CONFUSED

[Mattie]

It's a bit of a long story, so I'll try and be as brief as I can.

 

My ex and I split up in July. We were on a break for all of June. In that time I realised what I had to do differently to make things work. We got back together at the beginning of July when she got back from uni for the summer and agreed to work things out.

 

A few weeks later, I found out that my ex was seeing somebody else from home. An old school friend that she was catching up with when she got back from university. I was paranoid about this and I asked her before I found out. She denied it and got angry at me for "accusing" her. She never told me. I found out from a mutual friend. When I found out, she didn't seem to care whatsoever.

 

Anyway, after the initial events that follow a break up, we started talking again a few weeks later. We were talking like we used to. We were laughing and joking around. Nothing was said about me and her. It never came up, but it was just nice to talk to her without arguing as that's all we'd done for the month before.

 

After a few weeks of being friends, I realised that I was being friends with her for two reasons. The first was that I felt I would get used to the idea of not being with her if I was just talking to her as a friend. Hmmm. The second was more subliminal. Deep down, I felt that being a friend would mean that maybe she'd realise what she'd given up and come back to me. Either way, both reasons weren't going to work and I told my ex one last time how I felt and that we shouldn't speak.

 

That was two weeks ago. I've had no contact with her since then and she's not made any effort to contact me.

 

I'm just confused. I know we could've worked things out (and still work them out). My ex is a very closed person. She never opened up when we were together. If something was wrong and I asked her, she would say: "Nothing". Even tho, it was obvious that something was bothering her. As soon as she got with her friend, she ignored my existence. She told me she loved me. Either she lied about that or she ignored me to try and move on. Seeing me was maybe too much for her, I don't know.

 

So, it's been two weeks and I'm still thinking about her. Part of me is really angry and wants to hate her for how it all ended and I want to tell her so. I want her to understand how hurt she made me. The worry is that then she'll hate me even more and be thankful she dumped me.

 

The other side of the coin is that I miss her and want to be with her. I want to start being friends with her again and talking to her, but I don't want to give her the power and the ego boost of her having an ex chasing her.

 

What do I do?

[xenakis]

It is utterly useless to tell her you hate her. Don't do that. Revenge brings nothing positive.

 

Wait until you are completely over her. Then, maybe, contact her. Never bring up the past and just try to be friends for good reasons.

 

If it was meant to be, it will happen. I really believe that.

 

Good luck

[letsnotfight]

Hey Mattie,

Here's the thing-

You have already told her how you feel about her, she knows that. You have also told her that because of the way you feel its best nnot to talk unless she wants to persue the relationship ( thats basically what you said, right?).

The way I see it, you have tried to work on the relationship, you both know where you stand, if she wants to contact you she will but I wouldnt get my hopes up about it seeing that you said that she is a closed off person.

Try to move on with your life. If she calls then there is hope and try to wotk it out, if she doesnt then she's gone. DO NOT CALL HER AND DO NOT WAIT FOR HER CALL.

The anger will pass in a couple of months by the way, but you will have to sit through it.

Just know this, even if you call her you won't feel better, she does'nt have a magic wand to change the past so let it be. What's the point in telling her how much she has hurt you, if she cares at all about that she wouldnt have hurt you in the first place.

Seroiusly, let it go. Its done.

Take care and be strong.

[Mattie]

Thanks guys.

 

When I said I want to hate her, that was a bit extreme. I'm sure you all know what I mean when I say that.

 

The confusion comes from the way she changed really quickly. I was the one that suggested a break. When I suggested that, she was heartbroken. She was in tears and really really upset. I told her I didn't want to break up. I told her I loved her. I just needed to figure things out.

 

So, in a way, I have only got myself to blame, but I realised how I felt in the time apart.

 

The confusing thing was that she was so cut up and heartbroken at the thought of breaking up with me. She would call and text me all the time during the break. I felt strongly for her, I just wanted to test myself. And it worked. I realised that this was the girl I wanted to marry.

 

It is just weird how things worked out. It often feels like the friend she is with now took advantage of the break and comforted her. The last thing she will remember of our relationship is how hurt she was. Comparing that to a loving friend giving her attention... well, it's not a hard choice.

 

It is frustrating that's all.

[cb2000]

You fought for months

You broke her heart

Shes been seing someone else

Your angry because she wont take you back

You think that you can convince her of

what shes missing by pretending to be friends.

 

You need to sort yourself out.

I would strongly recomend

going to a profesional

councelor or therapist.

[heloladies21]

Stay in No Contact. If she realizes what she lost, she'll get a hold of you. Otherwise you don't want her anymore anyways. Either way, NC is the way to go. Talk to lots of other girls.