he wants to have sex with me but he can't orgasm

[pinksquirrel]

my bf and i have been together for 15 months, we only started having sex 6 months into the realtionship. we plan on getting married and are crazy about eachother. however, everytime we have tryed to have sex, the total of 4 times, he can't orgasm. he can get it up just fine but after awhile he gives up because it won't go. because it has failed so many times he has pretty muched given up on us having sex. what should i do?

[thegirlfriend]

I know this situation. My bf was like that in the beginning - he just couln't orgasm. The thing is, he has a lot of mental problems. Your bf might have them too. So, don't try to ignore the problem, because it is a problem and it will get worse, trust me. Approach it. Sex problems can ruin a relationship, especially with guys because he will feel like a looser sooner or later. The pressure of society for guys to be like studs is just too high. And will you be satisfied with having no sex for the rest of your life?

 

So first thing you should try to find out: does he have mental problems? If so, try to help him. By being patient, listening to him, letting him feel that you are there for him.

 

And maybe by encouraging him to seek professional help. It sounds embarrasing I know but admitting that one needs help is the first step towards healing, and a person who can't orgasm longterm (guys and girls alike) needs help.

[nsbguy32169]

You make it sound like he might be partially retarded or something :silly:

 

Sit down and talk to him and try to figure out whats wrong. Try getting him to go to a doctor about it.

[pinksquirrel]

we have talked and talked about it...he doesn't have mental problems...but i am the first person he has ever had sex with. he already feels like a loser and i am not sure what to say to him to make him feel better. hes really good and it feels really good. i have asked him to think about seeing a phycologist and he said that he wouldn't be comfortable with that...anything else?

[Mary1NYS]

You say he has failed "so many times" and so now feels like a loser. Well, 4 times isn't that many times...he needs to just relax, and not put so much pressure on himself. He's probably just nervous..it'll happen.....

[nsbguy32169]

I'm guessing he can keep it up the whole time right? It's not a lack of a hard-on that's keeping him from reaching orgasm is it? Maybe try some viagra? Although, it does sound like he might not be completely comfortable with sex or his body just yet... I know we're much different than women, but my girlfriend could never achieve orgasm through oral, manual stimulation or intercourse until a few months (4-6?) after we started having sex. She wasn't completely comfortable with her body just yet so she wasn't comfortable climaxing. Since then (a year and a half ago) she can orgasm through oral, manual stimulation and very easily through intercourse.

 

I would definitely consider seeing some sort of professional about this problem if you two can't fix it as it will cause huge self-confidence issues and many fights if it's not resolved.

 

EDIT- I didn't even notice you said 4 times... it's most definitely his inability to relax during sex. As soon as he gets comfortable making love to you and starts really getting into it he shouldn't have a problem.

[Day_Walker]

He needs to get his confidence back. Once he stops putting pressure on himself and enjoying the experience then he will not have this problem. If you are using protection then try a new brand of condoms, try different methods of stimulation. Change up the normal routine and see what works for him.