PixieDust Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Has anyone met someone online that didn't live nearby, travel to meet them then have it turn out bad? I have met someone 1200 miles away (a few months ago) and am willing to travel there but I am concerned that I will get there and then there is no connection. I think it would be really uncomfortable. Anyone have this experience? Also don't know how long to wait to meet this person so any advice there would be helpful as I'm new to cyber relationships. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 No - I've never traveled that far to meet anyone. I think if you are concerned, a good idea would be to meet the person in a big city (ie, San Francisco, Chicago, New York), or at least a city where you two can meet half-way. Just meet them for lunch or something, and if things don't go well, at least your weekend isn't lost. You can still do things by yourself in the city. (Myself, I would wait until the guy comes to you though, or at least offers to come to a city closer to you.) good luck! Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 No - I've never traveled that far to meet anyone. I think if you are concerned, a good idea would be to meet the person in a big city (ie, San Francisco, Chicago, New York), or at least a city where you two can meet half-way. Just meet them for lunch or something, and if things don't go well, at least your weekend isn't lost. You can still do things by yourself in the city. (Myself, I would wait until the guy comes to you though, or at least offers to come to a city closer to you.) good luck! Agreed. Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 I live in NYC and he lives in the midwest. I had thought of possibly meeting somewhere. I think you had a good idea annie24, thanks sorry, still getting used to the format. how would you re-approach this subject? We both decided that it would be best to continue talking for a little while then when we got to the point that we felt we had to meet we would. Part of me thinks we should get it overwith so that we don't wast time and emotion and part of me thinks we should wait to see if it's worth it. Link to comment
smallworld Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I have and it was honestly two of the best weeks of my life. I have no regrets and no matter what happens will always consider this special person to be "family." You didn't say, but have you tried taking the next step by establishing a phone relationship with each other? It's strange at first, but it'll definitely make the transition from chatting to meeting a lot easier when you have a familiar voice to connect with that face. When you do meet, you might want to build in time away from each other, so that things stay cordial and no one is overwhelmed. Also make sure to plan activities that you'd both enjoy sharing, so the time together is more fun and less awkward. Hth! Link to comment
novaseeker Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Has anyone met someone online that didn't live nearby, travel to meet them then have it turn out bad? I have met someone 1200 miles away (a few months ago) and am willing to travel there but I am concerned that I will get there and then there is no connection. I think it would be really uncomfortable. Anyone have this experience? Also don't know how long to wait to meet this person so any advice there would be helpful as I'm new to cyber relationships. Mine turned out well (2000 miles away). I think, however, that keys for this succeeding are: (1) talk on the phone a bit before you decide to visit; (2) know about the living/friends/family situation in some detail; (3) have your own place to stay; (4) plan some things to do rather than leaving it open; and (5) don't decide to go until you feel comfortable and know enough about the other person to decide if it makes sense. It may be a good idea, as others have suggested, to meet in a city like Chicago or someplace like that which is more neutral ground and where there are a lot of things to do. Also, plan the first trip to be a short one ... a couple of days. That way, if things don't connect, it's a pretty short period of time. Good luck! Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 Sorry for the late response but I can't post at work. No, we haven't gone to the phone yet. I know I'm jumping ahead but I'm just trying to see what I will be in for.I'm very anxious about talking on the phone. I've never been a phone person. I can either write or be myself in person but I'm just not good at phone conversations. I can see him starting to hold me at arms length since he brought up the whole subject. I think that I'm more hopeful and interested than he is. We really enjoy talking to each other, both the funny parts and serious parts work well and we're both looking for the same things out of life right now. I don't know how to move things along without forcing it or pushing him too fast. My friends seem to think that I should wait for him to offer to call or meet and that I shouldn't bring up the subject. I don't know. Link to comment
