PixieDust

I've been thinking about this, why I posed the question and why I'm having a problem trusting people. It seems like most of the time my mistrust is not unfounded. I've been through a lot over the past year, 2 cheating boyfriends, a guy posing as my friend but ended up using me, a guy who asked out both my friend and I, and the latest I have become a victim of an internet predator. As I'm writing this it seems almost unbelievable. If I saw someone else writing this I would probably think they were making all of this up but it's all true. I've gotten to the point that I just don't trust anyone anymore and I don't know how to get past that. I've been very down lately. Whenever I have a bad dream about my ex I go through this down cycle and end up depressed and questioning everyone and everything. It's been a long time that this has been happening and I don't know how to make it stop. If anyone has any advice on that or on how to trust people again I'd really like to hear. thanks.

How do you draw the line between cautiously skeptical and untrusting?

I wanted to see what everyone's views and experiences were when they stopped trusting and learned again within the context of a relationship. How did you overcome a loss in trust of people?

Well I have zero experience in online dating because I've never had a problem meeting men so I'm not quite as knowledgable as you and I made a mistake by giving him my phone number. You can find anything out about a person with just a phone number. This was not an online dating site so I wouldn't have expected him to ask me out at all.

I would consider myself lucky if I didn't have to live in fear every day that he will find me and do something to harm me. Anyone with the kind of depravity to pose as someone they are not could be the kind of person that would harm someone.

an update for anyone who was following this.... He was lying about who he was. He gave me some personal information and I did a quick internet search to see if I could trust what he was saying. Well the red flags that I was seeing were right. He is 16 years older than he said he was. I'm assuming everything else was a lie. I confronted him via email and he is trying to make me feel guilty for accusing him of lying....so I sent him what I found and asked him to please not harm me since all you need is a little bit of information to find out a lot about a person these days. The internet is a scary place. Don't trust anyone that you don't know and be careful. Thank you to everyone who responded, I have learned something new even if the situation wasn't optimal.

Oh no worries. At my age, I've been through enough breakups to fill this whole site. He told me yesterday that I was right, that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I'm ok with it. I kind of expected it, I have zero faith in men. Everyone I've ever dated has lied and/or cheated so nothing surprises me anymore and I get over it much more quickly than when I was your age.

Yeah, it's over.

You know, I think that might have been one of the best pieces of advice I've gotten. Thank you

I know it was an ideal created in my head but I've been through a lot over the past year. I forgot how hard it is starting on a new site. Everyone over there knew me and what I've gone through and I can't post about this. I found that site because I went through a terrible breakup with a Narcissist that left me for another woman. My love life since has been a mess. I don't believe that the men in my area are of decent values however I'm starting to believe that it's the same everywhere. On top of that I've had illness in my family. Just a lot to take in and I didn't really need this kind of stress and pain. I was kind of hoping he would save me from all of that which I know is wrong but I needed a break. I still think he's a great guy, he's just not open to a relationship. I guess I'm just venting but thanks for all of your support.

I feel heartbroken even though I never really knew him.

Yes I have, however I decided today that I will not persue this anymore. I'm going to cut contact with him. He's pulling away too much and sending me clear signs that I should not be waiting for him.

oh yeah, I'm completely capable of being on the phone I'm just not a big phone person. I have the emotional part of this down, I know about the fantasy vs reality thing. What I can't seem to figure out is the timing...who should do what and when. I have to wait for him to say to me lets chat on the phone, meanwhile my emotions continue to get more involved although I'm trying to hold back and I should be talking to him (and meeting) sooner rather than later. And how can I plan to meet him a few months down the road if I have to wait for him to suggest it? And how many months should one wait to do all of these things?

Sorry for the late response but I can't post at work. No, we haven't gone to the phone yet. I know I'm jumping ahead but I'm just trying to see what I will be in for.I'm very anxious about talking on the phone. I've never been a phone person. I can either write or be myself in person but I'm just not good at phone conversations. I can see him starting to hold me at arms length since he brought up the whole subject. I think that I'm more hopeful and interested than he is. We really enjoy talking to each other, both the funny parts and serious parts work well and we're both looking for the same things out of life right now. I don't know how to move things along without forcing it or pushing him too fast. My friends seem to think that I should wait for him to offer to call or meet and that I shouldn't bring up the subject. I don't know.

I live in NYC and he lives in the midwest. I had thought of possibly meeting somewhere. I think you had a good idea annie24, thanks sorry, still getting used to the format. how would you re-approach this subject? We both decided that it would be best to continue talking for a little while then when we got to the point that we felt we had to meet we would. Part of me thinks we should get it overwith so that we don't wast time and emotion and part of me thinks we should wait to see if it's worth it.