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[coooolsome]

I dont know why I want to do this. After I calmed down and got over the breakup, I started thinking a lot. My ex was everything I ever wanted in a woman. I think I know why she broke up with me and I respect it. I dont like it, but I respect it. I has made me a new person and to tell you the truth, I want her to remember me as the person I am now and will be in a month.

 

Yes she is interested in this new guy. Yes, I think they will start dating. I have the expectation they will get married b/c its easier for me then to wait for them to breakup. However, I want her to think about what she is letting go. I want her to see that I am not the same pathetic fool I was. I dont expect her to come back to me b/c of this but who knows what will happen.

 

Plus I would like to have one last good memory of us for me. I dont want to remember her as the person that broke my heart. I dont want to remember her as the party girl she is now. When I talk to her she is the same person I fell in love with. I want to remember her as the person I first fell in love with and go through life with that memory. I know its easier to move on if you have a bad memory of someone but I would rather heal with a good memory than a bad one.

 

I know what mistakes I made during the breakup, and I think I have fixed some of them. I would like to show her I changed, I wont tell her. Plus who knows, we may end up being best friends one day down the road. We both might find people that are better for us. I dont know what the future will bring but I look forward to it.

[OCD]

Ok....so I called. It actually went pretty well. I just asked how she was, what's she doing on her day off, small talk. I said it was nice to see you the other day...She said yeh? I said sure...then she says "you really didn't say hi to me?" I was confused at this point...I said I'm sorry I didn't mean to come off that way...I waved, smiled and said 'Hi guys!' Your son answered and I thought I heard you say "Fine thanks?" So I moved on...So she was like ohh ok and she seemed to be fine with that... Then she asks about how my date was??? Some of you may remember I wasn't going out on a date the night I talked to her, I was just meeting a friend for a sandwhich and she thought it was 'date' even though I told her it wasn't. So I said no it wasn't a date, I'm not seeing anybody at the moment, just meeting new people and getting out and to answer your question it went well. I said what about you, what are you doing? She goes oh nothing (meaning she wasn't seeing anybody), I'm just doing stuff around my house,etc. I said that's cool...So at this point things were going pretty well, we laughed a little, talked about some other stuff, and I figured I'd better get off quick...So I said hey if you'd like to get that cup of coffee sometime would be nice...She said, well I don't know... I said that's fine no pressure, if you'd like to go sometime you know my number, kay? She said I'll take a rain check on that alright. I said that's wonderful, no problem. I have to run so have a great day and keep in touch...she said you too, bye....I said alright talk to you later...she said kay...

The call actually went pretty quickly and just small talk, no pressure but I thought it was interesting that she asked why I didn't say hi to her in the store and also why she was asking about my date, and also that she'd take a rain check on that coffee? Any thoughts...I actually feel a little better talking to her and she really didn't shut me out like I feared. So it went pretty well...Thanks for the confidence guys!!

 

OCD

[Rickster]

coolsome, I actually do what you said. Ive been doing it since... quite a while. Ive not given up hope, and I will not give up hope. Everyone gives up to much. Im not going to be called a quiter.

 

my update:

 

I just called her. And guess what, after 2 weeks and 2 days of NC she sounded pretty much her old self. She told me something, and it made me feel like she wants me in her personal life. I don't mean being together, but just having to know each others life once again. I told her about my car accident that I just recently had. And she really sounded so much like her self. It was kind of funny, so hopefully she found it very interesting. It was swell. But then I think she was chatting online while I was talking to her, but I didn't realise, so at one point she stopped talking... I respect that she needs her own time too. So I wasn't disheartened from it. Infact, I was disturbing, and I guess I called her at a wrong time. And she said she was busy at the moment. So I said sorry and both of us put down the phone. Went perfect!

 

 

coolsome, that 2 weeks of NC worked even better. Thanks man.

[coooolsome]

Rickster, yeah I notice it too. The longer you stay away the better the conversations become.

[nataliejulie]

If you can bare the pain, I don't see why not. Im not sure how Im moving on. I have suddenly lost the feeling of moving on. At the moment I don't have any goals. So I don't know where I should be moving to.

 

As strange as this might sound, I thought of a goal for myself and it might help you too. I have to become a better, stronger person. I mean, everyone tells you that after a break up right? They say, it's good for you and good for them if they ever come back.

 

Well I decided I have to start on self control and patience. What's the best way other than NC? Man, you wouldn't believe how hard it is for me. I'm surprised I don't have the shakes. But my goal is to see how long I can go without him for. To see how long I can live my life without him in. My goal has become to remove him from my brain romantically and that pedestal I've put him on. Mostly, how long can I go without making contact with him.

 

It sounds super silly, but I'm actually excited about it. It's like a self test for you and NOT them. It's a start. And why am I excited? Because if I can do this, I can move on, I can work on myself and I'm building up better strength than I ever had before.

