Virginity: Does she need to Know?

[SoMuchLove]

Hi! This is something I have been curious about for quite sometime...by the way, I'm 20 and a virgin...

 

I realize that if your a virgin, girls may not want to have sex with you simply because there is a stigma about virgins that "It's their first time and they won't know what they're doing". Also, some girls view it as "I don't want to be the practice".

 

In my opinion, girls that have had sex only think the virgin doesn't know what he's doing simply because he never had sex. To me, it's not that the guy doesn't know how to have sex, it's just that the girl already knows what she likes. All the virgin can give her is what she NEEDS, which is sex, but cannot give her what she WANTS which how she likes to be touched and where she likes to be touched. This creates the stigma that virgins are bad sex choices.

 

Alternatively, I think it really comes down to how the girl feels about the guy. If she truly cares for him or "Loves" him(not having to be in love of course) wouldn't she be more than willing to, for lack of a better word, teach him how to please her if she is so into him? Otherwise, if she just wants sex from the guy with no real kinda of commitment, she'll simply sleep with the guy who has had sex with a lot of girls in the past and is the "stud". Basically, this means he has experince. At that point, they contribute to the double-standard that guys are the man if they have a lot of sex and girls are sluts. But, this is only because guys really don't care if some guy had sex with a lot of girls. If anything, we can be a little jealous and insecure about it so some may congradulate fakely to make it seem like they can keep up as well...At any rate, the girl doesn't get as much pressure for being a virgin because the guy won't have to worry that he's being compared to anyone. I believe the girl can't really say it was bad sex. All she really can say is "it wasn't what I expected".

 

So does a guy have a better chance at having sex if he never says he's a virgin?

 

Sorry to get off topic a bit lol but views and opinions on all that I've said will be much respected- (^_^)

[nikkers04]

Well my first was not a virgin....and it was nice having him know what to do....but I'd would have preferred that I had been his first as well. He told me I was his first emotionally but I think it would be a cool experience for you both to lose it together.

[PersonalMe]

hey, well i think ur right about if a girl wants to have sex with a lot of guys she should just be with a stud, and if she really loves u she shouldnt mind who she has sex with....anyway...

PERSONALLY, i wouldnt want to have sex witha guy because hes a virgina nd doenst knwo how, if anything id be scared of taking his virginity, because i know he will always remember me, but not because he wouldnt knwo how, believe me, ive taken 2 guys' virginity and they know how to do it, its just kind of natural...hope i helped bye

[SoMuchLove]

Thanks for your replies! I agree Nikkers. It would be very special to lose virginity with someone who is a virgin as well and that alone will make the first time a bit more memorable.

 

Personalme, I never thought of it as they will always remember you. So is that to say that women can be concerned if they'll be a good or bad memory for the virgin?

 

And I do agree! I'm sure it's natural for us, but because no one agrees 100% on anything, there are some out there who don't think so...and those are the opinions that don't matter much to me...okay lol just kidding!...(but if anyone out there has that opinion please share it because I love to here from both sides)^_^

[DropToZero]

Yea, everyone was a virgin at one time...so don't act like it's something they've never been thru. Honestly, if she asks, dont lie, but it's more like 'need to know basis information', so that means dont just offer it to her and tell her you're a virgin, but again, if it comes up and she aks, dont lie.

 

PersonalMe, I understand what you mean too...my first was not a virgin, but she didnt seem to have trouble taking my virginity and she said she couldn't tell I was a virgin hah... But you're right, I'm having a little harder time just trying to completely forget her...b/c she'll always be my first...no matter what. Kinda sucks, but oh well.

[SoMuchLove]

Hey DroptoZero-

 

It was not my intention to imply that no one else has been through it before and single myself out...but that comment does comfort me and bring to light that I am not the first person to walk this path nor am I alone currently travelling on it.

 

I totally agree with you about not lying about it because it truly is nothing to be ashamed of. But what if that time comes and the girl doesn't ask? In that case, is it still important to tell her beforehand?

 

Thanks for replying!

[armchairshrink]

Hey, SoMuchLove,

 

Don't stress over it. I happened to take one guy's virginity, but I didn't find out until afterward -- long afterward. I didn't notice a thing wrong that night, so it must really come naturally.

 

I do have to point out, however, that I would like to have known beforehand -- just to make it a little more special for him. So, yes, girls do like to be remembered fondly.

 

Hope this helps!

[DropToZero]

Oh yea, I didn't mean by saying that, that you were singling yourself out. I meant that 'everyone's been a virgin' by meaning that people shouldn't really judge a person because they're still a virgin, because at one point, they themselves were one...so it's not fair to think because he/she 's in-experienced they would be bad in bed etc...

