Wife may need bigger to cum..????

[Cody Smith]

We have been married 13 yrs. The last 8 have really seen a decline in the quality of sex.

 

She has never had an orgasum threw sex...just masterbation, and I understand some woman cant

 

We have had several heart felt conversation about this topic. Most recently she addmitted to haveing 95% no sex drive. The sex we do have which is almost every night is just to "get me off" She has agreed to have sex when ever I want it as long as she can just lay there.

 

I have always had a very strong drive. I like toys, new things, long foreplay, body contact, the whole deal.

 

In the past when I have had a new dildo to try to spice things up a bit she would complain its to hard, its too cold ect..

 

So 4 weeks ago I got a rubber inflatable 8 inch dildo. At first she was "what ever!" She did masterbate with it inside her to orgasum. I do not move it in or out, I just hold it all the way in while she rubs her clit. She said it was "ok". ( She masterbates about once a week w/ me)

 

I have now used it on her a few times and she is diffanantly haveing stronger and longer orgsums. For the first time the other day after she had cum I started to pump her with it. Slowly in and out and I could tell she was getting hot. ( Remember this is from a lady who has told me she has almost no sex drive.) The kids started acting up so we had to stop.

 

The next time I used it again on her. She got on all four and I worked it in and out of her. She was liking it and said this may make me cum! She asked me to stop and to hop on her and cum myself. ( I had to go to work)

While I was inside her and thrusting I asked if it felt better w/ the big dildo or myself. She said they feel differant. I asked again which one she liked better? She said the big one and was embarssed.

 

 

I told her not to feel bad! She asked me why I wanted to do this to her? I said do what? She replied " make me like bigger penises, I like yours the way it is now" I told her I just wanted her to get more out of sex. If you can cum from the big one maybe you will get your drive back.

 

Can any wifes relate to this? Dose anyone thank this is bad? I would love some help on this.

[Tigris]

If it is working for her. And both of you are enjoying what you are doing then I can see no problem with this at all.

 

Enjoy yourselves.

 

Have fun and take care.

 

 

[BellaDonna]

The sex we do have which is almost every night is just to "get me off" She has agreed to have sex when ever I want it as long as she can just lay there.

 

I think this is key....

 

Sex has become a "chore" for her. If this is the case- she is going to have trouble having an orgasm and feeling close to you in general. You clearly have a much higher sex drive than her- If you need sex every day for 13 years- I would say that is actually an over-active sex drive.

 

I can tell you from personal experience that there there is a clear difference between sex for the sake of your partner and sex when you want actually it. I think every healthy couple has compromised now and then. There are times in my own marriage when I'll have sex with my husband- even when I'm too tired, just to please him (this is rare because usually we're in sync). When this happens, I still get something out of it- however it's not that wonderful euphoric feeling I'd get if I was actually "in the mood".

 

The key is to let your wife's tension build up a little and then have sex. Take a break. She might need a week to get built-up again. Focus on quality, not quantity. If you give her time to crave it, it is going to be much better for the both of you- If you give her time to develop a sexual appetite, when you are intimate- you're much more likely to get her off in different ways. For instance, if it's one of those sex nights where I'm tired- it will take work for me to get off- however if I'm craving it- almost anything my husband does to me can bring me over the edge. I never get off from sex alone unless I'm really craving it.

 

In this case- I think your wife likes the sex toy because the sex toy does not have to get off. It doesn't expect anything in return. It's soley for her pleasure. The sex toy is not associated with the "chore" sex has become for her. She probably feels less obligated to perform under those circumstances....because it's just a toy. In contrast, your penis might be associated with the chore of "just laying there" every night. Does that make any sense?

 

Dose anyone thank this is bad?

 

If you found a way to get her off from penetration, then that's great. There's nothing "bad" about it. However I think with a little patience and understanding on your part, you could just as easily get her off from that same position during sexual intercourse with you. I don't think this has anything to with size. I think it has do with the association as sexual intercourse as a chore for her. And her ability to escape that when a toy is used instead.

 

BellaDonna

[jna35]

Don't take it personally, your wife may need a "bigger" penis due to having weak pelvic floor muscles from having kids. So maybe she doesn't have as much feeling there as she used to. Also, it sounds like perhaps your drives are off and each of you is on a different side of the spectrum. Maybe her hormones are playing a part in her lack of drive. That said, if the new toy is fun for both of you, then I say go for it and have fun!!

[Cody Smith]

I do understand what has been said..thanks!

[Cody Smith]

But I do have to say..that I get really mixxed signals. She masterbates 1-2 times a week..which she lies to me about...I know because she masterbates with a softball that she grids into her clit....I can tell when she has "used the ball". I think its great..I dont know why she cant tell me....I dont ask that offen anyway. I may have gone a little over baord with the ever night. If she not into she can just ask for a pass.... Im not a complete jerk-off

[jna35]

Maybe she just needs you to be more sensitive to her needs (and I'm not saying you're not), but perhaps she feels like you need her to be a sex machine. Do you do the whole romance and foreplay thing? Have you talked to her about why she hides the fact that she masturbates from you? I would sit her down and have a heart to heart. Maybe she is just feeling overwhelmed. How old are your kids?

[TheVindicator]

If she were to do her kegels like a good girl should! She'd be having even stronger orgasms