patience Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 I'm a woman. I was dating an older woman who was hot/cold with me. (we've been acquaintances/friendly with each other for several years). She asked me out first. She started to do this push/pull stuff, and I didn't know where I stood with her. I stopped calling her last week, because I was doing too much of the pursuing, and she wasn't very available anyway. Something just didn't seem right. I was tired of humiliating myself by chasing her. She would "need space" off and on. I ran into her this weekend, and she wants to talk with me. She is supposed to call me in a couple of days. She said she wants me in her life, and is willing to compromise so that both of our needs get met. She told me that her ex (a man) contacted her a couple of weeks ago, and asked her to move in with him. They had been broken up for several months before she and I started seeing each other. She was the one who broke it off with him because he wasn't relationship material. I don't know if he knows anything about me. (She is bisexual. She is not "out"). She told me that she said no to him, but that she still has some feelings for him. (which really sucks for me!) She still wants me in her life too though, and she wants to see me this coming week. I haven't decided yet if I will talk to her or see her or not. My head is spinning. I really like her, but how on earth do I compete with an ex-boyfriend??? Do you think she is just playing games? Does she sound genuinely interested? I feel so confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Be very careful that you do not get used, hurt and abandoned. At least she is being 'honest' but she is also being somewhat manipulative. I think you should tell her to make a decision who she wants - exclusively - and then let you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patience Posted September 25, 2005 Author Share Posted September 25, 2005 manipulative in what way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Because by telling you the 'truth' she is leading you on to hope that she may be with you and not letting you go your own way. It's like putting you on hold while she makes up her mind. She is keeping her options open while not really allowing you to leave yours open. At the moment you want her more that she wants you - and she knows that. But if she goes back to the ex, she can always throw up her hands innocently and say "I didn't mislead you - you had the option to go." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patience Posted September 25, 2005 Author Share Posted September 25, 2005 But if she goes back to the ex, she can always throw up her hands innocently and say "I didn't mislead you - you had the option to go." True. That could happen. She hasn't asked me not to see other people...maybe I should bring that up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 You could - but in your place I would just tell her to leave me alone until she had made up her mind who she wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patience Posted September 25, 2005 Author Share Posted September 25, 2005 I am considering doing just that. I have to talk with her to find out what's going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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