Ok. . .so now what?

[Marcus Sientre]

Wow, its been one of those weeks, you know? link removed . . .not important, other than to know that. . .I was having trouble dealing with the fact that for her mental health, I had to separate from my girlfriend for awhile, but she said we needed to stay good friends through all of it for her betterment. Obviously this was really just killing me. But guess flippin' what?. . .

 

 

 

She broke up with me tonight! And no, I'm not excited about this, I'm just trying to stay. . .together.

 

I DID NOT see this coming. Really I didn't. Its all the normal bs I suppose I'm feeling though, the whole "I love her, and she loves me Tra la la la la". BOOM, oops guess what, turns out she doesnt love me after all. Not anymore anyway. I still love her though. I dont know what to do. All I know is what I cant do, and thats be with her. But I just dont know what I should do right now. I havnet cried yet, I'm sure I will at some point. I feel very empty though, and lost. I feel. . .nothing. Blah, breaking up sucks.

 

Honestly, I'm so. . .ok, I'm going to say lost again. Actually I'm a little afraid too. I thought we were perfect together. I thought she was perfect for me. And if what I think is perfect isnt for me, then what is? How can there be anyone more perfect for me out there? What were the odds that me and her would find eachother in the first place? I mean, I know there are a lot of "fish in the sea", but it feels like I've already found my fish, and she doesnt love me anymore. So now what? What hope do I have now? What is there for me after all of this crap? Bah!

[nataliejulie]

Okay, a few things...

 

 

I once had a therapist that asked me to leave a relationship while I was dealing with a certain issue. I didn't of course, it sounded very silly to me. It was the only good thing happening in my life! I'm in school right now for therapy and one of the things taught on the first day was to NOT to direct someone's life, but rather to achieve goals in a healthy way.

 

You say she has security issues. I think she's laying a little too much dependence on this shrink now. He says jump it will make you feel better, she says how high.

 

Another thing... the friend status. It's not all that bad. Labels are nothing to worry about. My current what-ever-he-is, we are taking things slow (after our break up two months ago).. going on dates, improving things.. etc. Part of that "taking things slow" is by not indulging on a "serious" relationship, but rather starting a new one. We both have a lot of issues to work through, especially my mental issues... and the best way to take it is very very slow.

 

I would do NC right now. Give her some space and time for herself to heal. I think if you pull off anything rash right now it may push her farther so the best thing to do is nothing at all!

[NewPhillyGuy]

Hey bro,

 

First off, I want to say I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I actually went through a similar situation way back when I was dating this girl in college who had some mental problems also. Here's my advice:

 

The most important thing here is what your girl really wants, because no matter what any therapist, friend, or parent tells her, she's going to do exactly what she wants in the very end. You have no idea what's going on with her when the door is closed during those sessions, so don't even worry about it. What matters is only what she SAYS and DOES, so don't even think about anything else.

 

It really does seem like she's totally taking you out of the picture. Yes, she has whatever problems and she needs to deal with them. If she really cares about YOU, however, that does not mean that you just fall out of the picture. You also have feelings and needs. You need to understand she's going through a tough time and give her some slack, but she can't just forget about your well-being also.

 

If she's giving you the cold shoulder, you need to come right out and tell her how it makes you feel. Tell her that you want to be with her and you are willing to take things slow, but you're not going to stand for being treated like garbage. Let me say this in the strongest way possible:

 

THERE'S NO REASON TO SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL WONDERFUL! YOU WANNA KNOW WHY? LIFE IS TOO SHORT, AND THERE ARE TOO MANY WONDERFUL GIRLS OUT THERE WAITING FOR A GREAT GUY LIKE YOU!

 

Didn't mean to scare you. Just want to get my point accross. Tell your girl that along with anything else you feel.

 

So in summary: Understand her, give her some slack cause it's a tough time, be there for her, but do not allow her to push you around. Your feelings matter too!

 

Keep posting. I got your back bro.

[Marcus Sientre]

Thanks for the advice, I dont think I was really clear enough in my post (Sorry, I was just kinda. . .bleah).

 

The breakup. . .the one that offcially happened last night, seems independent of all her therapy and stuff. She said she doesnt love me like she used too. She said that we have different goals in life and too many differences between us. She's pretty much ready to throw are relationship to the side, she's done. I'm having a hard time dealing with it because of how I still love her. Of course I know that love wont get me anywhere, and I guess I need to focus on moving on.

 

So far as the NC thing goes, I guess now I can, and should. She said that she still wants us to be friends, but I was kinda like "Umm, ok, sure. . .someday. But I can't feel the way I feel about you and be friends with you too, not yet", and she seemed understanding of that.

 

So yea. . .relationship over. . .*sigh*

[Marcus Sientre]

Ok, so my feeling of lostness is still there some. Feeling hurt is a large one right now, but even its quickly getting replaced my anger. Is this normal?

[nataliejulie]

Ok, so my feeling of lostness is still there some. Feeling hurt is a large one right now, but even its quickly getting replaced my anger. Is this normal?

 

 

Oh the stages of breaking up. I call this "Stage 2 - Anger Management". 8)