 

It's almost like dieting. It's real hard to cut those carbs out of your daily eating habits, but in the long run, you lose weight, you look great, and you're much healthier. And you can say, I CAN DO IT AND I DID IT.

 

Cheesy But I hope that helps...

[OCD]

Good pointes NatalieJulie, I'm trying to see how long I can go too. I just made my second call to my ex in 3 months...it went pretty well, but I thought it could have gone better. I have no idea why she couldn't meet for coffee just to chat? I'm not sure what sort of feelings she having towards me, but they are sure confusing...As I've been going through this whole breakup thing...I've been through so many emotions...at first I was sad/angry, lonely, helpless, sad again, depressed, a little happy, feeling better, back to depressed again, and today I'm just plane angry. Is this weird? I'm angry at the fact I'm letting this person who I thought I cared about make 'me' feel this way. I gave her everything I could possibly give her and that wasn't enough. I'm also angry at the fact she just left me without a word and now continues to call me once in a while to check on me?? What's that all about?? I'm slowly realizing that this person isn't good for me...after reflecting these past few months I've started to realize she wasn't that good to me and I was putting more into the relationship than she was...it just took time for me to realize this and it hit me today pretty hard. I'm pretty much done staying up late worrying about this person coming back into my life after that call yesterday...how can she say I didn't say hello to her in the store when I did?? And why would she care anyway since she threw me away?? We does she care that I would say hello?? It doesn't make sense...And if she did want to stay in some sort of friendship, why would she "take a raincheck on that coffee". How harmless is coffee between 2 adults? I've never given her any reason to not talk to me...I've kept my cool through this whole thing and I've realized I do have plenty to be upset about. I guess this is part of the healing process and I hope it's coming to an end...I thought I loved this person, and perhaps I still do, but I should not be treated this way. I know I'm a better person than the way she's treating me...it just took a while for me to realize this...sorry, but I just needed to go off a bit....thanks!

 

OCD

[coooolsome]

I was reading some old posts and came accross this one by ziggystar

 

 

Its very true. Why do we need our ex's to be happy? We don't.

[Rickster]

Hey nataliejulie

 

well my ex is online, but i don't think i'm going to IM her. i want it to be aloof. she called me yesterday cause i told her i was near her house and she called me twice. natalie, i think ive found out what ive improved in as a person and what i want to continue doing. i want to be a more understanding person. and i think after this ive kind of accomplished that, and also i want to be a more forgiving person. ive forgiven my ex for dumping me, and forgotten about all the nasty things she's said.

 

thanks.

[Nicesmile]

You guys have been so great in sharing your stories that I felt you would help if I posted. Am totally unable to shake my lonliness and I broke NC. the reason I did that was that I found out he had brought someone home for the weekend. We broke up about a month ago but continued to live together until I moved out two weeks ago. I had hoped that with NC and time he would talk to me eventually about getting back together or even if he didn't I would be able to move on. But this has sent me reeling downwards. I know he doesn't owe me anything and has every right to move on but two weeks and he brought someone to our home? Doesn't he have any idea how much that would hurt me. We built memeories there. I would rather he moved out of the house even. We had a chat for about 5 minutes where I didn't bring up the OW or his behaviour. He said his way of getting over us was to go out and drink and have an affair and asked whether I was doing the same. He asked about how I was doing and said I could talk to him when I needed to. Am determined not to, but I don't think I can handle any more. I get to hear what he is doing. what should I do when this continues that i.e. the OW coming over. Help me guys. Everyone says am strong. I don't feel strong at all. Am very lost. How will I ever get over him?

[Rickster]

my update again:

well from last night i felt quite bad. after my previous post i looked at this new profile thing she made, and it had pictures of her and her bf. and from the description it sounded like she liked her life now. i told myself before this incident that i will not look at any new pictures i.e. friendster(i hate that thing) cause i know it will include her bf and it will hurt me. but it hurt me this time because i thought that she broke up with her bf, but apparently not. i know having expectations is bad, but its very difficult to live a life without having one or two expectations. and i didn't want myself to think that she broke up with her bf but somehow i did because each time i called her she sounded more interested to talk to me and i thought that she realised we had something special that no one else can do the same as i did for her. im not feeling really bad, just kind of disappointed and sad. i know that im strong and im still fighting. and i know that she wouldn't speak to a depressed me, and im going to show her the real me.

[AC874]

Rickster,

 

I strongly suggest you move on, completely.

 

I feel like this is going to drag you down further.

[Rickster]

HAH! Im feeling so much better already! Ive thought about it from a different perspective. Im thinking why should I care about photos. Before I saw them photos I knew that she was with another guy the only thing which made me sad was because I kind of expected she broke up with him. Im stronger than photos, its not going to hurt me. I know I can still go through this, in my mind im ready and set for anything.