Dark thoughts.

[billuser]

Hello. First post.

 

First of all, forgive me for my English.

 

I am 27, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl. I am fat and maybe this is the reason. I cannot loose weight, I tried it several times with no result.

 

All these years I am not happy and I want to take this thing of my mind, I wish I could say that I don't need a girl but that is not true.

 

All of my friends ware at least once involved in a relationship.

 

The problem with me is this : when I don't have hope, I am OK. I don't really mind not having a girl, but if I see a girl that I think she shows interest in me, then I kind of fall in love (it is really easy for people like me to fall in love, if you need it, it is the easiest thing).

 

But of course, these girls are simply nice, they are not interested in me, they are just nice with me, and this is the problem...

 

Hope, you see, is a very bad thing, it can make you feel good, have nice thoughs about you and, why not, starting to fantasize that you just might get in a relationship with a girl (!!!)...

 

If my level of happiness is in A all the time, then, by getting hope, it goes from A to B ( B > A ). This transition is fine, it is more than fine, it is GOOD, but when I realize that the girl does not like me, then I go back, from B to A, and this hurts... A LOT.

 

You see, it is not the level that you are that counts, it is the fall... The falling edge ( from B to A ).

 

There is this girl in my previous job, she is 23 and she is a super nice person, she was teasing me, squeezing my (big) belly and doing stuff like that. Once she said : "look at this face, look how cute he is" ( to another person ) and on my last day on my previous job she pinched my cheek and said : "oooohhh.. look at this faceeee... he is so sweet, like a pouf" (This big round pillow, again to another person).

 

I TOTALLY LOST MY MIND... That day I didn't manage to write one simple line of code ( I am a programmer ). I was fantasizing that maybe I will see how good it will be to kiss a girl, hung out with one, see this smile on her face when she has a date with you, play with her hair and things like that.

 

And then came the fall. She is doing these kind of stuff in all of my co-workers, I just didn't notice that before. And when I noticed, I experienced the fall... once again.

 

Problem: I am in LOOOVEEE... I must get over it.

 

Thanks and sorry if I made myself mortal.

[babycristy456]

well, I doubt you might be in love. You are not even in a relationship with her. She just got you hooked on her by the way she acts with you (and everyone else).

 

If you think you really do like her and are thinking about her alot, then maybe you should start taking care of yourself first. Try some healthy ways to lose weight. Healthy diet, exercise, etc. she will probably start to notice the changes. I even think that if you concentrate on bettering yourself, you will automatically feel happy without the girl, bc youll feel accomplished.

 

After you reach your goal with yourself, try to reach her as a goal by maybe inviting her to dinner or something nice like that. Remember girls do not like guys tha pity themelves, they like self confidence and honesty.

 

Well good luck!

[cinderelly]

first off, yor overweight so what. as long as your not unhealthy. people don't fall in love because of someone looks. IMO you fall in love because you like the person for who they are not because of the way they look.

 

if you are a nice person and treat girls well, be damn proud because most guys aren't nice to girls. you will be surprised lots of girls are looking for a nice guy.

[billuser]

Well...

 

I don't know what is a "nice guy". How can a girl finds out if I am a nice guy or not? I am allways polite, not only with girls but with everyone, I smile a lot, I help people every time I can, not because I want to be a good guy, but because I feel like it, and you know something, in my 27 years, it has never helped me finding a girl.

 

As I said, I don't know if I am a nice guy, but if I am, then these girls are not looking for that.

 

I think that babycristy456 is correct, if I want someone I must change in a way so that I can "sell" myself, so, if I am the same person inside, and by changing my looks helps me find a girl, then, as a result, only looks are importand, so, who cares if I am a nice guy or not?

 

I just don't want to be alone anymore.

 

Thanks for your answers.

[jna35]

You shouldn't have to change the way you look for someone to love you. A "nice guy" is respectful, considerate, senstive to the feelings of others, etc. I think the majority of people would prefer to be with someone like that. If they prefer people who are going to treat them like garbage then they have some issues with low self esteem. It sounds like maybe you are not comfortable in your own skin, so I say in order to attract people you have to be confident in yourself, at least to some degree. How do you feel about yourself- honestly? If you want to lose weight or change your image because it will make you feel good then by all means do it. But if you are only doing it in hopes of pleasing someone else, then more than likely nothing will change. Be true to who you are. I hope you can become happy with who you are and all you have to offer people.

[billuser]

I don't have a problem with the way I look, I don't look in the mirror feeling sorry for myselft if that's what you mean. I know I could look better but I don't mind that.

 

The problem is that girls don't like me.

 

I just wish I could believe in god, then things would be easier.

 

Thanks.

[JC2006]

Girls like you; you described one who likes you. Your problem is that girls don't fall in love with you.

 

Getting in better physical shape will make it easier to get girls to be attracted to you, but you don't have to. It just makes finding a girl to fall in love with you more difficult, because generally speaking, men and women judge each other by their looks. Women are less prone to do this than men, but they still do it.

 

I'm sure if you thought about it hard enough, you'd find or remember someone who seemed romantically interested in you. Maybe you weren't interested in them and decided to ignore them for whatever reason.