Should I stay or should I go?

[someguy69]

Haven't done anything yet, so feel free to add more tidbits of advice.

 

I have a lot of things to get off my chest, but I am really bad at doing them face to face. It is because I cannot express myself properly face to face that I am in this situation. Is it really so bad to express myself in email?

[RayKay]

Haven't done anything yet, so feel free to add more tidbits of advice.

 

I have a lot of things to get off my chest, but I am really bad at doing them face to face. It is because I cannot express myself properly face to face that I am in this situation. Is it really so bad to express myself in email?

 

I think email is not the best way.

 

But I do understand your dilemma, I am much the same way in that respect in that - how about you write a letter, but give it to her in person, and stay close by while she reads it so you are there to discuss it?

[someguy69]

But I do understand your dilemma, I am much the same way in that respect in that - how about you write a letter, but give it to her in person, and stay close by while she reads it so you are there to discuss it?

 

Sounds tortuous. Should said letter end with something like we need some time apart, or goodbye?

[someguy69]

Also note that she lives with her brother, so I run the risk of him being there (or coming home) and me being double teamed.

[RayKay]

Yeah, but classier and more dignfied then email. You have been with this girl for a couple years, so an email is definitely not fair in this regard!

 

Honestly, if her brother was to show up, then you would have to stand your ground and tell him it was a matter between the two of you, but try your best to do it in a way when you know he won't be there.

 

I would say leave the ending fairly open. Unless you truly DO want it to end, then let her know that it is for these reasons, you think that you need to end this relationship. If you want to work things out, then leave it open to talk about options.

 

If you want it to be over...then let her know, and leave soon after, keep it clean, to avoid being pressured to staying if you really don't want to stay with her.

[Luciana]

You cannot assume things. This is a case where her side would have to be heard. We don't if she wants to get married just for being married. She may love this guy and want commitment from him, and she feels that he will never do it on his own (and her feeling may be right).

Someguy, why don't you let her come here and expose her side?

You are going to hurt her to no end. If you didn't love her, you shouldn't have dated her for such a long period.

Someguy, read that website and see how the WOMEN feel. And also

[someguy69]

I somehow doubt that would be a good idea... but I will point her to link removed. Maybe that will do some good.

[OceanEyes]

someguy: E-mail is not a respectful way to end things, or to request a time-out. You seem too good to pull something like that. I understand that you're a bit torn and probably just want some room to breathe right now, but e-mailing is probably the worst thing you can do. It's completely impersonal, cold, and borderline indecent.

 

Even if you did pull an e-mail break-up, do you really think that she's going to leave it at that? That her nosey brother will leave it at that? I doubt it. This is a girl who was actually expecting marriage from you, so you can bet that she's going to be harassing you for a face-to-face explanation, or for some type of closure that is honourable. And hey, don't you think she's at least deserving of that?

 

You seem like you just need to rid yourself of this pressure and drama for the time being, and that's completely understandable. The sooner you tackle this thing head-on, the sooner you can have some relief and some time just for you. I promise you though -- the e-mail approach will have her (and most likely her brother) completely livid and this thing will take even longer to settle.

[someguy69]

Interestingly enough it's mostly been female friends of mine who have recommended me to email her and make myself unavailable for a few days (giving her time to cool down) rather than drop the bomb face to face. (Most likely because they know I am likely to give into crying and begging).

[punchy504]

From my perspective I think you guys should actually break up, if you don't know in your heart that she is the woman for you forever, then do not continue with this, and especially don't let it progress to the next step.

 

And quite frankly after 2 1/2 years you do have an idea one way or the other.

 

she is trying to force this relationship into something not in it's current natural progression, not good. won't work.

[Luciana]

Punchy, I don't think she wants something unusual. AFter 2 1/2 years, it is normal for a couple to make plans to marry. It IS the natural progression of a relationship. He needs to s*** ot get off the pot. If you don't love her enough to be her husband, do not give her any expectations and go find someone you CAN love.

[punchy504]

Luciana- I agree with you wholeheartedly- what I tried to say was the relationship wasn't moving that direction on it's own. If I were here I would have been gone a while ago, he knows which way he should go or which way he wants to go more than any of us can tell him

 

not to be mean here, but it really is time for him to stand up be a man and say it like it is, which ever way it is and let the chips fall where they may, he may be scared that by not wanting to marry her he will lose her

[may55]

DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN!

Whoa. Slow down a sec and re-read your post. She is wanting marriage because she is insecire about how your really feel about her. She was the other woman! If you marry her, it sounds like a sure way to unhappiness and maybe infidelity on your part.

 

Don't be what we girls call a man - " * * * * * whipped" (hope I can say that in this forum) Where is your own mind, thoughts, desires? You are just being bullied around and her intentions are horrible to hurt your ex. Think of her too in this and be respectful to her feelings as, your girlfriend is obviously on some serious insecure rampage and not thinking of your feelings or your ex's. And it seriously lacks class.

 

I know it will cause conflicts, but if you really love her and want this to work. Don't get married or engaged just yet. Tell her you love her but want to focus on your relationship with her for awhile. I suggest couples therapy for you both (your couple's therapist will have a hay day with her I am sure!)

 

Good luck, and please stop and think!