What can I do but wait?

[friendly_fairy]

Hey,

 

I'm new to this forum and honestly glad to be here.

 

 

I'm currently in a complicated and quite unusual relationship.

It's a pretty long story and I'm trying to make it short.

 

Last March I broke up with my boyfriend over a trust issue in a very uncommon situation.

After I had moved away, however we made up again (all online) and he even talked about commitment - but now we have trust issues, again.

I will have to move again, soon, to a place even further away (halfway around the globe, that is), but even now that we are not so far away from each other, yet, things are getting weird.

We have just been through another strange situation together and I doubted his credibility once again. I am ready to make a promise to always trust him in future, no matter the situation, but during our last messenger conversation, he got angry and seems to have stopped talking to me though he said he would talk to me soon. He also seems to suspect my parents to talk to his boss behind his back, since my mother and his boss are very good friends and my mother hasn't always trusted him either. I explained to him that she has never done and would never do that, but he doesn't believe me.

 

Now, within the past week, I have made the mistake of sending an e-mail, calling him once, and, after he wouldn't talk to me, leaving a message on his messenger display, then logging off quickly.

I do not really believe in the Rules, but they sometimes prove to be true. I'm afraid he is never going to talk to me again. What can I do but wait?

[beanpaper]

You can always move on with your life and trust a new, improved relationship awaits you in the future.

[SeaBisquit]

i think you need to ask yourself if this guy is really the one for you. if so, you need to explain to him in detail the reason for the move. you two seem to be drifting farther apart.

 

trust is a big aspect of a relationship, without trust you have nothing. that is something for you to consider in the future because I think you will continue to have many problems in this relationship.

[friendly_fairy]

Thank you for your replies!

 

He knows the reasons for my move and there is no problem with it.

I know exactly what to tell him, but I don't know when I can talk to him again. He always choses to be invisible to everyone when on messenger, so I never know when he's online. That's why I always wait for him to write me as soon as I'm online - and he usually does so immediately. I was online, yesterday, however (three days after our last conversation since he said he needed time to 'cool down') but he didn't seem to be there. So far he has always done things for me, has always been there.

This is why I feel so insecure now that he's not.

I have no idea how long I should wait, now, until I go online again. I can't be there every night and I have a feeling I'm making a fool of myself, if I haven't already...

 

I told him to leave a message on my account, so there shouldn't be a problem, I guess. I know all of this sounds like a little, unimportant problem, but I certainly hope he is not losing his faith in me.

 

I will certainly consider your kind words, beanpaper.

They have helped me a bit already.

[redandblack]

Trust is a huge deal in relationships.

 

If you feel that you cannot trust him, you know what to do. By telling you he will call you and then hiding from you and avoiding you, he is acting very childish. I think you should just stop going after him, because it seems like that is what he wants.

 

As far as the trust goes, I have found one thing to work for me. Lay out some ground rules as for what is 'okay' and what is not. My girlfriend and I agreed to: no hanging out one on one with members of the other sex (without telling the other at least), no cheating (duh) and basically just communicate openly. As long as the "rules" are kept, there should NEVER be a problem with trust. If I find out otherwise, I know what I will do. Of course, the rules will change with a couple's personal preferences, limits, etc but I think it is important to just state what is acceptable and what is not.

 

Hope this helps.

[friendly_fairy]

Thank you, redandblack

 

It's good to hear a guy's opinion on that issue. See, for most of the time, he thinks I trust him much less than I actually do. So it's up to me to convince him and I think this could be easily achieved by making a simple promise.

 

And of course I'd like to tell him my solution to the problem right away, but I guess you're right about not going after him being a good idea.

 

I'll just wait until he writes me an e-mail, leaves a message, or calls.

 

Now I left a simple note on messenger saying I wanted to set things right and ending with 'just leave a message' last Friday.

Can that be counted as 'going after him', too? Just curious...

[friendly_fairy]

Wonder what SuperDave 71 would say about that...

 

That guy seems to have a great reputation on this forum.