What HAVE I DONE???

[vulnerable]

Hi it's me again, I am completely feeling HORRIBLE at the moment… I feel as if it's the end of the world. I have training this afternoon and I cancelled because I feel so lost. Sorry to vent here again, but to recap my story, bf cheated, took him back, did it again, argued A LOT so ended things and tried no contact for a few days and BAM! After 5 days of no contact here I am crying about what I should never have done this morning. …It hit me... he is gone... so STUPID of me – I called and left him a message to get in contact with me that I hope it isn't too late... HOW THE HELL IN THE WORLD DID I SAY ALL THAT WHEN I DIDN'T DO ANY THING WRONG IN THIS RELATIONSHIP... I AM STILL SHOCKED THAT I JUST TURNED OFF MY WORK PHONE AND LEFT MY MOBILE IN THE CAR BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I DID ALL THAT. Would you believe that I even told him that I miss him terribly? And that I wish we can bury the past and pick up from here and give it another chance... OMG!!! I AM THE STUPIDEST WOMAN EVER BORN IN THIS UNIVERSE! MY GOSH!!! I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!... Please help me. I don't know why I did what I did... I cannot understand my self any more.. Am I going crazy?? What is going on with me…Am I this weak??? I thought I was doing great but after crying for two days I couldn't take it anymore, couldn't help it so I phoned him and that should never have happened... I am beginning to hate my self because now I am hoping to get a response from him… he emailed me a couple of days ago telling me he misses me and that he loves me very much after reevaluating for a couple of days, I have decided to call him.. I shouldn't have, huh? OMG... I have just set my self up for yet another crazy days when I should have been just working towards rebuilding my self... what a mess I have made again today... What do I do now?? Please advise… I am losing it.. Please???

[lillady898]

I know the feeling. You're reminded of your ex, you get emotional, and then once you're all fired up with emotions, you call. And afterwards, you think about how stupid you are. But you're not stupid. You've simply allowed your emotions to get the best of you and you've made an unfortunate mistake.

 

I'm going through a breakup as well and it is very difficult to stop thinking about the ex. I'm using all of my disdain (maybe a strong word, but it works) for him to avoid calling him.

 

Just remember this feeling you have after you did this, so you can prevent yourself from doing it again. Everything will be fine.

[vulnerable]

thank you for your input, every bit of advice helps... I hope to feel better...I feel so weak...

[Love2Learn]

look on the bright side.... you made the call...but you have come to your senses and you probably won't ever do that again!

 

i'm getting over a break up myself ..and i did the exact same thing...meanwhile he was the one in the wrong- don't beat yourself - you are human.

 

pick yourself up...and keep on going down your original path which was to take care of yourself!

 

best of luck....hugs!!

[Jaela]

I too crumbled and sent a text I probably 'shouldn't' have. Now I leave my phone in my car, or I leave it in my bedroom when I go out and retrieve/return phone calls at the end of the day. By not carrying it around with me, I'm not tempted to pick it up and use it in a way I'll regret later.

 

*hugs* Be strong, your emotions are all over the place right now. But it will get better with time, I promise.

[vulnerable]

Thank you so much for your input... every input helps... I have been so stressed over this relationship and I feel that in the end I am the one who is suffering... I hope you all conitinue to reach for your goals as you have all just made me open my eyes and motivation as well.

Thank you again. I don't want to make the same mistake... I will fight this battle in my head...

[SubtleGrace05]

You have been betrayed, one of the deepest emotional wounds anyone can endure. In these times of weakness, your irrational subconscious mind thinks, if we are back together then I can pretend nothing happened, which means the hurt didnt happen and I dont have to deal with it. But the ugly truth jumps right back and smacks you back to consciousness.

 

Just remember that you are the injured party here. I will not use the word victim, because you dont need to get into the victim mentality. Treat yourself like you would anyone else who has been hurt. Dont rush, take time to heal, be good to yourself. Pretend that you have the flu and you are trying to get yourself well. Take vitamins, drink fluids, rest, watch a funny movie on tv, go for a walk, anything to get your mind off of it.

 

Forgive yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "yes, I made a mistake but I forgive myself". Dont think about it again. If he calls, ignore it, or better yet, simply say "sorry, I made a mistake" and leave it at that.

 

Hugs,

 

Grace

[Wimpy]

Hey I'm 6 months into my break-up but things started going wrong (I see that now with hindsight ) nearly a year ago. In the early days I did what you did....started things up again....apologised for things that really weren't my fault and basically pleaded for him to give us another chance.

 

Then 6 months ago he broke up with me in an e-mail (see earlier posts if particularly interested). Anyway this time it was different...for a starter he'd waited until he'd returned home to his country to do it - what a coward!. But this time I knew "enough was enough" and I've made NO attempts at reconcilliation. Part of that is down to the fact that it would be hard as he's no longer in my country but part of it is down to the fact that I woke up finally and realised that for a long time I'd been selling myself short.

 

You can't change the past - deal solely in the "here and now" and commit to not doing the same thing again.

 

Don't worry - this is all part of the process of healing.

 

I thought I was making progress but this past week I've got very down about everything again.

 

Keep strong....

[frail]

After a break-up, it's very hard to control yourself all of the time with your emotions going crazy. You did what many of us have done, including me. Your not stupid. You have realized it was a mistake. At least you know you won't take his behavior anymore and truly want to move on. You were just overcome by those pesky emotions. It's alright. I think your strong. Your telling us you feel you deserve better by saying you can't believe you called him. YOU DO DESERVE BETTER!! Your on the right track. But next time you get worked up, hide the phone from yourself… delete his speed dial… or tie up the line by calling a good friend. Maybe the one that always cracks you up! Take care J