but HOW do you break up?

[jaxlo]

It's definitely the end. I don't feel love here at all, not even comfort. I'm with him for all the wrong reasons. This past year (whole time i've been with him), is the most insecure, annoyed, and just bored that i have ever been. We have nothing in common but have decent talks but he goes on forever and I get annoyed. I never go out with my friends, which I really don't have anymore and I feel so ugly. My past posts have been major fights that we've been having and the readers keep telling me to break up with him. I really should too, I'm just with him because I like being wanted and having a boyfriend but right now I don't even feel wanted, he's more into other things. How do I break up with him? What can I say? It's hard to do because he's so sensitive and will convince me out of it which he has done TWICE now. Plus it's hard because I'm not THAT open with him and I don't know how to speak my feelings to him. Please give me advice on how to do this and how to not give in to his "oooh but i love you, blah blah" stuff.

and to all those people who like to say "spice up your sex life" ITS NOT THAT. right now, that's all we have in common.

[Jaela]

Be honest, but compassionate. I dont know why you've allowed him to pressure you into remaining in this relationship if you've known you're not happy. You're prolonging things by allowing him to influence your decision. Sit down with him and tell him how you feel. But don't allow him to sway you. Have a friend waiting close by for support. Don't let the conversation drag on all night. Tell him how you feel in a compassionate manner, but remain firm on your position.

 

Good luck. Breakups are never easy, but sometimes you need to do something uncomfortable in order to do what is right for you both.

[RayKay]

You sit down with him, tell him straight out and directly that you need to end this relationship as you are unhappy, that you have tried to change your feelings for the positive but it just is not working. Be respectful, caring, but be firm.

 

And then you LEAVE. You do not stay around knowing he can convince you, to allow him time to convince you. Go no contact, tell him its for the best so you can both move on and heal, and you just stay firm in your decision. And it IS the best for both of you as you both should love as much as you are loved and vice versa!

 

Everytime you feel pressured to get back together, think of all the reasons why you CAN'T be with him. In fact, write a list and look at it in those times! You are your own person and should not allow him to influence you.

 

This is part of dating...you just won't match with everyone you date and will find you really should not be together at all for certain reasons, and when that happens, it needs to end.

 

Start finding your friends again, find new ones, and they will help you rebuild your life, and not be with him just to avoid being lonely!

 

Stay strong and be firm! Things can only look up for you if you are this miserable with him.

[emma34]

Ok...I've been in this situation sort of and this is my advice. You have to make a conscious effort before you start the break up process that you will not fall into the "but i love you" thing...the most important thing here is to be strong. My advice is to get into a situation with him where you can leave and that is fairly private...tell him all the things you have just said, but avoid the whole 'you haven't been paying attention to me lately'...because the fact is, you know it's over, so don't give him faith in knowing that something he could change would make it better. Don't blame him for anything, just tell him clearly, that this is the way you feel, and nothing can change that, and that you are sorry, but its over. Since that situation can become very intense, my advice is to give him some time, and say, if you need to talk call me tomorrow, but after that we shouldn't talk anymore (that kind of thing). Don't feel guilty about breaking it off with him, because from what you say, it's impossible to be totally happy in a relationship if the other person is unhappy. Just remember, stay strong, and have a support system. Good luck to you.

[RandomAdvisor]

I second Emma's comments to not bring up the whole "you haven't paid attention to me thing," or anything else like it for that matter. When you say things like that, you give him an opportunity to say "But I'l change!" Don't list any problems that can be fixed. The important thing is your feelings. You don't love him, and you don't feel like this relationship can go on anymore. Your feelings are important, and they wont change. It's not your fault, it's not his fault, that's just the way it is.

 

RayKay also makes a good point to just leave once you've said your piece. The conversation will be initiated by you, you'll say what you'll have to say, and that's it. Don't sit around and let him beg and plead, that's no good for either of you. Either he will do something that will embaress him and he will ultimately regret, or, he will convince you to try again and you're back to square one. But, like Emma said maybe you can let him call you once in the next day or two if he wants to talk when the emotions have calmed down a little bit, but after that it's NC.

[Dako]

Leaving right after telling him is the most humane way. It reduces the misery for you both and allows the reality to sink in. It also prevents loose ends that could pull you back together.

[Derek]

Break up the same way you pull off a band-aid or a pull out a tooth.

 

quickly and directly =)

 

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