scared of loving

[colbysweet]

I am in love. It's like I don't know how to cope with this feeling. It's so intense, and I can't imagine not being with him. He's my best friend. So if I lost him, I would be losing my best friend also. This is a massive chunk of my life.

 

I keep seeing the end, and seeing the pain. Someone once said, they loved someone so much it hurt. I too, feel this. But I am afraid, that loving should not hurt. Living in fear is what hurts. I fear being abandoned. This feeling that I am feeling, (love) is so intense and real, that I never want it to stop.

 

I can almost taste the pain that I will experience when/if this ends. I think in my heart, I believe that it being my first true love, means that it will end someday, and I cannot stop thinking about it.

 

Tonight I was with him and I was laying on his chest listening to his heart beat and my eyes filled with tears as I could just imagine what the end would be like. Then, once I snapped out of it, I was feeling as loved as I wanted to feel. And there I was drunk on our company, feeling that contentment I am holding onto so dearly.

 

I do believe, this is the drunkest on love I have ever been. And at the same time I almost feel angry with myself for falling so deep. I am starting to feel dependant on him, and that scares me. I told him I loved him, and he said it back. But ever since then, I have been scared to say it again.

 

It just so happens that all of these feelings have started, when we have been seeing each other less. (entirely because of hectic lifestyles)

 

Is this maybe me just coming to terms with this consuming feeling of love, that I have never experienced before? Will me being so scared, stop? I need to stop feeling like I need reassurance, when everything is going fine.

[segagirl]

You are standing before what seems like an extraordinary gift. You want to be close to one another in such a beautiful way you feel like you cannot breathe. You delve into their smell, their touch, and their perfect smile and yes their heartbeat. Such exquisite torment. Love, oh love the first glimpse of such a beautifully fragrant emotion.

Ok, done rambling. Yes, it's perfectly normal to be swept away in a fashion that is quite frightening, as yes it will fade a tad. I think that as long as your fears are not driving him away, you are just fine. When we first fall, we tend to hold so tight we lose ourselves. When you realize that love is beautiful regardless of the outcome, and you learn to be independent while also loving….you will then find the most wonderful peace and comfort…..

[SwingFox]

Hi Colby,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am pleased to hear that you are feeling so good in his presense. I understand that you are afraid of loosing him and his friendship.

 

I share sega's opinion. Love is a dynamic thing. While you are so head over heels in love with him that it almost hurt, your love for him will change. Not for worse, actually probably for the better. You will learn to become more independend and to go with the flow, while you still deeply love this guy.

 

I hope that you will find your way along this love and I wish you luck and happiness. Just feel the love and happiness as they are now and enjoy each others company.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[colbysweet]

... thanks guys.

 

i think what scares me the most, is that this fear is consuming me. for the last few days, i have been thinking about it non stop... it's driving me insane. it even makes me cry. the other day in particular, when i really realised how much i depend on him, i started crying so much that i could hardly breathe.

 

i am aware that i will be upset when/if we break up, but at the moment i feel like it would be out of control. i don't think i could even go to work or function... i feel it's almost unhealthy what i am feeling.

 

he has a lot of things in his life, and i am part of that. whereas, for me, it's just him. when i am out with friends, i still can't stop thinking about him. i even will make my plans around the days he might be free.

 

it feels like i am in that besotted crush stage at the start of a relationship, but after 8 months, it should have become a little easier.

 

i want to be more like him. independent.

 

i don't know if i need to get some counselling or not, just to help me learn how to be happy without him also. i just want to enjoy the time we have, and get these thoughts out of my head.

[segagirl]

I think seeking therapy is a great idea. They can help you work through any issues about self-esteem that you may be having, and or work through "old" issues that are causing this fear in you. My concern being again, you dont want this fear to ruin a good thing my dear!

[sayer7]

For some reason this sounds like a 'Honeymoon Phase'. Everything seems out-of-this-world euphoric and perfect...

 

Except you're scared the feeling's gonna end. Right? It's the curse of the 'What ifs' "What if we break up when we argue the first time?" What if this wonderful feeling ends?" "What if... what if... what if......"

 

Well, I hate to break it to you... but yes- at some point this euphoric feeling may and probably will end. Some dispute will probably occur and you will probably feel it's the end of the world- at least the end of the dreamstate you'd been living in.

 

BUT IT WON'T BE THE END OF THE WORLD! It just means you're relationship has reached, what I call, the 'Reality Phase' which is, in all reality, where all healthy relationships should get to at some point or another. All relationships must have their ups and downs and both partners have to be ready to deal with problems, work through them, and try to wind up with stronger bonds after the whole ordeal.

 

Love is something out of your control. Your fear stems from knowing you cannot control Love, that you know these dips into reality are inevitable. You have to learn to relinquish control, face the fear- let the dips into reality happen knowing that if the relationship survives, your friendship AND your Love will be stronger than it has ever been before.

 

Have faith that you will face challenges together as a team, and that your Love will flow easily through any problems you face.

 

Remember: There are times where you can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor... but you have to plant the seeds and do the labor before you can fully enjoy the fruits.

 

Hope this helps relieve your fears some.