how do you progress and maintain friendships with women?

[atraceofblood]

throughout my life, I've had the hardest time developing and maintaining friendships with women. Even right now, I don't think I have any friends that are girls, that I regular speak to as a friend, and I mean close friend, Rather than a classmate or workmate.

 

I have women friends at school, but that's just at school. I never really talk to them much outside of class, at least not physically, and we never hang out.

 

I want to know how I can improve my relationships with these women, as friends. Just recently I met a beautiful girl that I have had a crush on, but I have to settle to be her friend because she's dating someone else, and I am ok with that so far. I've talked to her a few times so far, but the convos were very brief and haven't really progressed to anything. I am afraid that I'm gonna be boring her away, and I don't want that to happen. I want to progress a friendship with her as long as it doesn't cross any lines of her dating relationship. Not only with her, but with some other women friends I have on campus too.

 

how do you guys progress friendships with women you slightly know on campus or work?

[melrich]

Talk to a woman the same way you would talk to a guy. We are not all that different really.

[Derek]

hmm, just a friendship, not a relationship?

 

Then be a friend I guess...

 

I dunno, perhaps there are some differences with girls vs boys.

Guys would be happy with you just hanging and not talking. Guys would watch movies/sports, playing video games and doing stuff. Girls might need a little more.

Perhaps listen sympathetically to their problems. Be there when they need help. (moving?) Be interested in what they are interested in (interior decorating? cooking? karate?) Pay attention to the details (send a birthday card) Be the non-intimidating guy friend that they need to take to weddings once in a while. =)

Women like to empathize with each other. They share that they are all feeling the same way together. (which creates very strong bonding and an immediate sensitivity to relationships/trust connections) So when she shares a story, all her female friends get to add on to the end of the story, their story which is similar to hers and shows that she is not alone in her feelings. So you can do the same thing.

 

Hope that helps,

 

 

[atraceofblood]

all of these things, I've never gotten to do, such as being there for a girl when she needs help with moving or whatever; I mean I've helped in small things such as maybe helping a co-worker, or maybe a school assignment, but those were so little compared what you mentioned about 'moving.' I've tried listening to them, but often times, I've ended up nowhere. Actually right now I am having an easier time interacting with a girl as a friend, and I feel good about it, but I want to make sure that I can be there for her as a friend, and listen to her.

 

Again it seems like I've just never encountered situations where I could progress my friendship.

[Dismember_05]

how would you progress a friendship with a guy? you wouldn't give a damn whether they thought you were 'boring', or your conversations were short, you would just interact with them at the time you and they felt like it. Try this on a girl, suprising how easy it is.

 

just start with small things, like grab a smoke after school, grab some food with em at lunch, after a little while it just wont bother you anymore.

[atraceofblood]

how would you progress a friendship with a guy? you wouldn't give a damn whether they thought you were 'boring', or your conversations were short, you would just interact with them at the time you and they felt like it. Try this on a girl, suprising how easy it is.

 

just start with small things, like grab a smoke after school, grab some food with em at lunch, after a little while it just wont bother you anymore.

 

I've been thinking about that lately, about relating it to guy friends. It's just really hard for me because I realize I am talking to a girl, something I've struggled to do my entire life. I also realize that I'm getting better at interacting with women because I've tried to talk to them more often lately.

 

I guess I just fear every little rejection, even from my guys I do! lol It just hurts more when it's a girl. How would you handle being friends with women who already have a relationship?

[Dismember_05]

trace man, you're never gonna get anywhere if every conversation you have is one which you think about how you might get rejected. Just start up a conversation, and say what it is you want to say, not what you think they want to hear. and if the girl doesn't like it, thats her tough luck, just walk away.

 

about a friendship with a woman in a relationship, well its no different from a woman who isn't in a relationship unless you want something more from it. In this case your best bet is to just tell her, and let her decide who she wants to be with.

 

Dismember_05

[atraceofblood]

trace man, you're never gonna get anywhere if every conversation you have is one which you think about how you might get rejected. Just start up a conversation, and say what it is you want to say, not what you think they want to hear. and if the girl doesn't like it, thats her tough luck, just walk away.

 

about a friendship with a woman in a relationship, well its no different from a woman who isn't in a relationship unless you want something more from it. In this case your best bet is to just tell her, and let her decide who she wants to be with.

 

Dismember_05

 

well about girls with b/f, I don't want to take them away. I just want to a friend, just as I'm a friend with my guy friends. I just don't know how to approach it because I have a situation where I don't know a girl well, and she has a b/f, and I'd like to be a friend.

[Dismember_05]

just ask her out to lunch or coffee as a friend, meet up with her in a group situation, get her number and talk that way. Really man, unless her bf is some giant, stupid thug with a jealosy problem he wont mind ya talking to his girl as a friend.

[atraceofblood]

just ask her out to lunch or coffee as a friend, meet up with her in a group situation, get her number and talk that way. Really man, unless her bf is some giant, stupid thug with a jealosy problem he wont mind ya talking to his girl as a friend.

 

I was planning on finding a way to stay in touch with her over our winter break, because I probably won't be seeing her for a month after this semester ends. I'd also like to try to be friends with a girl for once, because I've never had a good friend that was a girl.

 

Have you ever encountered situations like this where you want to be friends with some women, some of them may have b/f's, some are just schoolmates, etc?

[Dismember_05]

yeh man, been friends with girls with boyfriends, trust me its no different from any other friendship. and yeh, stay in touch with the girl, it ain't hard and it'll be worth it in the long run. Just have a good time man, and don't worry too much about it.

