Train Wreck

[nedyak]

Alrighty- this is one's for the girls. When your man gives you oral pleasure does is really feel wonderful, because I'm pretty sure my bf is doing it right, but I feel as though it's nothing special. He does stuff that turns me on ( the act of doing it does) but I do not feel as though I could have an orgasm.

 

My second question is when I have tried to be on top during sex to create rubbing between my genatils when he is inside me, I cannot seem to grind on anything. The spot under his tummy does not come in contact with my clit. Is there any advice?

 

Also another problem I am having and have been haing is what some would call "penis envy." I hate it that he can have orgasms and i cannot. I try to forget about it and know i cannot change it ( the anatomy or men and women) but I just get jelous and frustrated. I have even cried about it a few times. I'm an adult now and have been waiting to have one for a while. I have been having sex for a yr and 1/2 and have only once reached any type of "sensation" from intercourse.

 

HOw is it that other girls can orgasm and I cannot?

[WyseOne]

Can you give yourself an orgasm?

[nedyak]

no I cannot, although I do have a vibrator. The only type of good sensation I feel is when I wrap my legs around a pillow and grind on it...

[WyseOne]

What kind of orgasm are you trying to have? G-spot or clitoris? BTW, I am not a girl but I may be able to help.

 

I can't believe I asked that. #-o

[nedyak]

Through the clit, I have explored my gspot a bit and find the clit to be more pleasurable.

 

Anyione else can help

[WyseOne]

The only advise I can give is try to give yourself one first. If the vibrator isn't doing it then you may try using your fingers, you know your body better than anyone. Once you feel comfortable giving yourself one then you can guide your boyfriend to do the same. It will help if you talk to him while he is performing oral, let him know when he has found the spot. I think you will both be rewarded in the end. G-spot orgasms are a whole different ball game and something that a lot of women never experience.

 

Remember you need to help yourself before you can help him.

[PocoDiablo]

Orgasms require you to be relaxed and in good health. If you are tired or stressed, or concentrating too much on achiving it, you probably won't be able to come.

 

Do you get enough sleep? What about eating right? Drinking ruins your sleep patterns, as does smoking. Drugs, probably.

 

You do need to figure out how to give yourself one first. Vibrators can help. So can lube (we like the Foreplay brand, online or at sex shops.) Then when you figure it out, see if you can get your man to help.

 

My GF takes upwards of 1-2 HOURS to have an orgasm. It just takes her a long time. You may need to try some fantasy play or advanced sex techniques. You want a crazy recommendation? Try anal sex with a vibrator on your clit. I've been told it's the most amazing and intense orgasm ever - from guess who?

[WyseOne]

True, trying too hard and not relaxing will prevent it. Good advise PocoDiablo but the anal part may not be an option for her.

[woebegone]

Using the pillow like you do is a great technique. You can position yourself and it so you are simulating actual sex, and you can let your mind go free more easily. Keep in mind that it can take a long time to achieve an orgasm especially if it is something new to you. Just wait until you are really in the mood and "make love" to the pillow (which sounds really silly but hey, it's what it is, isn't it?) Body pillows work best. >.>

 

Have you tried having him massage your clit manually while you were on top? Maybe can you?

 

(I'm a virgin so if my advice stinks, that's my excuse.) Hope I helped

[SnookDaddy]

My wife can orgasm a couple of ways, but very specific for her - Me on top, very missionary, but one leg OVER one of hers and I need to move as far "up" forward as I can. Then let the motioning come from her... the other is oral sex, but only 69 with me on top...I tell you this because these are "her" ways, you'll find yours and then you need to share them with your bf. Teach him and help him explore you together.

[Day_Walker]

I think your bf and you need to experiment and try to find what exactly feels pleasureable for you and can bring you to orgasm.

[Shadows Light]

Are all women capable or reaching orgasm? unless there is some rare congenital abnormality or extensive genital surgery where nerves have been cut.

 

I'm not going to quote it again.. but there is a huge percentage of woman who can not reach orgasm through penetration alone. So, the position you've chosen.. You on top is a good one. Have you tried getting him to give you a helping hand in this position.. by reaching between you and manually stimulating you??? or how about a pocket-pal vibrator.. something non-threatening lookin so he doens't FREAK.. and put it up against your clit while having intercourse.... just an idea.

 

Most women reach their first orgasm all by themselves. Few things you have to do before you begin. First, you have to:

 

• Be comfortable with your own body. Get yourself an anatomy book. Look it up on the net. And find out where everything is. Get yourself a hand-held mirror and take a look for yourself.
  
