why now?

[Jjasonn28]

Hello all.

 

Ok, so she wants to be alone. (Which I dont believe, I think she IS lonely.. but whatever.) I will and have respected that. I started nc about a week ago.

 

Okay, so ive broken down a couple times and answered her MSN messages. Her actions and words completely confuse me... Being flirty and stuff. She even asked if we could keep our web cams on while she studied, just so we could keep eachother company??!? Yup, I was scratching my head. Today now, something new. She sent me an email, (which in itself is pretty rare) and asked if I would travel to see her tomorrow night. She said she will take the night off work and make a dinner....

 

WTF????!! Since she has been living in another city, NOT ONCE has she offered to take time off of work or away from studying to spend time with me. I know she needs to work, and has to focus on school, so I respected that, (even though it killed me sometimes.) Now, that she says she doesn't love me, and thinks she never did, and wants to be alone, WHY NOW, WOULD SHE DO THIS??

 

What should I expect? I said I would go see her, cause lets face it, I miss her soo much. I didn't tell her that though. Ive been VERY good at supressing the need to reach out. Now I have all these scenarious running through my head as to why she is asking me to come down. Most of them are negative. Even though shes been happy and flirty recently. I suppose Im preparing myself for the worst. But what do you make of it??

[Hawk]

Who knows? Maybe the NC has had some affect on her, don't know how long you guys were together so maybe she is finding it difficult to move on like she says she wants to. Just remember, protecet your heart as best you can, because you run the real risk of going to see her and getting more heartache dished out. One thing I can say though is don't try to apply logic to these things - it just doesn't work.

[Jjasonn28]

We were together for 3 1/2 years. Shes been living in another city for 1 1/2. We grew apart emotionally/intimately because of this distance and a lack of productive communication. We both felt it, and both agree on this reason. I KNOW she still loves me. I can feel it and see it. I think she is running away. She is shielding herself from hurt. She has always done this. With her parents, previous relationships, her sister...

[Hawk]

I know my ex-partner still loves me too - she tells me, but she also says that she doesn't love me the way I want her too. We were together for 7 years, lived together for 4 years. Interesting that you say that she has aways run away, and you have to ask yourself the question "will this ever change". My ex has the same behaviours when it comes to relationships - so I ask myself could I constantly live with the idea that if we got back together that I am not setting myself up for a further serving of heartache (like the one I have now) another 2 or 3 years down the track.

 

Wish the answers were simple, but this forum really helps.

[heloladies21]

Of course going to see her and having any kind of communication with her is a bad idea, but I know you can't help yourself. This has happened to every guy at least once in his life so don't beat yourself up about it, just realize it's a process that you have to go through.

 

All of these questions you have are things you should be asking her. Yes it will push her away and there's nothing you can proactively do to get her back at this time, but holding your emotions inside is only keeping you from getting over her (which is something you need to do whether or not you two get back together). It's also giving her the emotional support while she's dumping you which is the last thing you want to be doing.

 

Tell her how you feel and how much you want her back. Tell her as often as it takes until you see NC as the only option left. It's a step you have to take otherwise you will just stay in this limbo keeping you up at night questioning every move she makes.

[Jjasonn28]

Interesting that you say that she has aways run away, and you have to ask yourself the question "will this ever change".

 

That is a good question. We did have a talk on this a long while back. She broke down and said that she wants to stop running from things. And here we are now. She is running. Should I watch her? She is making a mistake. Not because she is running from me, but because she is running. I feel obligated, and compelled to step in and say something, even though it WILL come accross as a desperate attempt at getting her back...

[Jjasonn28]

Tell her how you feel and how much you want her back.

 

I have already stopped desperate pleadings. I probably wouldn't have if it wasnt for these forums. You guys DO make sense, which is why I find myself here every evening. (And sometimes in the morning). I completely understand how and why its not a good thing. I no longer have the urge to do this. It seems more and more I am able to think things through logically. But it still doesn't make me feel better, or miss her less.

[Hawk]

I tried the desperate pleadings and that is what it came accross as - a desperate person. Now I have focused on me - I have lost a heap of weight and am back to the person (physically) that she fell in love with. Is this going to get us back together - don't know and can't ponder it because when I do that I go back 5 steps.

 

Saw an old girlfriend the other day and she sent me an email saying

 

"Fantastic to bump into you last week.

 

 

Just dropping you a quick note to say how well and happy you are looking. You have so much more life back in your eyes and spring in your step. You look great - done so well loosing your weight and obviously feeling so much better too. Takes alot of determination and motivation. Really is great to see. What an inspiration! "

 

If only she knew what I have gone through in the last two months, but as many have said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.