What am i lacking?

[Kazami]

Hi.

I´m a 20-something female who is alone (romantically speaking) for more than 20 years. One of my explanations is that I´m too normal, and never get any attention from other people. I´m nor ugly nor very pretty, prefer to dress normal but elegantly (dislike clothes that are too showy or sexy), I´m shy and reserved, especially with strangers. I´m the kind of woman that nobody pays attention to when walking on the street. I have difficulties interacting with people, I never know what to say.

Nobody has ever been interested in me, and I feel incomplete and "crippled". I know that being desired shouldn´t be the goal of a life, but feeling it at least once ina a while might make me feel good as it does to everyone.

I´m conscious that I need to change in order to have a decent heathy love life, but I´m having a hard time as this has been my personality for a long time.

I´ve read lots of articles on how to be more attractive, have put into practise some of the things ("smile as if you´re having a great time", "look into other people´s eyes" , flirt, "inspire confidence"), but I always feel like an artificial idiot, like I´m faking everything. I´m definetely not a bombshell or a big flirt.

What should I do? Deny myself completely because being the way I am is not working at all? Pretend I´m someone else?

Thanks in advance.

[Marinicaj]

Don't feel bad and don't under estimate yourself.. I think that you have a low self esteem.. try to change that.. Try joining a gym or something where you can meet people.. If you have a good personallity Im sure you'll be fine

Nina

[Goofy7878]

Sweetie,

 

First of all, you describe yourself as fairly common, from what i just read it appears you are quite uncommon. Do you know how wonderful it will be one day, when you meet the man of your dreams, and you can tell him "i've been waiting for you, i knew you were out there, and since the day I realized we would meet someday, i wanted you and no one else." Being a guy who's been in more than my fair share of relationships, it would be the most wonderful sound i've ever heard. Most men, if they want to meet a young lady, have to sift through hookered up drunk bimbos at bars, or clubs. You, are the opposite. If you are concerned that nobody has been interested in you(which i find hard to believe) then work on your shyness, don't change the way you dress, or your habits or the way you live, nobodys worth that. Try this, in the process of your day tomorrow, everytime you see a guy you think is attractive, walk by him, give a big beautiful smile, make eye contact and say hi, then keep walking, it's not a guarantee that the will follow, but i think you will find, they say hi back, and are almost shaken(nervous) that you would say hi to them....................trust me sweetie, most people are as unsure about relationships, and meeting people as you are. Just smile, and know for sure, that the person you are right now, is perfect and someone will be lucky enough to see it..................if their lucky.

 

 

love, Goofy

[berzerk]

Hey,

 

I'm not sure if this will help you at all but, search for whatever it is you like or like to do in your commmunity. Because its more than likely there are locals just like you who have the same interests. For example, at school, i got into acting. Since i was around people who liked acting, it was easy to talk to them just because we share the same interests. So looking for local events you might like may be a good start to feel better about yourself.

[Msnak]

Goofy78--sounds like a wise, observant man. He makes a valid point in the idea that you don't need to change who you are to attract someone. Wouldn't that just draw the wrong person?

 

Right now, it may feel like your invisible, you may feel like you have no value. But you'd be wrong to feel that way. Sometimes it just takes time to find the right person, but, like Goofy said, you won't have wasted your time on all the wrong ones.

 

I was told that if you get involved with too many people that you start giving away bits and pieces of your heart until there's little or nothing left for the person you've been dreaming of.

 

Just find ways to make your life enriching, learn new things, explore this big ol' world, hold your head up high, yeah--even smile at strangers, but know that good things are around the corner.

[acuraman]

Its good to know girls out there with morals and integrity. Take your time with relationships and don't try to worry too much. Some of the best things in life show up in front of you when you least expect it.

[DiscipleOfChange]

I´m a 20-something female who is alone (romantically speaking) for more than 20 years. One of my explanations is that I´m too normal, and never get any attention from other people. I´m nor ugly nor very pretty, prefer to dress normal but elegantly (dislike clothes that are too showy or sexy), I´m shy and reserved, especially with strangers. I´m the kind of woman that nobody pays attention to when walking on the street. I have difficulties interacting with people, I never know what to say.

 

You sound like a really wonderful person when you describe yourself that way. A lot of people say that one needs to stand out or dress elegantly, but I think, in fact i prefer girls that match your description. The problem is, guys like me are often a lot like the girls they're interested, relatively shy and the like. thereforeeee, the liklihood of two such people meeting is rather rare.

 

You sound like a really swell girl and I'm sure everything will work out

 

~Mark

[HajiMaji]

all it takes is one guy and youll feel at peace. It all works out in the end.

 

Like someone said, my cousin gets noticed by lots of guys. Shes also 20. She also hasnt met the man of her dreams, and while she is never alone - she has to deal with crappy boyfriends.

 

You have to deal with being lonely but dont have to deal with the crappy dudes.

 

Yeah, and if you were to smile at me on the street and say hi, even if you are not so pretty and not so ugly I would definitely say hi and smile back. Then, if a conversation started we might be feelin each other and there ya go. Its a nice thought.