I have no faith in my own feelings

[Fisch]

Hi everyone,

about two months ago we had our last disagreement and i broke it off. We had a very deep relationship, and the fact that I met her when her father died created a situation with emotions that i wish so badly hadn't been there. In a lot of ways I just wanted to have less of the power in the relationship, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted because she needed me so badly. Its like it was so hard to admire her in that situation, I wanted someone stronger. When i broke up with her i did it thinking she would become stronger and happier for it, and she seems to have. I wasn't a horrible boyfriend or anything, there was just something about our relationship. Anyway, my problem now is that i cant stop thinking about her every day and night these months after. I am having the same problem as when we were together, i just dont know how i feel, I have no faith in my feelings. When i feel one way i dont believe it and there is usually another way i feel that is almost opposite. I keep hearing and believing in different things, if i really loved her i would know it, love takes time, love has infinite variables, if you love someone they are perfect, if you love someone you take them with their imperfections, people seem perfect to you when you love them including their imperfections. ETC i just find myself wondering if things could be different if we started over again, but at the same time i keep wondering about how bad it felt when she became insecure. I am completely and utterly torn I can't explain how unbelievably inbetween and accross the spectrum i am on this. One second i am ok the next second I want her in my arms. If i even so much as saw her with another guy right now i would be insanely unhappy. I keep having these horrible dreams of getting her back and everything is perfect waking up and realizing that it was a dream. Why can't i just believe in one feeling or another, why cant i dedicate to one feeling or another. I can see myself with other people, but i dont know if it will be the same, and i miss her and the way life was with her so much that i am in large amounts of pain. Although i know it can't happen i just want someone to step in and tell me what to do. It is annoying knowing too much about how these things works, because i feel like i all this knowledge just causes me to disblieve it, eventually realizing how relative and interperative everything is all these ideas are appearing to be non-real at some level. Thank you everyone, for listening and for you words. My luck in life is slowly draining recently and I appreciate it.

[AngelOfDarknes]

why did you brakeup in the first place? was it that big that u had to end it?

[heloladies21]

For you I would try talking to some other girls and see how it feels. If you talk to enough, you'll surely find someone who gives you exactly what you're looking for.

[Mamasita]

I think it sounds like u just think too much and do ur own head in. U cannot reverse the circumstances under which u met her, u cannot sit there and wish u had met her in a better light - what a waste of time and effort.

 

I think it sounds like SHE would be better off with someone else, how can u hold one of the most saddest and vulnerable periods of her life (and the mess she was at the time) against her because it effected the evolution of ur relationship with her?

 

its not THAT HARD to decide if u love someone as much as u want to love them. and holding weakness or insecurities against them during the darkest period of the life (HELLOO... HER FATHER DIED) is ridiculous. what do u love about her, is she wonderful in other ways, sweet, beautiful, caring, what? if u want to be productive in deciding the future of ur relationship think about why u love her and think she might be worth the effort... not what she did in the past to cause u to loose respect for her. lets face it, if u connected with her, knew her so well and loved her long BEFORE her father died, no amount of craziness she came up with during that time would have put u off.

 

sounds to me like u like making excuses for the confusion u create for urself. spare her ur dramas... sounds like she's had enough already.

 

xoxReese