- Should I come clean now? -

[dizzythedog]

Currently, I am really interested in this guy I've been seeing. However, there is a little back history that I am afraid of him knowing.

 

After I broke up with my bf, I was in pretty bad shape - especially since it was a very bad breakup with some serious reprocussions. Seeing him find someone else quickly didn't help and I ended up getting very depressed to a point where I didn't really feel much of anything except unhappy. A while ago, I was talking to some people online and I don't know what possessed me but I ended up meeting one for pretty much a hookup - which isnt very typical of me because i usually don't jump straight into hooking up with people. I think I just like the idea of someone wanting me again - especially since I wasn't having luck finding anyone. When I was with the hookupguy, i pretty much couldn't stay interested or even aroused. So I sat there let him get off then went home.

 

Jump forward to now, I meet the guy i am interested friends and low and behold that hookup guy is one of his friends. I don't know if he recongized me but I sure recongized him. Do I tell the guy I like? I don't want him to think of me as a whore, or someone who is easy because like i said that wasnt very common of me to go hookup like that.

 

What should i do?

 

thanks

[babycristy456]

I think you should just wait to see if he mentions it. If he does, admit it to him (since there is no other choice) and tell him it was a one time thing that you did and will never do again. If you think he will be with you only bc he thinks your are a ho, make sure that you hold off any sexual activity to show that you are not.

[sibling295]

Oh Geez ,

well as much as it sucks - i would really suggest you tell the guy about this "one time" hook up.

Facing up to things (like the truth) really helps one person in the end .YOU. Why ?

Well because if your guy understands and is okay with it - he is a mature adult , worthy of your attention.

 

If he doesnt understand and wants nothing to do with you - it will plant something in your mind. Like for instance your next heartache - you may not get soo depressed and make unworthy decisions.You may be like" well not gonna do that again" and deal with set backs better.

 

Hope this makes sense. But furthermore - we are all human - we all make mistakes - NO ONE IS PERFECT and i bet this guy you like isnt perfect either!!!!!

[Shadows Light]

OK.. clear to me. Whats the problem? ohhh the irony of it and how hook up guy weaves into real life. Yeah.. if you think about it, it is quite funny, ironic as a matter of fact.

 

How good of a friend is hook up guy to him???

 

Me.. I'd come clean. And I wouldn't feel bad or feel sorry. You made a bad choice. You did something you normally wouldn't do...and thought it was the end of that.

 

If you decide to come clean. I'd treat it as a matter of fact thing. And just say.. "hey.. its a small world isn't it. You want to hear something funny...." and then tell him..I went through a bad break up. I was depressed. I ended up in an internet relationship..and I actually met the guy eventually. Tell him having someone to talk to helped you out. And how you felt about this "INTERNET GUY"...and how in person.. it just didn't work out. Then take it from there.. and tell him. If he reacts negatively.. guess what... NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. IT was before him. It was way before him. If he doesn't understand that.. then... ohhh well.

 

IT may be advisable to tell him. Seeing that guys....like girls talk. And some guys love telling other guys about all their conquests. Not all. But there are those macho types who can't help themselves feel.. more superior.

 

Don't stress too much over it. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't go to a bar, meet this guy and after a few drinks go home with him. You met him on line and probably had quite a few conversations that led to the meeting. Sooooo.. .I'd say that excludes you from being called a "BLEEP"... there's a huge difference.

 

BTW.. I hate that there is a NAME for women. What do they call guys who hook up quickly????? Lucky??

[dizzythedog]

Well the only reason i am hesitant to say anything right now is, what if i say blah blah blah and it ruins the friendship he orignally had with this guy before i got involved at all? I would feel realllllly bad. So that is why i think i want to wait.

[RandomAdvisor]

I've noticed all the replies so far are from women. Here's a guy's perspective: Don't tell him.

 

If it ever comes up somehow, or if he ever asks you, then by all means go ahead and tell him. Don't lie about it. But on the other hand, I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. It's not like you cheated on him with this other guy. I think telling him you slept with one of his friends may create unnecessary problems. Some may disagree, but that's just my opinion.

