should i move??

[amylyn930]

Let me tell you my story..

I am 19, a freshman in college and I am going to the community college and still living at home with my parents. I was suppose to go away to school last fall but ended up changing my mind last minute because it was a privte school, I wasnt in love with it, and if I wanted to one day transfer half the credits wouldnt be accepted anywhere else So it would have been a waste of time and money. I hate the fact that I am going to the community college and STILL living at home. I have always said as soon as I turn 18 im moving out.. and I have always waited for that day.. and here I am 19.. still living at home. I am sick of it, and living in this city.. I never lived anywhere else in 19 years and I have known the SAME people the whole time. All of my friends have their own life now and we talk occasionally but i just crave moving away and meeting new people.. and being on my own!

 

So my option..

 

My boyfriend of 2 yrs lives in Alabama during the school year he goes to Auburn University. I have been thinking seriously about moving up there after Christmas and going to the community college (10 mins away from his campus) next semester and then Auburn in the fall. He is living on an on-campus apartment so we couldnt live together because he has to finish the school yaer out in it. But we decided that we are going to live up there year-round because the main reason he came home during summers and stuff was to see me. So during the summer we can get an apartment together.. and live "happily ever after"..

 

The problem..

 

I can't decide if I should move up their in the Spring or wait until the summer. I know it would be soo much smarter to wait untiil the summer (money wise) Because I am in some debt and it would give me time to get it all paid off and to save some money to rely on while I am up there. Also if I wait until summer I would have someone to share rent with.. and I wouldnt have to spend five months bymyself.. I asked God to send me a sign with what I should do and stuff and then that night I got an email about a job-opening for 30 hours a week.. which is perfect.. but I would still be struggling to pay bills... pay off my debt.. and buy everything I am going to need for an apartment (dishes,towels, blankets, plates, etc) So it would be soo much smarter to wait until summer.. but at the same time I dont want to wait at all and the thought of it kills me... I know 5 months isnt that long.. but its the fact that my b/f and I have been separated for a year and a half now.. i forgot what it is like to just be able to hang out with your boyfriend whenever you want.. and im sick of seeing other couples together and just knowing that I am old enough and done with high school and I can do something about it.. My heart says to move in the spring.. but my mind thinks about how hard it is going to be and basically reality.. But if I move up there I am going to take out a student loan for back-up money.. and I mean we are only in college once.. I feel that I should really take this chance.. but I know I have the rest of my life to live on my own..

 

So tell me what you would do if you were me.. or if anyone ever dealt with something like this.. what did you choose and how did it work out.. and should I listen to my heart or be smart about it and wait...

[PocoDiablo]

Man, living rent free is soooo cool....

 

But I love moving. It's great. Tough call to make...

[smallworld]

Amylyn, I think you've pretty much decided you want to move to Alabama, it's just a matter of when. The question is what's more important to you? Living near the bf asap? Or starting out with less debt?

 

Also - If worse comes to worse and you two breakup, what impact if any will this have on you? your living situation?

 

I see several options that may not have occurred to you.

 

#1. You might want to finish out this semester but spend the next few working full time and making as much money as possible. Fiscally it makes more sense to do this rent free under your parent's roof, but only you can say what's more important to you at this point.

 

#2. Although moving into your first apartment is a lot of fun, please don't make the mistake of thinking that you need new "everythings." If money is tight, you'd be better off borrowing, begging, and thrifting to make things homey. If you can't afford to pay cash, don't buy. Only incur debt if you're going to use it to invest in your future, i.e. tuition.

 

#3. Have you visited the admissions office at Auburn to find out how easy it's going to be to transfer in from a community college? Some CC's have a better reputation than others and their students have a better chance of transferring into the four year university of their choice. It might help to know these things before you apply.

 

#4. Are there other ways you can meet new people and try new experiences before you move to Alabama? (i.e. School clubs, volunteer opportunities, internships, etc.) I know you miss your boyfriend and things can get lonely at times, but the truth is no matter how wonderful any relationship is, a relationship in and of itself will never fulfill us. It's important to have friends, interests, and ambitions of our own. If community college isn't "doing it" for you, then maybe it's time to explore what would. Making new friends and learning what inspires you now is great practice for when you do finally move far away from home and live on your own for the first time. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that no matter where you go, you can rely on yourself and handle whatever comes your way.

 

Good luck!

[armchairshrink]

Hey, Amlyn. I can't add much to what smallworld said, but I have a few thoughts.

 

First, your original question: Move when you can afford it better. Less debt is good; you'll be racking up enough in college. If your boyfriend loves you that much, he'll understand.

 

Now for the unsolicited part: What do your parents think of your moving? Are they behind it, or will they disown you if you do it? Because college can be a tough gig; and no matter how independent you are, at some point you will need both money and the support of your family.

 

It sounds like you've already considered this point, but I'll say it anyway: Make sure you're moving for the right reasons. The right reasons include things like you want to get out and live life, you want to see other parts of the country, you want to stretch your wings (all of which you have already said you want, so cool

 

The reason I'm stressing this point is that you and your boyfriend could break up, and it will be even harder than usual if you're living together. I'm not wishing it on you, but people grow and change more between the ages of 18 - 24 than at any other time in their life except infancy. I read that somewhere and I can't remember where or I would provide the reference. But it makes sense, and the college years were a time of extreme change and growth for me and everyone I've known.

