Same old breakup?

[dazn]

Yes my girlfriend for the past 6 years decided it was time to go on her own. Heres the beginning of a very long story...We first met when I was 19 and she was 16. Things immediately clicked even though the age gap seemed at the time to be a big gap. I did romantic things for her and well she has always been true to me. She was in an inter-racial relationship, it didnt seem to bother neither or us...or so we thought. After being together for about two years most of my friends began moving away as did her friends. We grew even closer together. Before you knew it we even had the same job over the summer working side by side in an electronic manufacturing plant on a graveyard shift. Romantic huh. Anyways about that time she starting moving in with me. There was never anytalk about it but it was the situations where "Hey since I'm always over and never go home, I'll start bringing my stuff over,"

That was no big deal to me. The place was still my own, I paid all the bills, rent, and food. Well a year later we decided to find a place together to move into. We decided to adopt some pets as well. her father had a vacancy in one of his rental homes so we moved right in. 3 years and 4 pets later, it seems like everything has crumbled down. Our time together starting getting shorter and drier. She began a new job about 3 months ago at a restaurant as a waitress. There she has met some new people, some who I have encounted in the past, who are basically her new best friends. Three weeks ago after coming home drunk from the bar she told me that she believed we had the most perfect relationship. I was understanding that at her age, she had not had much alone time to do things on her own. i used to worry of what would happen if I werent around how she would go on. Now I know the role has been reversed. It seems I took our time together for granted, not letting her know how much I care. I have never cheated on her, let alone flirt with any girls around her cuz she would of let me had it. But anyways there are a lot of x-factors that play into this relationship. I had a nice talk with her mother who said she symphathized with what is goin on. My girlfriend hasnt slept at home for the past two weeks. She just comes to change and take a shower then go to work. i finally got her to talk to me yesterday and it seems our relationship is beginning a new chapter. I talked to her how hard it was to find a new place considering I just lost one of my jobs and money is kinda tight right now. And all the things we have built together over the years and our pets even....but she doesnt seem to show nothing much but just a neutral attitude. I am now 25 and she is 21. This fall will be both our last years of school. I did my share of messin around before I met her but I was waiting to meet someone like her so I could kinda settle down. She had never had the experience of staying out all night and all the juicygirl-talk rumors. Since I have more time on my hands now, i realized that I have to enjoy more of life. And she wont give me the time of day now so I just try to keep it together. Yes I have had many sleepless nights and long days. I set my mp3 player on to the love songs categories and listened my way to sleep. Seemed like every song was written about my exgirlfriend. It feels kinda weird to call her my ex, even though we kinda do live together still and I do still cling on to a little bit of hope that our love we rekindle itself through time. This website and all the people that shared their experiences have really helped guided a path of possibilities. Who knows what the future holds but I believe fate will lead you to your eternal love and happiness. Hope I didnt bore any of you to death, please add questions or comments, because I am ready to share.

[Knctrnl22]

I have been in a similar situation along with a lot of other people and I am impressed on your good attitude about this I wish I had one like you do.

 

Keep up the good work, communication is key

[Heretic]

Hey dazn,

 

I'm glad you're finding this site helpful. I hope I can help you with your problem.

 

Let's start off with the fact you've been together since a young age. Everyone know people need to "sow their wild oats" before they can settle down and it's possible that she hasn't yet.

 

You called her your ex but I don't recall you saying you broke up. Have you formally broken up?

 

You seem to be going through some rough times with you job and your gf which can lead to depression, you should watch out for that. It can really cause you a lot of grief and can be tough to get out of without help.

 

I suggest you talk to your ex about going out sometime to dinner and a movie. Tell her that you miss the time you spend together and would like to have a chance to relax and enjoy her company. It doesn't need to be soon but just to see if she can make time for you.

 

If she does go out with you to dinner talk about her life (generally never probe) and yours, ask her if there's anything you can do help but leave it alone if she says no. Enjoy your time together and make very subtle moves if the feeling is right.

 

There's a good chance that things might not work out all things considered, but there is a chance this is just something she needs to do.

 

Good luck and I hope I've helped you in some way.

[dazn]

No we have not formally broken up with words but I do feel it is just around the corner. I guess I have her parents supporting me telling me that she just needs to be girl and she has never had the time to be one. There is one good thing that has arrive out of this. I have quit smoking. Kinda ironic how I have been with this girl for as long as I have been smoking. Not being able to have a cigarette helps forget a little bit about the situation but those damn cravings can be quite a challenge. It seems I might end up pretty healthy after everything is said and done.

[Guest]

I am in the EXACT same situation as you. My girl officially broke it off and now I have to move out. She JUST turned 21 yesterday, what is it with that age? My advise is move to KY and we can hang out and drink some beer and drown in our sorrows. No really, the best thing you can do is let her go and do her thing. I actually did the same thing to her when I was 20, and it only took me a week to realize (and they say girls are more mature...ha!) Anyways, keep yourself busy, and no matter what (even though its prob too late like in my case) DONT LET HER SEE THAT IT BOTHERS YOU. I can't stress that enough, if she sees it bothers you, then she wins. I've cried and cried for three days now (not today YET) and its sickening to think that she can be so callous and uncaring about it. But the best thing you can do is let her find out that after 6 yrs(5 in my case) that the part of her that wants to party and go out and "experience new things" is not the true part of her. She wouldnt have spent 6 yrs with you if she wasn't a commited girl. My feeling is both of them will come back to us, in time. And if not, hell we are better off anyhow....just a matter of time before we feel that way. Good luck, be strong, and call some old friends to support ya. If ya need anything just yell. Good luck bro, hope it all works out

[Heretic]

I'm glad it helped you quit smoking That's the first time I've heard that to tell you the truth. Most people startup or smoke more.

 

You really need to push the fact you need some "us" time. Don't force her to cancel plans or anything like that, just let her know it would be nice to get out with her and spend some time with her.

 

Another way you could approach it is asking her if you could join her friends sometime or maybe invite them back to the house for a get together.

 

Whatever it takes try to get her back in your life without taking away any of her freedoms. If she doesn't want you to meet her friends don't worry that's not a sign of anything, give it time and show interest.

 

I hope this helps and good luck.