[dizzythedog]

see that is waht i think. if i say something now, i am afraid it will create new problems especially with his friend (who apparently is a good one) and i dont want to do that. i don't feel bad about the fact that i thought about hooking up, like someone said, it was before him. i just feel awkward that its such a small world and it turned out to be HIS FRIEND who i had to sit through an entire lunch with going in my mind "aaaaawwwwwkkkkkwaaaarrrrdd."

[RandomAdvisor]

Honesty is usually the best policy, but there is such a thing as being too honest. I think this is one of those times. Yes, it's awkward right now. It'll probably be even more awkward if you tell him about it. Maybe the friend does remember you, maybe he doesn't. If it does, then let it be your unacknowledged little secret...

[dizzythedog]

Yeah I am nervous for like two reasons

1) will he think im sketchy for doing the whole online thing?

(even though I didn't even DO anything because I got creeped out there)

2) Will i ruin their friendship and make that awkward

 

I guess it would be better to not bring it up but I feel weird knowing this and he doesnt (thought Id rather he not know)

[RandomAdvisor]

2) Will i ruin their friendship and make that awkward

 

 

That's another thing to consider. I still think not telling him is the way to go.

 

Forgive yourself. It was an honest mistake at a time you were feeling vulnerable.

[NotMyself]

My 2 cents...

 

If I were the guy you hooked up with and I recognized you, I would tell my friend what happened. Being the guy you hooked up with, I might want to let me friend know just in case this was not a random one time event. I would just be looking out for his best interest. I'm not saying it wasn't a one time thing, but his friend doesn't know that.

 

If you don't care to much about this guy and could care less what happens between the two of you, don't tell him.

 

However, if you do care about him, and I were him, I would much rather hear it from you before hearing it from someone else. It just makes you look more honest and will only build more trust between the two of you. If you wait for this other guy to tell him, he might think you never intended to tell him and might be trying to hide something.

[LiveStrong]

This thing you had with hook-up guy was meaningless, right?

 

Well that gives you all the more reason to 'forget' him, so if your guy confronts you about it just say, that it was a bad time in your life and that this hook-up guy didnt mean anything to you, and so you forgot him and hence didnt recognise him and thats why you didnt say anything, If he doesnt say anything then theres no need for you to say anything.

[atraceofblood]

if you two are really liking each other, I think it would be wise to let him know about it with all your honesty. Say it when you two have the time to talk. I'd really appreciate it if there was a girl really into me and we clicked really well, and she brought it up. I'm a really forgiving person though, I guess it depends on the guy. goodluck!

[dizzythedog]

Well I want to bring it up but I mean we are still getting to know each other and personally it seems to early. I would probably be scared off if someone brought that up so early without me knowing the person enough to understand why it happened/ the explaination given.

 

And it really was a one-time-i-want-to-move-on-and-forget-thing. Also, I don't think he has anything to worry about in terms of was the past characteristic of me. So far we have taken things very slowly and are establishing things on a good get to you know basis. But yeah... and its hard to bring up especially without making yourself sound like a lunatic. "Hey so funny story, this one time i was really depressed and hooked up with a guy i barely knew but nothing really happpened because it creeped me out...So that makes me seem normal right..."

[33yeargirl]

in my opinion (girl) it's really nobody's business what you do or have done in the past.

 

I would assume the hook up IS going to say something so be prepared for the question, but in my opinion if he asks you it doesn't show much respect because it puts you in defense mode and it could embarrass you.

 

HOWEVER, if you choose to address it - I would keep it brief and to the point - Something like "...oh yeah I knew he looked familiar. We met awhile back - and it really didn't go anywhere." End of story - if he asks for detail I would state "Well, I'm really not comfortable discussing it."

 

If he says it's a deal breaker - I would say "Sorry to hear that. I just don't think I need to justify myself to anyone"

 

If he pushes it any further, he's being intrusive and nosy and judgemental. I mean if he hears the details from his buddy - then why ask your side. Don't worry you won't ruin their friendship. Guys for some reason come together as if in a cult over stuff like this. They "defend" each other.

 

It's a double standard - okay for the guy - dating suicide for the girl. Good luck - I just don't believe it's anyone's business what you do prior to meeting them - I am very firm on this. I had a three year relationship with someone and they don't even know many things about my past.

 

It's like having someone ask you how many people you've slept with.....YIKES!!! Stay away from that one with a ten foot pole. It's unfair to ask ....Just my thoughts.