smallworld Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I agree with your friends. If he's holding you at arms length now, than you're probably better off not pressing at this point. But as you very well know, you really do need to meet at some point, because the longer you both limit this relationship to online communication, the more you're both at risk of investing emotionally in a relationship that isn't fully "real." I realize that the feelings you have for each other can be strong and seem genuine, but they're feelings for a romanticized, "mysterious" version of a human being. The sooner you can meet each other and see what's real and what's imagined, the better. As much as you both might fear rejection, it might help things move along if you planned to meet several months from now. This way the relationship will move naturally move forward, but you'll both have plenty of time to get used to the idea and talk out any fears or concerns you may have. As for the phone, I understand what you mean about not being a "phone" person, but don't you speak on the phone occasionally with friends and family? It's the logical next step. You don't have to talk for hours, just a one time 5 minute chat would be a good start to becoming "real" to each other. When you do decide to meet, it would also be a good way to hash out the logistics of meeting. Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 oh yeah, I'm completely capable of being on the phone I'm just not a big phone person. I have the emotional part of this down, I know about the fantasy vs reality thing. What I can't seem to figure out is the timing...who should do what and when. I have to wait for him to say to me lets chat on the phone, meanwhile my emotions continue to get more involved although I'm trying to hold back and I should be talking to him (and meeting) sooner rather than later. And how can I plan to meet him a few months down the road if I have to wait for him to suggest it? And how many months should one wait to do all of these things? Link to comment
Cody Smith Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Have you seen what he looks like? Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 Yes I have, however I decided today that I will not persue this anymore. I'm going to cut contact with him. He's pulling away too much and sending me clear signs that I should not be waiting for him. Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 I feel heartbroken even though I never really knew him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Don't be heartbroken! Like you said, you don't even know him. What you miss is the "ideal image" you had of him in your head. You haven't even heard his voice! It's ok - plenty of men out there, and plenty of single ones in your area too! Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 I know it was an ideal created in my head but I've been through a lot over the past year. I forgot how hard it is starting on a new site. Everyone over there knew me and what I've gone through and I can't post about this. I found that site because I went through a terrible breakup with a Narcissist that left me for another woman. My love life since has been a mess. I don't believe that the men in my area are of decent values however I'm starting to believe that it's the same everywhere. On top of that I've had illness in my family. Just a lot to take in and I didn't really need this kind of stress and pain. I was kind of hoping he would save me from all of that which I know is wrong but I needed a break. I still think he's a great guy, he's just not open to a relationship. I guess I'm just venting but thanks for all of your support. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 No problem - vent away Just remember - you are not looking for large groups of men that are your type - just one! Don't lose sight of that.... Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 You know, I think that might have been one of the best pieces of advice I've gotten. Thank you Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 You know, I think that might have been one of the best pieces of advice I've gotten. Thank you awwww.... thanks Link to comment
elaineska Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Hi, just letting you know that you two can get to know each other SO well using webcameras. I don't know if you do already. I met my love online and he travelled a long way to see me (literally... Rome to Indiana) and things are perfect between us. But then again I'm told my story is quite unusual. Hehe. Just letting you know sparks can fly! Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 Yeah, it's over. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 It's ok - just get back on the dating site - you'll meet someone new Link to comment
elaineska Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Ah... perhaps I should have read through the entire thread. Sorry things couldn't work out. Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 Oh no worries. At my age, I've been through enough breakups to fill this whole site. He told me yesterday that I was right, that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I'm ok with it. I kind of expected it, I have zero faith in men. Everyone I've ever dated has lied and/or cheated so nothing surprises me anymore and I get over it much more quickly than when I was your age. Link to comment
netrumpus Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 ive travelled 7000 miles to meet her. It was the most memorable 2 weeks in my life .. The outcome does not matter now ..the fact that i pursued it instead of repenting my entire life with "what if" feelings .... Link to comment
PixieDust Posted October 24, 2005 Author Share Posted October 24, 2005 an update for anyone who was following this.... He was lying about who he was. He gave me some personal information and I did a quick internet search to see if I could trust what he was saying. Well the red flags that I was seeing were right. He is 16 years older than he said he was. I'm assuming everything else was a lie. I confronted him via email and he is trying to make me feel guilty for accusing him of lying....so I sent him what I found and asked him to please not harm me since all you need is a little bit of information to find out a lot about a person these days. The internet is a scary place. Don't trust anyone that you don't know and be careful. Thank you to everyone who responded, I have learned something new even if the situation wasn't optimal. Link to comment
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