 

I dont know tho, I still think that information is like a 'need to know' basis. If she asks you, like said, just tell her the truth. But if she never asks, and never complains, then I don't really see why you have the obligation to tell her.

 

One thing I forgot, just as my personal experience....I'm the same age as you, and I lost my virginity this past summer. She did ask me, but not until after we had literally finished sleeping together and were just laying there. She had heard my friends messing with me at one point for still being a virgin when we were all hangin out, and she was curious if what they were saying was true....and it was, I told her then.

[lillady898]

My ex-boyfriend was a virgin, but I wasn't. That didn't sway my decision to have sex with him. I had sex with him because I cared for him more than any other person I had ever been with. I loved him, and even today I wish I would've lost my virginity with him rather than the person I first had sex with.

[SoMuchLove]

Hey armchairshrink!

 

I truly appreciate your comment! I'd love to have a girl fondly remember being my first. I just spend too much time around people who don't look at things that way...namely my brohters lol. Nevertheless, making a girl feel special is the best feeling in the world to me...at least it will be until I experience "Love". Sigh*^_^

 

DTZ- Sorry about the misunderstanding...as I mentioned above, I spend time around people who have bad views on this sorta thing and it honestly made me get a little defensive...not by choice. In way, it's good that happened because I didn't look at it as they were virgins once themselves so who are they to pass any judgement lol *ironic*

 

But if she never asks, and never complains, then I don't really see why you have the obligation to tell her.

 

Your right. In my situation, she did ask me, and I told her the truth...she later said things that made me question if she truly cared for me because I asked would she ever had sex with a virgin and she said "I wouldn't want to be anyone's the practice. When you want passion, you don't want to wait. You want someone who knows what they're doing"...ouch. The sad part is, I really wanted to lose my virginity to her...sometimes I think I still do...

 

Hope loosing your virginity to her is a memory you cherish for the rest of you life DTZ! Much respect-

 

Lillady898!

 

That is EXACTLY the way I want to loose my virginity and the way I want a girl to feel for me when that happens. Just what I've always wanted to hear! I'm new to this site and i have to say I'm enjoying the feedback! Whether good or bad, it all helps.

 

Thank you!

[brahman]

dude you are not loosing out. you sound like the guy who wants someone of substance.

 

you should find a girl who will like you for you. she sounds like the type of perosn you would gotten sick of eentually.

[Blackmsmithdave]

Hi SoMuchLove

 

I know were your coming from. Im now 20 nearly 21 and im still a virgin, although ive done allmost everything else, but still there is a real stigma attached to being a virgin, i can say im Bisexual easier than say im a virgin. It can feel like your the one with the problem.

 

But like you i want something more than just a 'wham bam thankyou mam'. also i dont really want to share such an intimate and personnal experience with someone that means nothing to me. I want it to be something special. Though it does really suck when all your maes are having sex on a regular basis and your the only one left at the bar.

 

I wish you luck in finding your Lucky lady, and from the sounds of things she will be very lucky indeed. Good Luck and have fun

[Caldus]

Though it does really suck when all your maes are having sex on a regular basis and your the only one left at the bar.

 

For starters, the bar would not be a good place to search for such women.

[Blackmsmithdave]

i was using it as an example, but more to the point where do you meet the women you wan to love. Is there some club no has told me about, lol.

[brahman]

you could try hitting on who you wanna hit on and not try tp go to places you think they will be. if you see someone you like, start talking to them, or at least try. thats how i met my girl, just be a little adventuristic

[SoMuchLove]

Hi brahman!

 

You could be right about me getting sick of her eventually, but now i guess i'll never really know...

 

Hi BlackmSmithDave!

 

Thanks for wishing me luck and I can say I wish the same for you as well-

 

Hi Caldus!

 

In my opinion, there really isn't a specific place where you can or can't find the one want to love. You just have to be willing to talk to anyone you have that kinda of interest in right away. And even if you don't have that interest with someone right away, that isn't to say that something can't develope a little later.

 

As long as you keep yourself associated with people, your chances are a lot greater. I wouldn't just wait for love because chances are the person you love could be wating on you to find them.

 

All though speak from little experience, I can say it probably just comes down to taking a chance and living the moment. Think of it this way:

 

Two shy people sit next to each other for and hour but never speak. Later, one leaves and neither of them realizes they may have just sat beside their true love for a whole hour and may never meet again.

 

To be honest, I was shy a while ago and on top of that, I didn't want to be bothered by love because I was too stressed out with school and I wanted to work on music. I thought love, no matter how much I wanted it and still do, would be a distraction. Now, as I look back, I had SO many chances to fall in love but never took them. I used to regret it a lot, but I don't any more because...I'm not dead yet..oh and being young and possibly having a lot of time left to live and fall in love may have something to do with it too lol.

