Transitional Girlfriend or True Soulmate?

[Bams]

As I wrote several months ago, I met this incredible man and we had the most amazing connection. For months we wrote letters and talked over lunch, then one day I just couldn't resist kissing him, however we were both married, unhappily, yet married. Shortly after that first kiss I left my husband and he left his wife. From day one we seemed to be a perfect match. We talked, enjoyed the same foods, movies etc. and had the an amazing connection in the bedroom. Now here lies the problem. His son was diagnose with being autistic, and he had a 1 year old daughter, so the guilt for him was overwhelming. His wife didn't work (she had a degree as an attorney and used to make 130K, yet wanted to be a stay at home mom) and was taking almost his entire paycheck, and so he had to work 3 jobs just to survive. His wife had also hired an attorney and was fighting to give him only 5 % custody. And to make matters even worse his parents were not supporting his decision to divorce and felt that he left her for me. Finally, he moved out saying he needed 6 months to get his life under control. So, he kissed me goodbye and that was 6 months ago. Since that time he has called only once to say how sorry he was and asked if we could ever be together in the future, however I was already dating another man and told him that I didn't feel I could trust him not to run away again when things got tough. He has written a few emails always being sweet and thanking me for all the good times we had shared. He now has 44% custody of his kids, only works one job and has sold some of his property. He also just settled into his own place (he had been living with his parents for the past 5 months) and has most recently retained a family law attorney. So, he left for all the reasons he stated and has not to my knowledge seeked out another relationship or returned to his wife. I am no longer involved with anyone and my divorce is now final, so I have written him a letter telling him that I still have the love in my heart for him, and a part of me still has kept hope that someday we could work things out, yet I am afraid, because I don't want to hurt anymore. I am now waiting for a response. So, My question is especially to those men out there, am I the transitional woman or his soulmate.

[Shadows Light]

Thats not something that anyone can answer readily its a personal thing.

And a very tough call. If you are both once again single, why don't you try to take it slow and become friends. Friends during the light of day and see what shakes out.

 

The first platform of a relationship should be a shared friendship. So, why not date a while and really take it slow.

 

I hear you..lol. No, one wants to hurt again. Its a painful process you've both gone through and a metamorphesous. Single as you once knew it before marriage... is not the same as then, you've changed. You've both changed.

 

I'd say... get to know each other during the light of day. And take it slow and easy.

[Bams]

That would be fine for myself, however he hasn't responded to my email. I told him I wanted to talk, yet I was afraid. I also told him that I still had love in my heart for him and a part of me has held out hope that one day we could work things out and then I left it in his ballpark. I told him that I was unsure as to how he felt about me and that I was afraid to talk (he has told me he wanted to talk and clear up all misunderstandings) unless I knew how he felt and that I would be assured that we would both try and understand each other without blaming or causing anymore pain. So, now I am waiting for him to write back.

[Shadows Light]

Just got through reading your first posts. Its been exactly 6 months... or its coming up on the date soon isn't it??? lol.

 

He couldn't have predicted it would be 6 months until he gets his stuff together. He picked a ball park figure.

 

I can well understand your worry. I'd be sitting on pins and needles myself in your shoes.

 

Wait to see how he responds to the email. If you can meet for coffee somewhere and talk that would be great. Face to face is always better, you get a better read on people that way. And make the conversation light and don't push to hard.

 

Wow... I feel for you. I really do. Let me know how it turns out. I'll be watching this thread for sure.