But I don't actually know.

I know that only a doctor can diagnose these things and so I know better than to make a judgement myself.

Initially (years ago) I thought that maybe asperger's syndrome was akin to what I was experiencing. That AvPD document is like a summary of my life in every way lol, in places it actually paraphrases what I wrote above lol. Many of the other things in that disorder apply to me too like social anxiety (which I have been able to manage). Also my experiences in life are consistent with what causes these things.

 

But I have some concerns Let's say I go to a doctor and they were to diagnose such a problem.

I firstly don't want to take any drugs of any sort - I am opposed to that and do not even take paracetamol pain killers lol. I know that we have to do whatever it takes to help ourselves in such situations but drugs are not necessarily the best way out and nor do they do exclusively what they are supposed to.

Also, I realise that if you are diagnosed with such a condition you are categorised and labelled in such a way that others think of you as incapable of taking suitable care for yourself and they would be willing (forcing?) to take the application of the "care" that they recommend upon themselves.

Also, is it right to go to a doctor and ask to have a condition like that diagnosed? I mean, wouldn't it be an easy thing to miss or to over-diagnose?

 

I am not worried about such problems, I mean they don't keep me up at night lol. I am just worried about dealing with the consequences of the way I act and behave because these are painful.

Really, seeing a doctor is a last resort - I do want to help myself but I also want to do so in the most appropriate and necessary way. But I am considering it and waiting to be swayed one way or another

 

Also, what sort of doctor would it ever be wise to see -- I think some doctors are "trigger happy" with diagnosis and selling their wares.

[teacup]

having a gf isnt so great if it's not the right person. you still feel like something's missing. a big hole. sometimes it makes you feel like the hole's even bigger because you have someone but they're just not right.

 

plus relationships and dating is so messy and a big headache.

 

but i know what u mean about the feeling. i feel so alienated from ppl sometimes. sometimes i dont even want to talk to online ppl cuz im just not feeling in tune with anyone.

 

i used to feel this way ALL the time but it got a tiny bit better over the years. i'll think of a better answer....

[registered]

thanks teacup, there is hope I guess.

 

I agree with what you say about girlfriends and relationships too, I can only hope to find someone right I guess or just forget about it all together and prefer not to relate to anyone.