BF feels jaded after never really knowing wife

[Bams]

My BF left about 6 months ago because he had just left his wife and needed time to get control over his life. We were perfect for each other, true soulmates. Well, now 6 months later he has regained control over his life and we are slowly talking again. We both still love each other, however he met his wife when they were in college and he spent 5 years with her trying to make sure that she would be the right women to spend his life with and now after being together 13 years he has found that the person he thought he knew was really someone completely different. I am nothing like her and deep down I know he know that, however, I am concerned that once his divorce is final he will be too afraid to take a chance again, even though he has seen me through my divorce and knows that I didn't allow it to become nasty and I gave my ex husband everything he felt he needed. I was more than fair, because I didn't want to hurt him or my kids. So, I know theyre are a lot of men out there that have been through divorce and what I want to know is how long does it take a man before he is ready to take a chance again after going through a messy divorce.

 

Bams

[RayKay]

how long does it take a man before he is ready to take a chance again after going through a messy divorce.

 

Well, while I am sure there are many whom can answer for themselves, they cannot answer for your partner.

 

I know people whom after a messy divorce, or even a pretty "clean" divorce opted to never get married or heavily involved again, I know others whom found someone else within a year or two, realized they were wonderful, and married them. I know others whom rebounded, and realized months or years later they were no where near ready for anything serious as they had not dealt with their issues from the dissolved relationship.

 

It's something that only HE will know. I do advise that you don't wait FOREVER for him, but also don't rush things up right now. It is still recent and fresh.

 

Just a question - what do you mean she was completely different? Was she hiding lots of things about herself from him, or did the divorce itself bring out a different side of her?

[Bams]

She hide things about her past, very important things that affected her ability to share in a loving relationship. For years he questioned why she didn't want to be intimate, he thought it was one thing or another, but in truth she had a lot of baggage and had he been aware of it before they married, he said he probably would not have married her, because she had never dealt with her problems. In fact she is now seeking therapy but the Dr. says she will need years to get past all her issues.