GF flirting to males online

[MGuy]

Hi everyone,

 

I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months and I find her constantly responding and joking with guys on a public forum. I'm in my early 30's and she is in her early 20's so there is a fair bit of age gap between us.

 

Here is a snippet of the public forum interaction she has recently had with a male member: (would you classify this as flirting?)

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My gf:

I eat a bowl of mixed fruit (what ever i find in season) drizzled with honey and a side of yoghurt- I know its not a traditional breakfast, but i love it mmmmm

 

Male on forum: that sounds like a DIET. u r banned from da forum until u take trip to our area with Gary. (bring pepper spray)

 

My gf:

um does it sound like a diet?????? I know its healthy, but its no diet. i dont diet. i eat what ever i want, when i want hehehe

Seriously though, I like to look after myself and eat healthy is that a crime???? LOL

 

Male on forum:

yes. yes it is. will these ppl eva learn?

 

My gf:

its a crime? well then whats my sentence???? lol ill just stick to my fruit n honey mmmmmmmmm

 

Male on forum:

yes, it is a crime..in all 52 countries. the others dont have fruit. sentence - go to my area n bring back food for da forum....NOW! it should be open in a few hrs. dont fall asleep at da wheel

 

My gf:

LOL i dont care bout wht everyone else does... i like to be different u think im going to go to your area to bring back food for u

- tooo funny- im too far from you mate hehehehe

 

Male on forum:

then u better start driving it should be open by da time u get ther. dont forget da food, k?

 

My gf:

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

You make me laugh...... im not bringing u or anyone anything ur just too lazy to go and get it urself ure gonna have 2 find another stooge LOL

 

Male on forum:

LOL u make me laugh 2 ---- now go get my FOOD

 

My gf:

im glad i make u laugh cause guess what... im still not getting it for you hahahahahaha

... a please never goes a stray

 

Male on forum:

woman, plz stop talkin n start walkin

 

My gf:

ahhh a charmer LOL hahahaha is that your idea of saying please? LOL LOL typical LOLLLLL

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Some history, Gary is another male on the forum which she has given her phone number to from the start of our relationship. He used to call her for many months while we were seeing each other. She told me about Gary calling her constantly - he is a single guy from a different state and has expressed interest in her on the phone. She continued to accept his calls for months, and told me how they both developed trust and could tell each other anything. I told her from the start that him calling you bothers me, but she continued to accept his calls. I have confronted her about this and told her outright that that is emotional cheating. The phone calls have stopped a couple of months ago and the other day she was extremely apologetic for the emotional cheating.

 

What is bothering me is that she gives out her MSN details to strange males through the forum and continues to have MSN chats with males from different states, and appears to develop emotional connections with.

 

Because of Gary and his persistent phone calls to my girlfriend in the past, I am finding it difficult to trust her with males on the forum, and in general.

 

I recently gave her a hypothetical scenario:

 

"If we were married, and one of your male friends calls you up to see a movie, and I am unable to make it, would you go with your male friend to the movies?"

 

Her response was, "Why not? I don't see a problem with that."

 

One other problem is that she rarely wants to see me on weekends - we only see each other for an hour or two during weeknights after work...

 

All this is really bothering me and I really would appreciate some advice on what to do ... I am in love with this girl but she is making life confusing for me at present...

 

Thanks,

 

One Confused guy.

[rikki_tikki_tavi]

You're in a hard spot, friend. Having been there before, I have some idea what you must be going through.

 

In every working relationship I've ever seen, whether monogamous, polyamorous or what have you, there has to exist respect, trust, and accountability. You've expressed how her felicity with flirtatious strangers online bothers you, and are upset to the point where you've catalogued her forum posts. That can really irritate private people, whether they're identified or not. Reguardless of what she's doing, it's still her privacy.

 

If her decisions irk you to this degree, I suggest you consider distancing yourself from it. Situations like this can easily make people irrational, and if I'm not out of line in saying so, it would help you to think this through calmly and objectively.

 

Would it would be better if she were spending time with friends you have mutually, people you've met, know and can trust? You've never met these people, and if she's not interested in introducing you, that's a friend kept in secret. I wouldn't know how else to read that, other than a sign of mistrust. She's important to you; you've invested a lot of emotion in her. Does she respect that?

 

If her idea of a good time makes you this uncomfortable, and she shows no desire to change in some way or make the situation more accomodating for you, she might have to continue doing this without you. Your life is more valuable than to be spent with someone who doesn't respect your concerns.

[BellaDonna]

What is bothering me is that she gives out her MSN details to strange males through the forum and continues to have MSN chats with males from different states, and appears to develop emotional connections with.

 

Her talks with Gary seem to fall under emotional cheating- and the time she invests talking to men online- it is a violation of your relationship.

 

Although nothing has happened physically- I think the potential is there- for instance, what if one of these internet guys happens to be in your area or a neighboring area- would they meet? Did the 2 of you meet online by any chance?

 

I hate to sound mean- but it also sounds like she needs to "get a life". Aren't there more constructive ways for her to spend her time? I can't see what she can possibly get out of the type of conversation you posted where she's talking about yogurt. It all seems very immature. She's looking for attention from men for some reason.

 

Do you think she has an internet addiction?

 

One other problem is that she rarely wants to see me on weekends - we only see each other for an hour or two during weeknights after work...

 

Do you think she's spending that weekend time on the computer?

 

Honestly, if it were me- I'd show her the door. It doesn't sounds like a very healthy relationship at all. If it makes you uncomfortable (and I can see why it would) and she's not doing anything about it- you're better off moving on and finding a mature woman who lives in reality and not in an internet fantasyland.

 

BellaDonna

[MGuy]

We did meet online - through the same public forum... She is at university still and says that she has a lot of studying to do. Although, she manages to find time to see her friends.

 

I have told her many times that our relationship needs ground rules, and she doesn't like that idea at all. I think she just wants to be free - I think she may enjoy the attention she gets from men online...

 

She says that I need to trust her because she is honest and open about everything, even about Gary's calls in the past...but that doesn't make it right. I told her that if you rob a bank, telling the police about it won't make it right.

 

Everything else is perfect between us, we get along like a house on fire, we have a very strong connection and I know she loves me with all her heart. So I don't understand why she continues to do what bothers me... I don't think she is doing it on purpose - perhaps she is just immature - the age gap is 11 years (she is 21, and i am 32).

[Celadon]

A lot of this probably does stem from your age gap. She's young and wants to be free to do develop her identity, which is what she's doing through flirting with men (yes, that's online flirting).

 

I dated a younger man for awhile and his need to "develop himself" always came before our relationship. I finally realized that we weren't in a healthy relationship and got the heck out.

 

Your situation will probably go on for a least a couple of years, because she's going to put her needs before yours. You have to ask yourself if that's what you want.

[combat_barbie]

Are you serious? She was probably jsut bored. There is no harm is what she was doing. The only possible way I could see this being a bad thing is is she was ignoring you to talk to these guys. I mean if she's just hoem one night and bored and feels like chatting there is nothing wrong with it. She's allowed to have male friends.

[MGuy]

I asked her about it and she did say she was bored at the time - it was 12:30am and she couldn't sleep. She wasn't ignoring me...

 

I am fine with her having male friends, it's the apparent flirting that is bothering me. After discussing it with her, she said it was purely sarcasm but the responses don't sound very sarcastic to me... Gary worked his way into her life in the same manner through the forum - I am just concerned the Gary incidents will happen again with this new guy...