I need some MAJOR advice PLEASE!

[JazzyGirl]

Ok, this is a bit of a long story. First off, I'm 25 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I sort of dated one guy, but that's it. I'm also a virgin and have always thought I will wait till marraige (and I'm really, really trying to stick to that). Ok, now the guy! He's 32 years old. We've known each other for about 3-4years. When we first met we were really good friends... practically inseparable. Then I became attracted to him. I told him, but we stayed friends. However, not long after that (again, this was back when we'd only known each other a few months) we fooled around but he wouldn't kiss me (probably b/c it's intimate or something). Anyways, I was confused and he got distant since he didn't want a girlfriend. Then we talked about it and we were okay. Then we fooled around again. We got into a big fight and stopped talking. It was difficult for me because I adored him - I was in love with him.

After a few months I tried to apologize and talk to him again, but it wasn't working. We just sort of went our own paths and occasionally hung out in groups.

In 2004 I got sick and went to a hospital. After I came out, I called him and we talked for several hours, and I thought all was well. I was able to apologize for everything that happened between us. (I was a bit mean to him... as he was to me). We were kind of friends, and getting it all back. He even stayed up with me for half the night to help me with a major mid-term paper that I had due.

Then on New Year's Eve (going into 2005), we both were at the same party, and we fooled around again (still no kissing). I was a bit drunk and he was probably buzzed. It screwed up everything because he didn't want to have a girlfriend and I became very confused. We didn't talk for a long time (in fact until recently).

I called him out of the blue just after his birthday (Halloween), and we talked for 2 hours. Then we talked again about 2 more times. Here's the major point:

On Saturday night I went out with my girlfriends, and we were going to have a sleepover - just a regular girls' night. We went clubbing, partied, etc... I got annoyed with one of the girls and one of the guys we were with, and I needed a break. I had to find a place to stay for the night and I couldn't go home (I live with my very strict mother). I called the guy and told him everything about how awful the night was. I asked if I could stay at his house for the night, and he said of course. I went over and we ended up fooling around (again), but this time he kissed me. We were making out and stuff (no sex of any kind) but I let him "use his hands" (in order to be discrete about what I mean, lol) which I had never done before (he knows that). Anyways, this was about 6am... technically Sunday morning. We fooled around for about 2 1/2-3 hours or something. We cuddled, kissed, hugged, touched, etc...

We talked throughout the morning as well, and it seemed all went well. He even walked me to his car and kissed me goodbye and said he'd call. Anyways, he has not called me or anything since Sunday morning. I text messaged him Sunday evening (I was on the highway and passing by his exit), and he text me back, but that's it. What should I think? I really care about him, and I think I'm still in love with him. We just have a strong connection to each other. I miss him, but I don't want to be too eager or scare him off like I have in the past. I just don't know what to do.

Any advice as to why he might not have called me yet? Do guys play games like this often? What do I do? I have little to no experience with men so I'm at a loss! Please, please, please help!!!

 

 

Thank you!

 

Also, if there's anything I've left out or you need to know, etc... go ahead and ask - I'm not all that shy

 

P.S. - Sorry it's so long. I promise that it's basically the shorter version of the entire story

[Caldus]

Alright first off...

 

It was difficult for me because I adored him - I was in love with him.

 

Goodness, how long did you know him before you decided this? Didn't seem like you knew him long enough to claim such a thing.

 

And I'd hate to state this, but I think he is using you purely for action and nothing more. He's done this ... what ... like ten times now to you?

[Nkaleidoscopic]

some guys wait three days or so to call. because they dont want to seem desperate.

 

how long has it been?

[JazzyGirl]

I don't think I fell in love with him until we'd known each other for quite awhile (though an exact time is kind of hard to pinpoint). Though I think I might still be in love with him now... In a lot of ways, he's an amazing guy... When we first met we had some kind of instant connection. It was weird because I'd never been so close to someone before. It was like we could be in utter silence and be totally comfortable. We could just look at each other and know what the other was thinking. Sometimes he's hard to read, but other times it's like an open book.

 

As for time frame, we made out and fooled around on Sunday morning and today's Wednesday. So it's about 3 days. I just thought since he knew he was the first to touch me like that then maybe he'd call. Of course, I've never been in this situation and I'm not a guy so I don't know...

 

Would it be awful to call him? Is that what he's expecting? Or is he just trying to keep me waiting and curious or something?

[Nkaleidoscopic]

If he doesn't call forget it. You deserve someone that will not make you chase after him and such. Don't let yourself be fooled. If it's a good idea, you'll find out from him.

[Caldus]

I don't think the scope of the problem to focus on here is the whole calling thing as much as the problem of him simply using you for fun and nothing more.

[JazzyGirl]

But how do I know if he's using me for fun? I'm kind of confused on that part. I know that if he doesn't treat me right or call then he's just being a jerk, but I guess I just don't really know how to read all of this. He's always been rather careful with me (in the sense of knowing I'm not sexually expereinced and thereforeeee he always tried not to take advantage of that). He's also been careful with me in that he basically always tries to catch me when I fall (as odd as that may sound). I guess I should also mention that we last saw each other in the first week of January 2005, and that on Sunday morning was the first time we'd seen each other since then (and we fooled around).

I know we're attracted to each other, and there's tons and tons of chemistry, but how do I know exactly what he's looking for without being overly straightforward and freaking him out? I think he's a bit commitment phobic cause he's had some bad relationships.

[Caldus]

This is my logic.

 

If he repeatedly claims his lack of desire for a relationship with you.

 

And if there have been a multitude of episodes of fooling around.

 

Then my conclusion is that he is only looking for random plays and thereforeeee you are wasting your time if you're trying to get into a relationship with him.

[JazzyGirl]

I appreciate the great advice and honesty! I was kind of worried that maybe he'd be using me, but I guess I was just being stupid on Sunday... letting him do all that stuff. I don't know. I think part of me hoped it would be different this time. It's funny because he admitted he'd be jealous if I hooked up with his friend (I asked him to set me up with his friend when I first met the guy, but he didn't want to)... then I joked about it when we were cuddling and talking, and he admitted it'd bother him if that happened. I just don't get this guy!!! Ok, sorry I had to have a brief rant.

 

Now, another question... I am the type of person who needs closure. Should I call him and talk to him? If so, should I do it sooner rather than later or just wait a few more days?

I want to tell him that he hurt me, and I want to tell him that I think it was sleazy of him to do that (of course I take partial responsibility for it to). *sigh* It seems I am quite often used by men!

[mo]

Try to be a little away for sometime and see how he will react. Please read "shortly20 topic on "It works!!" follow that step but not too often.