depressed

[brit]

i was great friends with this guy for a year, and then he started dating someone out of town. this led me to tell him how i felt about him and that i wanted to date him. he said he respects me (ha, there's that word) and was attracted to me, but couldn't date someone in the same city because he's immersed in work. three months ago, he started dating someone else in the city! she is gorgeous, a model and singer. one night, i got upset and said i didn't understand why we couldn't date. he got pissed off and cut me out of his life all summer. we just started talking again and he told me how proud he is of me for everything i've accomplished. then the other night, this girl out of the blue told me that his girlfriend was moving in with him (he's never introduced us) so at this house party i asked his friend. his friend told him and now, he says he can't talk to me coz i'm obssessed with his personal life. i told him it's not a big deal to ask that question but now he wants to cut me out of his life. i am devastated. just last week, he said how proud he is of me. how do i proceed? should i back off for weeks? a month? months? and see if he misses me. we really are two peas in a pod - same goals, interests, drive. i think i'm in love with him. i can't believe this girl is moving in after three months.

[t-rav]

wow.....

this guy sounds like a real jerk. i feel like he is trying to reserve you as like a backup woman. you're better than that. go find yourself a guy who is interested in you now. dont wait around for his sorry ass. find someone new. not to get back at him. but to make yourself feel better.

 

-travis

[saren]

I knew a guy like that once.

 

I had to stop talking to him. It was too painful, and too confusing trying to figure out every little bit of abnornmal behaviour coming out of him. I figured if I was important enough, he'd make the effort to contact me if he wanted to. I don't think you were out of line asking his friend if it was true what you heard (I think his response was totally out of the water weird) and he doesn't show you that he respects you in action. I learned that the best way to tell what you're worth to someone is by how they treat you, rather than by what they say. I think the best thing for you to do is to withdraw from the situation. If he asks (and he may, or he may not. In my case, it's been over a year and he hasn't spoken to me once) you can tell him he's been a crappy friend and you can't be bothered to be treated like that. We can't condone this sort of behaviour from men.

 

Best of luck.

[brit]

i'm just really hurting right now. he is amazing and we confide in each other about all our projects and encourage and support one another. he says i now make him uncomfortable because how i react that he has a girlfriend. i can't blame him. i'm upset she is moving in so soon and i still don't understand why he didn't like me like that. dumb i know. i just wanted to see if he'd miss me. i expect to get some emails tomorrow from him because i sent a few tonight, trying to get him to reconsider. how should i respond if he says to back off and give him space? do i never contact him again?

[saren]

Exactly.

 

The emails you sent him tonight could be risky. He's already recoiling, and you don't want to do anything that can drive him away anymore than he's already driving himself. You've set the ball, it's now in his court. You have to wait for his response now.

 

My advice is to give him lots of space, and do what you can to heal yourself. As in any relationship, the No Contact rule can prove healthy; Not neccesarily to make him miss you / test him, but to get your own feelings sorted out.

 

I don't know why he's not with you, either. Guys are weird like that. Like I told you earlier, I was in this EXACT situation a year ago, and it devastated me like nothing ever before or since. I had to get out, and he ended up not caring enough to ever call again. In the end, he would not even meet me face to face -- it hurt so much. I got rejected in favour of a thinner girl (not that I'm that fat, I wear a size 8, but that's too big for him) and I felt like the biggest bint in the world, for not being good enough, and for putting up with it again and again. I wish I had not deleted the posts I had made about him and this situation, I think you would have identified and understood them. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it, and I'll tell you what happened in my situation, and what I did, and then what became of it in more detail.

[Life.On.Standby]

eep