Getting back with my confused lover!!

[luke2005]

I started seeing my girl after she had split with her ex of 7 years, she had a child with him as well, i have been seeing mygirlfiend for 18 months and i have even lived with her, i did everything for her and we was very happy, but throughout our realtionship she has flipped out and split up with me on 3 occasions and got back with her ex, but always ended up getting back with me cuz she has said she is in love with me and she is not sexually attracted to him! Do i believe her? This is the forth time she has done it, and she is still telling me she is in love with me but cant be with me(heard this three times befroe by the way) What do i do? Is she still in love with him as well? Willl she ever commit to me cuz i know she loves me but i think she feels for him 2!

 

Help apprciated!!

[RandomAdvisor]

Confused is right. It doesn't sound like this girl is going to make up her mind anytime soon, and the more time you spend with her, the more opportunities you give her to hurt you.

 

I would recommend immediate NC with her. Go to no contact, and move on. It's never a good idea to get involved with someone who is not over their former lover, because then you have things like this happening.

 

And yes, she does still love him.

[luke2005]

But she says she loves me, i cant understand her, maybe your right no contact is for the best , but its so difficult with sharing so many good times with her, and helping bring up her child for 18months!!

[heloladies21]

This trend will keep continuing for sure. You always let her back in so why should she change? She doesn't love either one of you, she's just confused about life.

[luke2005]

But its so difficult and she always says she loves me, she has also done alot for me but i dont understand y she keeps getting back with us both, she says she feels more secure with him, but she feels that i appreciate her more!! I havent spoke 2 her for a few days now and i missing herl like crazy, is there any point in getting back with? will she ever commit? what do i do about this situation?

[BONO]

This could be the hardest thing you have done in your life right now. But if you really really want to know if she wants you or him you have to have NO CONTACT at all. Read all the threads here mate esp Superdave71 on NC(NO Contact) It really does work. She has to miss you and you need to grow and change into something she will miss even more. But the key is to do it for yourself.

 

Jamie

[RandomAdvisor]

But she says she loves me, i cant understand her, maybe your right no contact is for the best , but its so difficult with sharing so many good times with her, and helping bring up her child for 18months!!

 

She said she had no feelings for him and didn't love him anymore too. But if that were true, she would be with you and never would have broken up with you.

 

Actions speak louder than words.

 

Go to no contact.

[CATLOVER]

luke2005

 

Oh bummer Luke. I know what your talking about...I am well trying to come through something very similar. My Ex also has a small child with his former partner and he also keeps swinging in his feelings. He says he loves her because she is his childs mother but says he loves me to.......he keeps saying how he is in love with two.......But bugger that.....I want someone for myself. I went to no contact for three months but then caved the other week....and when he was talking I can tell he is still just as confused as before........all it did was hurt to hear him still crapping on.

I know its hard and its sad and it hurts, but a lifetime of that business will hurt far worse and destroy me....no one is worth that. Im back on NC now.......and I sincerely hope heading towards something healthier and happier for myself.... What I do is try to focus on what it is I want.....if I ask myself honestly do I want to share a partner with another women...do I want a partner whom I cannot rely on, do I want a partner that can change his mind when he feels like it......I definitely would not want that for myself....so thats the answer. Also like others have said......by being there with waiting arms it only enables their behaviour....and they have no reason to change it. Goodluck Luke....be strong

[luke2005]

thanks catlover its good to get an opinion from some1 who has been in a similar situation, but i am so week and i am finding it so hard to walk away, i went to NC managed about a week and she was constantly phoning and texting yestersay, i finally spoke 2 her last night and she is asking for me back and she is now saying she wants to give me her love and commitment and for us to settle, so i ended up going round last night, we made love and had a nice chat, but today she has not made any effort again!! I am so confused, i am tempted to give it 1 more try!!!