the hardest goodbye..

[Copeland]

Hi,

 

well, let me explain a little how things are. I have been with a guy for just over 2 years now. Its been nice, but it lost a lot of its edge.

 

We have never been the average couple. We are completely different people; I'm very social and don't mind being with people I don't know - he doesn't like going out, won't introduce himself to people and hates small talk, I like to go to clubs/pubs/bars with my friends and have a few drinks - hes T-Total, I like to dance - he doesn't understand why people dance, I like romance - he says 'fancy a shag'. See where I'm coming from. Well.. basically everyway possible, we are opposites. I'm sure you all asking how on earth has this lasted so long. The answer is I'm not sure. We have a common interest though. Gadgets and children and with my sisters two children we come together and it all seems right. But I know this isnt enough and not a reason to be together.

 

We spend time together now, it's nice company, but I wouldn't say its any more than that. I'm not convinced I'm attracted to him as I once was and my imaginations sometimes runs wild when I see or meet new people. Not that I would stray whilst with him. I respect him and wouldn't want to hurt him.

 

He's not easy to deal with. difficult to talk to and when every I say I want to talk about things, it usually results in us both getting upset, falling asleep and then being forgotten about the next day. He says he has never been happier before in his life. I feel happy, just not fulfilled.

 

We have talked about what each of us wants from life and its clear that we want to be heading in completely different directions. Perhaps its the comfort zone factor thats keeping us together. Its easy, its familiar and its forgiving. I don't mean to sound ungratful, but its not enough for me.

 

I think its time to move on for both of us, I just don't know how to make the first step.

[Twinkle_]

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, see how he takes it. Don't be pressured into staying if you're not happy.

 

Maybe you'll be freidns, maybe you won't, but you know this is soemthing you need to do.

 

Let us know how you get on x

[Princess18]

i feel exactly the same with my boyfriend. i feel like its time to move on but i just dont know how tell him- He says he'll happily marry me but im not so sure

 

JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

[RayKay]

 

We have talked about what each of us wants from life and its clear that we want to be heading in completely different directions. Perhaps its the comfort zone factor thats keeping us together. Its easy, its familiar and its forgiving. I don't mean to sound ungratful, but its not enough for me.

 

 

 

It is this that jumped out most from your post. I know many couples whom are opposites and are also very compatible at the same time and know they are to be together, because while their interests may vary greatly, they share the same values and goals for the relationship...

 

I also know many couples whom share/shared almost every interest, but were so differed in their goals and values for the future of the relationship and themselves, that they could not/can't make it work very well.

 

For me, it is VERY important that when it comes to the fundamentals that are important to me - when it comes to the goals for our relationship, when it comes to raising children, when it comes to how we see each other, how we share time together, how compatible our lifestyles are, when they differ, they are dealbreakers for me. Now, for some they may not be but what matters is how you feel about it.

 

You may love him, but your heart is already telling you he is not the right one for you. Now, it is very possible you leave and realize you DO want him...and then you will have to live and deal with that, however it is also quite possible that once you are out, you will realize it was indeed right, as much as it hurt. Now, it will hurt him, but he too deserves to be with someone whom IS very happy with him and can love him fully and completely to their capactiy and IS sure. Just as you deserve the same, you know? It sounds like for you, this relationship was part of your journey, but he is not the ONE. You may have learned, and loved, but he is not the one that makes you say "this is it!" (recognizing of course ALL relationships require effort, there is a FEELING that things are right when they are).

 

I am not advocating either way, it is something you need to search your own heart and gut for to find the answer. If you do decide to break it off...you need to just do it calmly and respectfully. Tell him why, and limit your contact with him - do not lead him on with "maybe one day, I just need time...etc...etc". Make it clean.

[Copeland]

Thanks for you advise guys..RayKay especially. I think you had hit the nail on the head. But i'm sure too you understand, making that move, setting the wheels in motion.. its a big leap of faith. One that needs to be taken, but one that takes a lot of courage. It'll come. At some point, risk have to be taken. In one way or another.