What is my responsibility to this woman?

[ChiMan]

In the recent past, I posted about a rather unusual situation. It all began as a cyber-relationship, which turned into a very significant relationship for the both of us. However, I wrote in the past that despite her discussions of sexual intimacy, when we finally met she told me that she was unable to have that kind of relationship with me. After a lot of back and forth discussions and some thoughts that she may have be motivated by money, I finally confronted her on the topic and threatened to cut off the relationship as I saw that her needs and mine were in conflict. It is important to keep in mind that she has frequently expressed how important I had become in her life and I am aware that she has some major fears of abandonment.

 

In our recent conversation where I informed her of my decision to end the relationship, she became panicked, tearful and then told me that she loves me more than anyone in her life - including her parents - and that she cannot bear to have me leave her.

 

While there is the possibility she can be a very accomplished manipulator, that is not the feeling I get from her. She seems sincere with this admission.

 

Anyone have any thoughts on how to handle this situation? While it is flattering to have someone express those sentiments, it carries a lot of responsibility. It may also explain a lot of her ambivalence about a sexually intimate relationship. This may also be a box I will not be able to easily escape if things go south without causing some trauma.

[heloladies21]

Everything you tell me about this chick says she's a gold-digger. Don't be a sucker, go find a girl who's willing to pay for her own stuff and who's interested in you, not your $$$.

[RandomAdvisor]

What is your responsibility to her? None. In answer to your previous topic, "Is she in it for the money?" - also a yes in my opinion.

 

The bottom line is that if she wanted to be with you, she would. She's had plenty of time. But she isn't. Instead, she's all too happy to let you buy her expensive gifts and take her out to fancy retaurants.

 

I think she is using you, and you were right to decide to end the relationship. How did you think she would respond beforehand though? That she'd say, "You know what? You're right. We should end this." And say goodbye to all the gifts and dinners? Of course not! Her putting on the water works and all the nice talk was entirely predictable. I think you should tell her you're sticking with your decision, and you don't want her contacting you anymore.

[ChiMan]

Thanks to you and heloladies21 for your replies. My bad for not including this information last night but since I posted my last related topic, money/financial support has been removed from the mix by mutual agreement. So, I am no longer worried about the money factor.

 

What is a concern is her need for constant reassurance and emotional support. As I was saying, if her view of me is that I am the most significant person in her life, it may well explain why she has some intimacy problems with me.

 

Also, how much emotional support and reassurance do I provide before I start to feed her fears of abandonment?

[heloladies21]

If you were that important to her she'd have no problem being intimate with you.

 

You need to ask yourself what you really want out of this relationship. Do you want a sexual relationship, a friendship, a committed relationship? "I'll take any of the above" is not a good answer. Define what you want and don't settle for anything else.

[randy]

can u post a link to your previous posts?

[schmuckcanuck]

If your relationship is defined by whether there is "sexual intimacy" and she has told you that she will NOT fill this requirement, why would you want to stay with someone like this? Your life with never be fulfilled.

[OceanEyes]

can u post a link to your previous posts?

 

Here are two previous relevant posts

 

Is she in it for the money?

 

Am I simply being unrealistic?

 

If you were that important to her she'd have no problem being intimate with you.

This pretty well sums up the truth of the matter. A woman who is really into you will want nothing more than to sleep with you. Women are just as interested in having sexual relationships with men we're interested in as men are, trust me. We enjoy and look forward to those moments. Anything less should be unacceptable.

 

It does seem like this woman is interested in you, but in a very asexual way. She loves the attention, support, and stability that you offer, but there is little else. If she was into you on the same level that you were into her, she would have jumped right into bed with you by now. She hasn't slept with you because she doesn't see you that way. If she really didn't care for you whatsoever, she wouldn't keep you around for anything. You offer her gifts and support, she does not 'steal' these things from you.

 

You require a sexual relationship, but I can pretty much guarantee that it won't happen with her. It would have by now. If you end up having a sexual relationship now, the sex will probably be little more than a mundane, frigid exercise. Sex should be more organic.

[Lacuna]

 

A woman who is really into you will want nothing more than to sleep with you. Women are just as interested in having sexual relationships with men we're interested in as men are, trust me. We enjoy and look forward to those moments. Anything less should be unacceptable.

 

If she was into you on the same level that you were into her, she would have jumped right into bed with you by now.

 

And exactly what brand of Crack have you been smoking? What alarms me the most is that you are female OceanEyes and can still say such crap. I don't know the full story, have not had time to go back to the original posts, but there are MANY reasons why someone may show a fear of intimacy: abuse, issues etc. And NOT all women want to jump into the sack because they like a guy... Mores the pity....