my parents say this is wrong...tell me if they are right?

[Amannamederic]

Hey guys,

 

I have an issue. Recently, a girl i had a quite sketchy past with but have since become friends told me she would help me get a job with her at her work. The boss called, said i was a friend of hers...and my parents flipped. It was the girl who made me first come to this forum lol sorta weird i suppose.

 

Anyway, at the time, we were 14-15 years old. I overreacted to her making fun of me and said some not so nice things about her, I was throwing up the things she said hurt me so bad so at the time i thought i was justified. Of course, now i realize i wasn't. Anyway, her mother threatened me with a restraining order if i ever talked to her again she was so hurt. That was 3-4 years ago, we have long since apologized to each other about it. Gotten along, seen each other a few times, talk alot, get along just fine. My parents for some reason though, will not accept the fact that her and i have gotten past all of that.

 

To them, she will always be ready and waiting to fire that restraining order on me or do something to ruin my life. Normally this wouldn't have bothered me or whatever, except recently she told me she would like to have sex with me out of curiosity. When we had actually dated, we always talked about it but we never did because of various reasons. I was excited at the chance and we almost did tonight...but thankfully didn't. After the hormones died down this has me wondering. Are they right about taking a job and being in more frequent contact with her? That it is DEAD wrong and i shouldn't be anywhere near it?

 

The sex is looking like a worse and worse idea too...but i already said i was excited at the chance, and i mean i want to so damn badly its amazing, (to me, shes the "one that got away" the girl every guy pines after in his life, that one girl who left him high and dry) the chance to be with her, even if it isn't for the same reasons...is just so tempting. Is that wrong too?

 

Bah, someone help me please! I don't know which side of myself to listen to here...

 

-Eric

[melrich]

I do think your parents need to get some perspective around this. Is there any other reason they think she may be a bad influence on you other than what happened 3 years ago?

[Amannamederic]

no not at all, they didn't even know i had spoken to her since the whole accident went down. I told them that i was 18 years old and that they needed to start letting me go (they still insist on a 12-1230 curfew)

 

I said that who i see and don't see is none of their business, to which they replied, if you want to lose everything you've worked for, ruin your life, have a criminal record...you'll see this girl.

 

Trying to scare me out of it?

[melrich]

lose everything you've worked for, ruin your life, have a criminal record...you'll see this girl.

 

If there is really nothing more to it than what you have said (and i have no reason to doubt you especially as this girl is helping you get a job) then I think they are way over-reacting. I would talk to them about it but be very calm and sensible. Ask them to rationalise their responses. Don't get emotional. Do most of the listening.

 

Re. the curfew et al....unfortunately living under someone elses roof gives them certain rights. Again I am not saying I agree with their curfew but it is not way out of bounds unreasonable and it is their house.

[Amannamederic]

well it started as the job, but then she asked to have sex...ill admit...sometimes i do wonder if shes quite all there, she is with this guy, hes extremely jealous, she cheated once and sort of told him (she said they kissed) out of jealousy.

 

Without thinking i was like yeah sure of course, id love to, now im thinking that isn't such a good idea, my parents already said i would not be working there...can't help it i guess...but how do i go out and tell her i don't want to without offending her?

[melrich]

Well you just tell her but tell her the reason is time or something like that...don't say you don't want the job because of her...it may be the truth but it does not need to be said.

 

As for your parents reaction...do they know about the whole "sex" thing? If not then they are still being unreasonable in my mind but it is up to you whether you want to make a stand on it.

[Amannamederic]

meh, i sucked it up and did the hard thing, i just texted her and told her that i remembered the one time she cheated on her boyfriend, how guilty and crappy that made her feel, how she had to face and lie to him to save face and that even though he was nowhere near perfect, that he seemed to care about her and treat her well, so i didn't want to be a reason that might end.

 

then just said that having her around and talking to me meant alot more to me than her body, that i didn't want to make her feel all of those feelings again, or have to face him again. That it was really really hard to say no but it was the best thing for the both of us, and that even though it sounds corny, having her around meant too much to me to it up again and not talk to her for months...

 

did i do ok? or go too far?

[melrich]

It's a good note. She may be a bit miffed about it to start but once she has time to reflect she will respect you for it.

[Amannamederic]

alright, heres hoping she doesn't get pissed, thanks for your help mel