 

So you and your boyfriend both will be experiencing new things and growing. What if you grow in different directions? What if you don't like the person he's becoming or vice versa? Will there still be a "happily ever after", or will it break you up?

 

Also consider this: you're moving away to experience new things, but you plan to live with your old boyfriend. I don't mean "old" in a derogatory sense; I just mean that he's a pretty significant someone in your life from home. We could just as easily substitute your best friend or a relative in this discussion. The point is, he is someone who loves you just the way you are. That's wonderful, but how much growing and "experiencing" can you do if you're living with him (and I'm not just talking about sex here)?

 

Believe me, 2 things you do NOT want during college are relationship problems and roommate problems. I've had both, and they seriously screwed up my grades. And if your boyfriend is your roommate and things start to go south, you're in for a very bumpy ride.

 

College can be a great time of self-discovery and self-definition. But it's also the time that you really decide "what you want to be when you grow up" and start learning how to do that thing. Live and enjoy your life, but try not to let too many things mess with your grades. You said you'll be paying for your own classes (from student loans), so you don't want to have to retake too many. You would just be flushing money down the drain -- and you'd have to pay it all back eventually.

 

I'm sorry if I sound "preachy", but the advice I'm giving is distilled from the years of my college experience. If I had figured out some of this stuff earlier, my life would be very different now. Don't get me wrong, I love the life I have -- and I'm not sure I would have liked the life I would have had -- but some of the decisions I made in college really did change the course of my life. (Darn it, mom and dad were right. Good thing this forum's anonymous!)

 

Anyway, I hope this helps. Please let us know what you decide!

[amylyn930]

I think I have decided to just take the chance and go... even if we break up tom.. I still would.. Im not just doing it for him.. I love Auburn as a school and I love the town.. and it is going to a new experience and help me form a new outlook on life.. My boyfriend and I might not have a "happily ever after" we are both aware of that and we are open minded about it.. i wouldnt look at it as a waste of time but I would take what I learned from him and apply it somewhere new.. i do feel my reassons for moving there are right... and my parents are supportive of the idea or anything that i decide to do.. and they are the ones paying for college...

Smallworld you are right about the " think you've pretty much decided you want to move to Alabama, it's just a matter of when The question is what's more important to you? Living near the bf asap? Or starting out with less debt? " whats more important is for me to leave this town and get out.. to not live with my parents anymore and to move out of florida lol thats why i am going to do that and take a risk.. and i have talked to the auburn people and everything is going to work out fine.. i have a job up there and a place pretty much lined up..

 

thank you all for your advice

[NemesisCD]

I have a very simular problem with my GF that lives in Chicago.....I was hoping i could get some advice from somone/anyone. Anyways here we go.

 

 

We met online about 5-6 months ago- she took a trip to vegas on her 21st birthday and we formally met in person that time. We basically fell in love with eachother then- ever since then she has been coming to visit every 1-2 months. Shes a junior in college and lives at home with her parents that she cant stand anymore....I live here in vegas i have a 4 bedroom house that are filled with roomates and im taken care of my mom aswell.

 

She has 1 more year left of school and she can't take it- her parents mostly. She wants to move in with me.....I've never lived with a girl before and im really not prepared too. I told her what i thought of the situation and that i wanted her to finish school and then do what she wants. It suks becuase i don't want her to leave with bad ammends from her parents- and i defently dont want her to leave without finishing her last year of school. And now she seems upset cuase its a big decision for me and her. She thinks its easy to do but its not its a huge decision. I just wanted second opinions about this it's a little confuseing.

[amylyn930]

Well our situations are a bit different..

I am not moving to just be near my boyfriend.. but for the "true college experience"

 

I think what you and your girlfriend should do is to take baby steps.. it would make the "huge decision" eaiser for her.. but it would still be a big dcision and life changing.. but keep this in mind *Our Destiny is Made Up From The Chances we take and the choices we make* so maybe its a chance worth taking..

 

Here is my suggestion..

Maybe she should move to the area.. (not in with you) this way you guys can get used to seeing eachother basically everyday and not just once every month or so.. (that would be the baby step) Plus she can get away from her parents.. when she is done with school of course!!!

 

Then when you BOTH feel perfectly okay with it and get more comfortable being around one another and form a good physcial bond then you should consider moving in together.. if you don't have any more doubts..

 

For her to go from living with her parents then to living with you might screw her up and cause for regret later on.. no time for her to really be on her own and experience living independently... since you have the experience of living with room-mates and stuff..

 

I just think you should take baby steps it would be better for you both personally and as a couple.. and if you both plan on spending your lives together.. you'll have to do it sometime..

 

I hope this helps.. keep me informed on what you decide to do..

[NemesisCD]

Thanks for the advice, I just need to sit on it for ahwile and really thinkit over. Thanks again.