Shyness_overwhelms Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 i am shaking right now. i have been shaking ever since last night. my girlfriend and i were going all good, until her ex called her. see, both of them are going on this france trip with a bunch of other people, and she is scared that she will do something that she will regret. something that would end up with me leaving her, she said this. see, she still loves him, but not like she loves me. your first love you will always have some love for. they stopped going out almost a year ago. this guy didnt say he loved her more than three times throughout their relationship. he would always leave and ditch her to play games, go play warhammer or whatever. once she and i start dating, boom... he is madly in love with her and starts saying all this stuff about how he loves her, he tells her the good memories and such, which in turn eventually makes her cry a little. he tells her to dump me. he said this one time on the computer when i was at her house and he knew it. i have a feeling that this guy will do something that will make her fall for him again. she says that she loves me more than anything, and yet she is scared she will do something. how can i tell anything? this is so confusing. we were talking last night on the net (which i dispise because you cant see eachothers faces to tell expression or anything) and i started to tell her how i think this guy acts. she tells me that none of that is true and that he would never do anything like that. then she gets really mad. she tells me to leave her alone. i dont know what i did to deserve her being so mad at me. why is this happening. please, could anyone shine some light on this situation? and i do not need any of the "shes not right for you, dump her and move on" or the "is she keeps this up, dump her..." or anything like those, because i hate those and i am not going to dump her over her being mad. i just wont do it. Link to comment
babycristy456 Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 You do not need to dump her but this girl is obviously still in love with her ex boyfriend. Let her know how you feel and that you want her to be completely over her ex, that was 1 yr ago. If she does not respond to your request, you should reflect if you want to be with someone who cannot get over their past bc she might hurt you later. See how she reacts after the trip, that is the only thing you can do. If she does something with her ex behind your back, then I think that should be the time you dump her. I know you do not want to hear about break ups bc you really like this girl, but something that works alot when the guy/girl is confused about a relationship is to take a break. A break is a little time for each of you to think about how your relationship is going and to go out with friends. Maybe she will realize how much she really loves you and she wants to be with you and will not socialize with her ex anymore if it conflicts with your relationship. Link to comment
Shyness_overwhelms Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 hmm... well... funny thing is... we tried taking a break, she wanted to for a bit.. but then the thought about it and told me tht she thinks its a bad idea and tht she cant stand not seeing or being with me... so ya... i dont know... Link to comment
babycristy456 Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 it really hard getting over your ex-boyfriend and first love., especially for an emotional person. You are just going to have to trust her. It might turn out for the better. If you really love this girl, prove to her that you are the better guy here. Sometimes relationships turn into a contest, "who can treat me better" "who loves me better" but at the end she will choose who she loves better. Unfortunately she is unsure of that herself so you will just have to let things happen. But you should not continue with her once she starts to hurt you in any way (cheating,lying etc.) Link to comment
Shyness_overwhelms Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 i dont know what to do... i am going to have to trust her... no other option.. i am not going on the trip nor do i want to... if she loves me enough.. she wont do anything... then i will know if we are meant to be together ... if she does something... i dont know... this guy will brag.. i know he will.. i am friends with pretty much everyone going on that trip.. and yeah.. i want people to look out for her, but at the same time dont crowd her and watch over her closely... seem like im a weird person.. seem like im clingy.... but ya... i dont know wht to do... Link to comment
babycristy456 Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Dont worry, I would be the same way if I was in that situation. I am an overprotective girlfriend and sometimes insecure. Well, if people are friends with you in that trip, you will find out if she did anything with him. Maybe you should go on the trip to...Why not? Make her ex jealous and scare him away. If you cannot go, then do not lose your confidence if anything happens. Let him brag, eventually the one that will be crying is your girlfriend for you. Trust me in one thing, if he is no good to her, then she will realize it. If she doesn't then she is not smart and you need a smart girl, not a dumb girl. Dont let anything get you down, there are many fish in the sea. Sounds corny, I know. But as a girl, who went out with a guy for 2 yrs. (my first love etc.), I learned there are many guys out there and it just gets better every time. Link to comment
Shyness_overwhelms Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 well thank you... theres a little light shining now... but ya.. i dont want to go on the trip becuase it would say that i dont trust her... i am going to wait.. i will see how things go.. thank you for your help Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Shyness, this is ridiculous. How little self respect do you have? Your girlfriend is even warning you that she *might* cheat on you with her ex and you are sitting here shivering and crying? My god man get a grip on yourself! For one, she will cheat. I am actually shocked that she even warned you that she might, but she did, and she will. Secondly, you look pathetic. I am not saying this to sit here and bully you, so don't think that. I am telling you this because you need to understand that you do not deserve this crap, and no good girlfriend would be putting you through this. You said she loves you? Bull. She does not know what love is and neither do you. To the both of you, love is simply attraction, but it is more than that. Love is also about respecting yourself and your partner. She has no respect for you nor your relationship. If she did, then cheating would not be a thought in her head much less something to be warning you about. If you had any significant amount of self respect then you wouldn't tolerate this either. Instead you are sitting here helpless and shivering because your girlfriend basically told you she is going to bang her ex on a trip that they are going on together, and there is nothing you can do about it. Her lies and lack of respect for you is disgusting, but what is even more disgusting is that you are making excuses for her and are allowing this to happen. If my girlfriend said this to me, you know what I would do? I would understand immediately that my girlfriend doesn't love me, because real love would not allow this to happen. Secondly, I would realize that I deserve someone who would love me in a way that would not allow a situation like this to even begin. Thirdly, I would not allow myself to linger in this situation, because I respect myself too much. I would tell my girlfriend, "If that is how you feel then pack your crap and get out." I wouldn't even allow her any time to give me some stupid excuse. She's gone. Yes, it would hurt because I loved that person... but I would understand that I only loved who I thought that person was. The person I thought I was dating wouldn't have even hinted at this. So what are you going to do? Are you going to continue to put yourself at the mercy of the situation, or are you going to take control? Your choice will really depend on how much you respect yourself. Link to comment
Shyness_overwhelms Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 ok.. first of all... you have no idea what you are talking about. lmao.. are you sure u read the posts? lol... its not as if she will try to cheat on me.. she is scraed that her ex will do something... and yes.. you are bullying... no offense.. but i suggest reading before explaining Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 see, both of them are going on this france trip with a bunch of other people, and she is scared that she will do something that she will regret. something that would end up with me leaving her, she said this. see, she still loves him, but not like she loves me. your first love you will always have some love for. Shyness, give me a break man. I didn't misread your first message, you said it right there in the quoted message. If she is telling you what you just said she told you, then she is going to cheat on you. Quit making up excuses for her and thinking that I am saying this to be mean. I am saying this because I am trying to help. Helping someone isn't always telling them what they want to hear, but it also is telling them what they don't want to hear. If you only want advice that will coincide with what you are hoping to hear, then don't go asking for help from people who are honest. Link to comment
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