Survey....

[starrrr]

What do you guys do to vent when mad at ur significant other? How do you blow off the steam?

 

Sometimes i want to go on and on when my BF and I are on an argument, but i realize he gets restless...cuz he's restless, he gets out of tune with the conversation, and my attempts of communicating are in vain....i just want him to understand, but he just wants me to just drop it.

 

What is the best way to get things through you males? What is the best way to explain things to where you guys will listen and actually try to understand?

 

 

My situation is that my BF smokes.....weed. He's best friends do it all the time...i know he wants to get away from it all, but he makes it seem he's stuck. The fact he smokes wouldn't bother me as much if he had some goals...he's not goin to school and is only working part time. I don't know how to talk to him because he gets so defensive...I understand he doesn't quite have the $$ and feels he's too behind with school....and i know, people tell me to drop him cuz i can do better....but he says he does want to go back to school, to do something with his life....(he comes from family that didn't grad from college, older sis n parents didn't go to college, etc..)

 

But i love him for him, for who he is, he's a good person but in a bad situation....i know this weed thing is not him and jus does it to get things off his mind, to get away...he does try to keep quiting, and atleast cuts down on it and not do it everyday......

 

I also hope that me being in his life will give him motivation and drive to do better...I am currently going to school myself. And i realize the motivation has to come from within himself.....but it gets really frustrating sometimes...how can i help him out without coming out like nagging at him and soundin like his mother?

 

I realize "oh if he really wanted to he can do what he sets his mind to.." I always believed that too...but its not as easy as it sounds, esp. after talking to him..

 

what can i do to continue to steer him to the right direction?

 

any wise words would be greatly appreciated..

[Glorie]

Of course he *can* quit; he just chooses not to. You've got to think long term: do you want to rely on a pothead to help you to pay bills one day? To make major decisions with you? To raise kids with you? To be your confidante?

 

This guy will drag you down, fast.Think of your own dreams that you have for yourself, and how a partner who gets high will hold you back. Ultimately you need a man, not a boy. I would tell him you care for him but can't commit to him until he straightens himself out - gets off drugs, and gets a job or goes back to school. And yeah, yeah, I know there are pot users out there who can "handle" it and are contributing members of society, blah blah, but you have said that it bothers you. And if it does bother you, you shouldn't have to "get used to it" or spend your time babysitting this guy and his dopey best friend. You can do better for yourself, and owe it to yourself not to settle.

 

[Glorie]

Sorry, I have no idea how this reply ended up here! It was meant to go somehere else.

[busterkeaton]

Ah yes, the pot smoker - it doesn't have to be a bad thing but unfortunately it often is. It is an escape - an escape from elements of one's life that need dealing with. Brings to mind a great quote from a Tarantino movie - "Jackie Brown", one of the characters was a "chronic" pot smoker. She gets criticized by another character:

 

"you shouldn't smoke pot so much, it ruins your ambition" he says

"not if your ambition is to smoke pot it doesn't" she replies

 

Perhaps encourage him to only smoke it on the weekends. If he is only working p/t then it kinda sounds like maybe he has too much time on his hands. You love him so you have got to make him see that he needs to get his s*** together. He's young but dangerous patterns are formed at that age.