Advice request about reviving marriages

[NewlywedinMD]

Hi,

 

This is my first posting in this forum. Might be a little unusual because I am the husband. I had dated my wife for close to 6 years. We have lived together for nearly all that time. We have never dated anyone in that time.

 

Just recently she told me she is not sure this is going ot work. It has been 3 months. I love her with all my heart. I understand that things have been taken for granted. I don't tell her how I feel all the time. Mainly because I woudl show it or thought I was.

 

Anyway, I can barely sleep, eat is near out of the question. We are starting counseling next week. I can't see myself without her ever. We talk all the time. In fact she says we act more like best friends then husband and wife. We haven't been intimate in a few week.

 

I don't understand why this is happening. After reading this, I have a little more of an idea. The thing is, we planned teh wedding ourselves and paid for it ourselves.

 

Hate to ramble here, but would love any help. please email me or post it here.

 

Scared husband

[SwingFox]

Hello NewlywedinMD,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that your marriage is in a down period at the moment. I understand, that you are seeking professional help, though, which I find brave of BOTH of you. Keep up with that

 

I would like to explain that love and marriage is a dynamic thing. My parents have been married for over 30 years. I don't think they still love each other the way they did over 30 years ago. Marriages, relationships and love needs to be worked on all the time.

 

You already made a few GREAT suggestions yourself. Try a few new things and listen to what your wife needs in a marriage with you. I hope that this will help you going through this process and I wish you good luck

 

~ SwingFox ~

[segagirl]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation. First, can you maybe clarify how long you have been married? Is it three months or three months since she told you? Thanks.

And yes, I am quite happy you are seeking outside assistance. When you go, be prepared to hear it all! It is a place where emotions and feelings are brought to the table. Be willing to listen without judgment, and be willing to say you are sorry if she is sad about something. If you are just three months into the marriage, I am thinking that yes something to do with the wedding process and the strain of actually marrying is the culprit.

In the meantime, be sure to do the "work at home" ..therapy will give you the tools to communicate openly, but you have to continue to do that at home once you leave session. So get a jump start, be happy to share her company and tell her so, thank her when she deserves it... don't worry about the sex, women tend to "not be in the mood" when our emotions are off....once she begins to release her concerns , and you really "hear" her you will back on you're way to bliss.

Keep us informed, and if you need anything more...please let us know.

[NewlywedinMD]

Thanks for the feedback.. We have been married exactly 3 months. We are supposed to go to "counseling" on Tuesday. I love this women more then anyone else in the world. We have been together for 6 years, of which we lived together. We moved in as friends but things grew.

 

Sometimes I feel like she is playing me like second fiddle to anyone but me. She says there is no passion, yet I am the only one who tries anything. She craves attention, and I love her for that, because I hate attention.

 

Since I don;t know you all, I feel I can say this bluntly. I sometimes feel she is blaming me for things that are not my fault. Is this comman with women? I mean she has no hobies, and makes excuses on why. I, on the other hand am going to grad school, have many hobbies...

 

Please help. I love her and am not willing to give up

[segagirl]

Hi there, would like to hear how it is going, and if you made it to counseling?

And women do not do that in general...but yes, it can happen

[Kerrikaye]

I am on the oposite side of things so maybe we can help each other. I have a husband who says he is not getting enough intimacy so if things don't change he can't stay married. He feels as if we are just roomates.I have told him and starting showing him again what inimacy is. I also felt I was missing out on it but couldn't say anything to him because of fear that I was to needy. Now he says he is willing to try but can't promise the way he will feel. He states that he is fearful that things will be good for awhile and than will change back to the old ways. All along he would say he felt neglected, or couldn't understand why I didn't want to cuddle, and our sex life was non-existant and I think it is because I felt because he wasn't giving me intimacy why should I give it to him. It was just a mixup on both of our parts. His big thing is he says he cares for me but can't say he loves me now. Why is this, does not showing intimacy totally make that go away, or is he just mad? He says he doesn't want me to leave now that he cares about me. Which is a good sign at least.

 

Any advice would be helpful. I figure since you are going thru the same situation you could give me input and I could give you some.