• What do you think??? Does your mind tell you its beautiful, clean, dirty??? are you ok with masterbating???
  
• You talked about grinding on a pillow.. ok.. have you found your clitoris.. ??? with your fingers??? sometimes to start off with direct pressure may be too much.. so go around it...touch it... let the pad of your finger glide over it. IF YOU LOOK UP DRAGONGIRLS tips for oral.. I think she has a fantastic write up for guys touching their partners.

- Now.. the biggest thing is that you need to be turned on enough or it may not work. Do you read Romance Novels??? sometimes just a romance novel will get things ummm primed.. or get you in the mood. Or maybe you need something a little more direct.. well, there are magazines out there with FORUMS.. that have erotic stories that titalate and stimulate. Try reading a few of those stories and see if they don't put you in the mood. Once you are in the mood.. then reach down and start touching yourself. Maybe while still reading the book/magazine.. whatever it is. Keep your fingers on and around the clitoris. It does take women a lot longer to get to peak the average is at about 15 minutes or so. So depending on how turned on you are... the faster you will go.

 

 

Don't try penetration.. just touch yourself manually. Once you've learned to orgasm on your own.. and a bit of how it works.. then you'll get more comfortable with your partner. Have you tried it in the bath-tub while bathing??? this works as you are relaxed. I usually get a good book to read in the bath.. or you can set the mood with candles and music. Give yourself time and relax. Don't reach for something.. just enjoy the sensations. Once you feel the build up coming don't stop what you are doing.. keep it going.. when you've hit the cataclysmic orgasm

you'll know it. HA!! just kidding .. you won't have a volcanic erruption orgasm everytime. Alone or w/ BF. Sometimes its a small .... ahhhhhhh and other times its a raging BIG BANG...go figure.. its always different. And never easy to predict.. which one you are going to get. Depends on how excited you get.

 

If you are still having difficulties... go to your nearest "sex toy store"... hopefully there is something descently tasteful in your area.. or you can find this product on line at..

 

Its a Clitoral Stimulating Gel...its said to increase the sensation of your intimate pleasure. The sales girl I talked to said they sell more of this stuff than anything to women.. women who've difficulties experiencing orgasms.. I never had a problem.. I just thought "hey.. maybe real good could get really really good.. LOL"... so I tried it. Its a natural product..

and .. yeah, I'd say it works. I wouldn't use it w/ my BF.. whats the point?? besides.. it has a bitter taste to it. And LORD Knows we don't want to ruin a good thing here.. I like ORAL just a bit to much. We wouldn't want to put him off of it thank-you. But give it a try.

 

 

books tha you may want to read: 'Turn Ons, Pleasing Yourself While You Please Your Lover' by Dr. Lonnie Barbach; 'Great Sex' by Anne Hooper.

 

Try picking up some books to read... you'd be surprised at the selection your local library has... Knowledge is power. And the more you know.. the better things will get for you.

Good-luck... and I hope that you find yourself soon. Then you can teach him what it takes to get you over the edge. lol.

[PocoDiablo]

Are all women capable or reaching orgasm? unless there is some rare congenital abnormality or extensive genital surgery where nerves have been cut.

There is a tiny number of women who cannot orgasm. It's very rare though, and unlikely this is the case.

 

I've been with a number of women who, while experienced with a few men, had never had an orgasm before. Key word: Before.

 

It'll happen, just take your time.

[Shadows Light]

And to add to that poco... i think it depends on who you are with... I was never able to orgasm with penetration.. and now I can.

[woebegone]

It does take women a lot longer to get to peak the average is at about 15 minutes or so. So depending on how turned on you are... the faster you will go.

 

I don't really think there is an "average" on how long it takes to orgasm. I can take 10 minutes... 30 minutes... or over an hour. It depends on many factors- arousal, technique, position, etc. So don't get discouraged if you don't finish in "15 minutes." All women are different.

[Süsser Tod]

MY GF was like that, she was convinced she could not have orgasms...

 

 

When we started having sex, we had 6 hour long sessions! Can you guess what happened?

 

Over the time we figured out what she liked, how she liked it, where she liked it, and most important of all, she got to know what to do to get herself there.

 

Now there are no more 6 hour sessions, as she can get there in 5 minutes Well, guess it is good.

 

 

I think that the main issue here is lack of self knowledge. You can't expect to have an orgasm if you can't give yourself one, you must know what will get you there, how it will get you there and get to know the sensations that are close to that point.

 

I would advise some long solo sessions to explore and enjoy yourself. Don't try to orgasm, just try to get to know yourself and how your body feels.