Potential downside of NC strategy - possible?

[Photo55]

So you do NC and it works and the dumper says they want to get back.

 

You have worked on healing yourself during NC so obviously, you want it to be different and to be more positive. You tell them this.

 

The dumper says they can't make those changes.

 

You are forced to say no go then and end it.

 

The dumper gets what they want but has made you do it for them and feel good about it too.

 

What do you all think? This just hit me today.

[kellbell]

I am not sure if I follow your post but you don't use NC to get anyone back or to play games. It's strictly a technique to use to heal and move on from a break-up.

[FebruaryGirl]

Sometimes it's easier to make the dumpee look like the bad guy, than for the dumper to actually admit they are wrong for the relationship not working out. This is a very weak thing to do, and very unfair. If the dumper says they aren't willing to work on things or make changes then what good would getting back together be anyway?

 

I am not sure exactly what your question was...but this is my take on it.

[NotMyself]

The dumper gets what they want but has made you do it for them and feel good about it too.

 

I'm confused by this statement. What is it the dumper wanted? Wasn't it to dump you? When someone dumps someone, I don't think they want the person to go away, better themselves and then come back... I don't think this was in the plan. As a matter of fact, some dumpers will never take you back. It all depends on the situation I feel.

 

If you've done NC and have become a better person, then you have accomplished what you set out to do. NC doesn't always bring the ex back, but it does give you time to work on yourself and get a perspective on things.

[Photo55]

Just wondering if it could be a strategy used by the dumper to offload the guilt of a breakup.

 

As for NC being a strategy to win someone back then I would say that that is how it is viewed generally..if it wasn't, why make it any different to just moving on by giving it a name - I mean, if you were just moving on and didn't want to get back, what need would you have for contact anyway.

[katie_emma]

As for NC being a strategy to win someone back then I would say that that is how it is viewed generally..if it wasn't, why make it any different to just moving on by giving it a name - I mean, if you were just moving on and didn't want to get back, what need would you have for contact anyway.

 

Some people do have the need for contact when breaking up with someone. It's not easy to just let go if you've been with the person for a long time, even if it is the right thing to do! ... With my ex, I had a hard time letting go.... so I made myself not talk to him, about him...anything like that. To help me move on. Not to get him back! That's the point of NC

[DecemberGal]

I have always maintained that the purpose of NC is two-fold depending on the situation. I think NC is about healing and moving on, but also leaving the door open for a potentional reconciliation if possible, by not bothering the other person and showing them that you are getting on with your life. That way, if they don't want you back, you've already begun your healing process, and by the same token if they do, you've been working on bettering yourself. Let's face it, depending on the situation, even if someone is exercising NC to get over the person, there's always that chance that they want them back too. at least that's my take on it.