Parents are too protective...won't give him a chance.

[JynX]

I need some help on this one. I'm 16 and the guy I like, Steven, is 18. We met a little while ago, and I'd like to get to know him more. Problem: my parents right away are saying he's too old for me. As of right now they're not willing to even give him a chance. My Mom's reason for saying that is because she thinks that all I want is to have sex. It's the opposite with my Dad, he says Steven only wants sex from me.

 

I understand they're trying to look out for my best interests, but they're being a little unreasonable. I'm a straight A student in school, I'm responsible, I dont sneak out or do any of those usual teenage things. Ive been told by many adults that I have a good head on my shoulders. So you'd think my parents would trust me?

 

Their reason for saying no about Steven is very contradictory. I was in a relationship for 13 months with a guy about the same age as him, and if I really wanted sex as bad as my Mother seems to think I do, wouldnt you think that I'd have done it alraedy? I've had plenty of opportunities, but I said no, because I think I'm too young. I've explained this to my Mom, but she doesnt seem to hear a word I say.

 

I guess I should mention that when I first brought my ex around to them, they said he was too old also, but after a while, they seemed to cave in.

 

Is there any way I can convince them to atleast give Steven a chance? I was thinking maybe invite him over for dinner one night and let them talk, but I doubt my parents would even agree to that at this point. Do you guys have any ideas?

[smallworld]

Jynx, I grew up with parents very similar to yours and I'm impressed by your maturity and your desire to live by their rules when it'd be so much easier to "hide" him.

 

Is there one parent you're closer to? I'd talk to him/her first and explain just what you've said here. Be prepared to answer any questions that they may have and to offer suggestions for things you can do to reassure them that you will not be engaging in sexual behavior. Tell them why Stephen means so much to you and why you'd like them to meet him. Ask them to give him a chance to prove to them that his interest in you is genuine.

 

If you speak to them with the same respect and maturity you've displayed here, I think they'd find it hard not to give him a chance. When the time comes be sure that Stephen knows how important his first meeting with your folks really is and that he fully understands why your parents are so reluctant. Good luck!

[Amannamederic]

they are looking at the age 18 and thats about it...recently had a problem with this myself, sorta a slap in the face that im getting old.

 

I know this sophomore v-ball player, we started talking and really like each other, her dad loves me and thinks im responsible because im a football player with goals and a plan yadda yadda yadda...her mother on the other hand found out how old i was, freaked, and won't let her 16 yr. old daughter date me. I had a major problem with that until i figured out that she's probably right, im an adult, it isn't legal for us to do anything, thereforeeee i just can't be looking at younger girls anymore, its so weird, 2 months ago this wouldn't have been a problem but now...wow...all i can think of when thinking of a younger girl is getting caught kissing and goin to jail lol.

 

I doubt anything you say will change your parent's minds, i already tried it, and i already had one on my side lol.

[jna35]

As a mom myself, it's hard for us not to worry, but they sound like they may be a bit overprotective, just remember that they love you and have your best interest at heart. That said, you sound like you have given your parents no reason not to trust you. I admire the respect you have for them and your maturity as well. Would they mind if you saw him with a group of people? Sometimes that helps to relieve some of the fears since you wouldn't technically be alone with him. Then once they got used to that idea perhaps they would allow you out on a double date and then finally solo. Good luck!

[TweaK]

A 2 year diff isnt the end of the world ..ur parents are to overprotective. Although by law u are a minor and he is an adult. If it were say 14 and 16 it be fine.

[JynX]

I talked do my Dad tonight, since he's the more reasonable of the two. He listened to my point of view, and we talked about it in more details than we had the night before. I explained to him all that I've said in my post on here, and he understood me pretty well. Either way he says right now he feels that he isnt comfortable with me dating Steven, seeing how he's a freshman in college. He's atleast willing to get to know him over time, and hopefully have no problem with the age difference by summer. I didn't get much accomplished, but I atleast got him to keep Steven in concideration, unlike the firm 'no' I had to work with earlier.

 

Now I need to get Mom to understand me, which will be a tad more difficult, seeing how she isnt the easiest person to talk to. She's as stubborn as a brick wall sometimes, and it's not easy to get around that...

 

Thanks for the replies everyone, they helped. All in all, I find this site very helpful, so thank you everyone!

[ComputerGuy]

Maybe get your Dad to talk to your Mum - by the sounds of things your Dad may understand where you are coming from and be sympathetic to your cause.