[wlfpack81]

IMO I think it's nearly impossible for a guy to be friends w/girls unless you're not attracted to her. But you already stated this girl is gorgeous and that "for now" you're okay w/her dating someone else. Me thinks that maybe you want to befriend her now in the hopes eventually she'll get out of the current relationship she's in and then you'll be next in line so to speak. Bad idea if that's the case my friend. And even if that's not your plans b/c you're attracted to her eventually the more you become friends w/her the more you'll want her and the more copmlicated the relationship will get.

 

I suggest just doing out and trying to get an actual girlfriend instead. She'd be your friend to be on a complete different level than what you're looking for.

[atraceofblood]

IMO I think it's nearly impossible for a guy to be friends w/girls unless you're not attracted to her. But you already stated this girl is gorgeous and that "for now" you're okay w/her dating someone else. Me thinks that maybe you want to befriend her now in the hopes eventually she'll get out of the current relationship she's in and then you'll be next in line so to speak. Bad idea if that's the case my friend. And even if that's not your plans b/c you're attracted to her eventually the more you become friends w/her the more you'll want her and the more copmlicated the relationship will get.

 

I suggest just doing out and trying to get an actual girlfriend instead. She'd be your friend to be on a complete different level than what you're looking for.

 

well I've been told this before, but I still disagree with it. I have a hard time separating relationships and friendships in these situations. I just don't understand how one cannot be friends with someone because of something. I am one of those guys that like to go beyond the stereotypes or whatever the general public tends to believe.

 

I can understand feelings getting in the way and disappointments as a result, and I want to suppress my feelings along the way. The thing I do not want to do is let all my feelings go away for her and if she ever became single and liked me, not have the same feelings for her. What I was thinking about doing was just being friends with her, just being friends, friends! Sure I am attracted to her.

 

This is the first time a girl I talk to is actually easy to talk to and be myself with. So this is very unique situation and I really don't want to just let it go. I've tried being friends with certain girls, even girls I've liked, but they were never the same as this girl and I had the hardest time talking to them even as being a friend.

 

I am definitely going to open myself up for other girls. I already tried to last week, and got rejected, but what can I say? I'm still wide open.

[wlfpack81]

I can understand feelings getting in the way and disappointments as a result, and I want to suppress my feelings along the way.

 

No offense but the chances of this working is nil. You CANNOT supress those type of feelings for someone no matter what you do. Feelings of attraction are natural and you can't fool yourself.

 

The thing I do not want to do is let all my feelings go away for her and if she ever became single and liked me, not have the same feelings for her.

 

Well, IMO that still sounds like being friends w/the hopes of obtaining her as a g/f should she break up w/her current b/f though you mention you're going to keep your options open.

[atraceofblood]

No offense but the chances of this working is nil. You CANNOT supress those type of feelings for someone no matter what you do. Feelings of attraction are natural and you can't fool yourself.

 

 

 

Well, IMO that still sounds like being friends w/the hopes of obtaining her as a g/f should she break up w/her current b/f though you mention you're going to keep your options open.

 

hey I won't deny that I have a hope for this girl. Whatever happens happens. If I never get this girl, then I never do. But I want to at least try to be friends with her. I will however try to focus my attention and leave my options open for other women

[fiasco]

Trace,

 

I'm in the same boat as you. And I do believe there are some friendships which you don't need to have a physical attraction. I have a few friendships like so. The problem occurs when I am attracted to a girl whom I want to be friends with that I run into difficulties. Basically treat the person as if you weren't physically attracted to her. I know it's hard but you will be able to speak more freely without trying to impress anyone. Let me know how it works out for you.

=

[atraceofblood]

Trace,

 

I'm in the same boat as you. And I do believe there are some friendships which you don't need to have a physical attraction. I have a few friendships like so. The problem occurs when I am attracted to a girl whom I want to be friends with that I run into difficulties. Basically treat the person as if you weren't physically attracted to her. I know it's hard but you will be able to speak more freely without trying to impress anyone. Let me know how it works out for you.

=

 

I've ran into the best situation in my entire life! Never have I felt so comfortable talking to a girl I have had an interest in before, until now. Even though she is already in a relationship, I still feel great and comfortable talking to her. I think she's the first girl I've really liked to ever find me acceptable, at least it seems that way, so that's one of my reasons for why I feel comfortable talking with her.

[Derek]

I think what others are saying is that once you are labeled into the "Friends-only" zone of guy-girl relationship. Converting that to a romantic relationship is very difficult.

 

So you say you can be happy just being friends, well the best bet is to learn from her about what she thinks, and you should get her advice on how to get a girlfriend. Talk to her about what you should do to find your girl. She needs to see you growing in life, getting interests, and she might actually see you growing beyond her. Then she might get interested in you again enough to risk the friendship.

 

Even if she never came around and got married to some other yahoo, at least you learned alot, grew yourself, found some other girls and other interests. Don't stagnate while waiting for her.

 

That would be my strategy.

 

 

[atraceofblood]

I think what others are saying is that once you are labeled into the "Friends-only" zone of guy-girl relationship. Converting that to a romantic relationship is very difficult.

 

So you say you can be happy just being friends, well the best bet is to learn from her about what she thinks, and you should get her advice on how to get a girlfriend. Talk to her about what you should do to find your girl. She needs to see you growing in life, getting interests, and she might actually see you growing beyond her. Then she might get interested in you again enough to risk the friendship.

 

Even if she never came around and got married to some other yahoo, at least you learned alot, grew yourself, found some other girls and other interests. Don't stagnate while waiting for her.

 

That would be my strategy.

 

 

 

I was actually thinking about something like this where I'd ask her for advice and stuff. We'll see what happens, right now I'm just trying to be a friend.