 

So Brahman. Is the girl your with now the one you lost you virginity to? Did she loose it to you? Or did you loose it togther?

[Caldus]

In my opinion, there really isn't a specific place where you can or can't find the one want to love.

Theoretically you could find that girl at the bar. You're right.

[brahman]

very sorry Somuchlove, but it was neither her nor me who was a virgin before we had sex. but i got the date with her not knowing anything about me. i lost my virginity when i was 16, but even that would not have happened if i wasnt will to ride my bike 15 miles to some girls house and meet a girls i had never even seen before, just talk to a little on the phone.

[SoMuchLove]

No need to be sorry at all.

 

Sounds like quite like the adventure you had to loosing you virginity on that day. Although, I must admit a 15 mile bike ride is kinda out of the way for me, but if it meant I was going to lose my virginity...That would be the shortest bike ride of my life lol.

[brahman]

yeah, i didnt loose my virginity to the girl i was riding to for, she had a BF, but i knew there were other girls there too, i had no idea what was in store for me though.

[DropToZero]

Hope loosing your virginity to her is a memory you cherish for the rest of you life DTZ! Much respect-

 

Honestly...no, it's not something I'm sure I want to cherish for the rest of my life. I don't regret what happened...but I do sometimes wish it had been someone else other than this girl. But like I said, the memory will never fade, I'll always remember her b/c she was the one who took it...whether that be something I'll cherish or be plagued with thoughts of her for the rest of my life...I dont know tho. Right now..it's the latter. Just be careful man, I don't doubt you're much different from me, and I was torn because of something that happened soon after I lost it...and it's not something I'm sure I ever want to go thru again...but I can't control it, and it probably will happen again.

[brahman]

very dramatic. care to expand on why you have these emotions about her. i always thought the first time was cherrished by all guys, no matter how bad it was.

[Caldus]

very dramatic. care to expand on why you have these emotions about her. i always thought the first time was cherrished by all guys, no matter how bad it was.

The way I see it is that the first time was not going to be all that great anyway. So why regret it?

[SoMuchLove]

Sorry to hear it went down like that. This is why I'm careful about who I want to give it to. For me, even though the first time wouldn't be the best sex ever, it still is the only first time you'll ever have. I'm the type of person who likes to cherish something if it's a one-shot deal. Whether it's loosing my virginity or skydiving for the first time, it's something that will always be special to me...

 

I am curious though. You don't have to share if you do want to (of course you know this), but what happened after your first time that had you so torn and made it more of a memory, rather than something to chersih?

[DropToZero]

I am curious though. You don't have to share if you do want to (of course you know this), but what happened after your first time that had you so torn and made it more of a memory, rather than something to chersih?

 

Hmm...well...this isn't something I really tell many people...but I guess no one will really be able to tell anyone I know heh...umm yea, well here's what happened in short.

 

We slept together at my house, one nite, parents were gone, and even tho she'd been the one more or less pressuring for it, I was the one who initiated the sex that night. Honestly, at the time, that was the best experience I've ever had. No, the sex was not what was bad, she said even she couldn't tell I was a virgin and that she'd been with much worse...taking that as a compliment I guess. Anyways...yea, it was a great experience at the time, just the emotions that came with it were the bad thing. Her and I had earlier on agreed that we both didn't really want anything serious, and that it was just going to be like a 'friends with benefits.'

 

What I learned, was that I couldn't handle that...in the idea that not only a week after we had slept together, she hooked up with another one of her friends ...things just 'happened' between them at a party. When I learned of it, it probably wasn't the best time to hear of it, because I heard about it from my best friend when I was out drinking at a party. At that exact time, I didn't care, but then the party got broken up by a neighbor, and everyone just went home cause it was late anyways. That's when it began to set in...and I'm guessing the alcohol didn't help. I went to bed, and woke up randomly around 4am, and lets just say, I think that was the worst nite of my life. I woke up with thoughts of her racing thru my mind(bad and good, but so many I couldn't keep track or stop thinking of her), I felt like I had a headache, and a stomach ache, and my chest hurt like it'd been smashed with a sledge hammer...and this went on for most of the night, I got back to sleep...but I was restless the whole rest of the nite till morning. I was okay in the morning...just really upset, but I never want to go thru that sort of pain again...I never thought that type of emotional pain was even possible until then. I mean, I'd been hurt before...but never like that.

 

And that's basically why I dont really remember it as my most cherished memory...I'd rather lost it to someone I cared enough about that also wanted a relationship instead of just messing around. There's more to it, b/c it didn't just all 'end' there, but it was never truly given closure. I'd never take back my summer and what happened over it...it was a great time...she was still my first, and she'll never be forgotten.