He's emailing me too much

[Celadon]

This is probably a no-brainer, but I thought I'd throw it out there anyway for advice.

 

There's a guy I know who is an okay guy, but I don't enjoy his company all *that* much. We belong to the same volunteer group, so we've had some pretty interesting discussions about stuff that goes on there. But aside from that, we don't have much rapport in any other way. In fact, I get a little irritated with him sometimes.

 

Unfortunately, it seems like he thinks we are really good friends. I already told him long time ago when we first met and got to know each other that I had no interest in him, dating-wise.

 

But he keeps emailing me, chit-chatting about this and that. I stopped responding to him last week, but he keeps e-mailing me. I don't even talk to him much when I see him.

 

It's getting awkward, because he's acting like we're good friends and I'm acting like we're not. I mean, we're acquaintances, and that's the level I'm happy with. Any thoughts/suggestions? Thanks.

[obscuresin]

Come up with good excuses of why you haven't replied. Anything that'll work and you'll need a few. After a while, he just won't bother trying.

 

OR

 

Just tell him. You have other things to do than spend your time chit chatting with him.

[rionmccloud]

I vote for grow some cajones and tell him to stop. Honesty is best, even at the expense of others feelings if it is for a worthy reason. This is a worthy reason. You don't need to be rude, simply honest.

[pizzachick13]

Just tell him straight out that you don't feel that you're good friends and you're not looking to become that. It may hurt his feelings but it will spare your sanity.

 

Sappho...

[Mr. Cactus]

I agree that you should tell him straight. It is not only in your best interest, but importantly his as well. Of course he will be hurt, but better to hurt him now, because the longer you leave it the more hurt he will be.

[randy]

don't come up with excuses on why you have not emailed him. Just

 

A) tell him stright out (this is the better option) OR

 

B) Ignore him

[Celadon]

I guess the vote is unanimous then! Yeahhhhhh... that's pretty much what I figured, I should tell him I don't have time for him. Being someone who runs from conflict like the plague, I needed the kick in the pants.

 

Thanks, guys. 'Preciate it.

[RooferGirl23]

what kind of things does he e-mail you about..? do they suggest his further intrests in you, thus making you uncomfortable?

[darkblue]

Oh c'mon, the weird; semi-stalking guy has feelings too...

 

Yeah, tell him straight out.

 

Good luck!

[Celadon]

what kind of things does he e-mail you about..? do they suggest his further intrests in you, thus making you uncomfortable?

 

It's like, anything he hears about that has something to do with me, he'll e-mail me about. For example, if I'm talking with someone about running a marathon and he overhears it, he'll e-mail me and ask about that.

 

I mean, he's obviously trying to be friendly, but it feels to me like we have different boundary lines. Even my best girl friends wouldn't email me about something they'd overheard me saying. MAYBE it would come up in face to face conversation, but even then ...

 

Basically, I feel like he's trying to force something into happening that ain't happening, whether it's just friendship or something more. And yeah, I do feel uncomfortable with that...

 

LOL, darkblue, about the "weird, semi-stalking guy" ...

[Abby]

I have to say that if you speak with him and tell him you're not interested in pursuing a friendship, you're probably one of the very rare people that does that.

 

I'm not saying that's wrong. (Now from this guy's point of view) How many of us have tried to pursue friendships and seem to repeatedly hit a brick wall with them and not understand why they're not reciprocating? I speak for myself (not sure about others) when I feel it would be refreshing to hear someone say, honestly, that they have no inclination to developing a friendship and are happy to be acquaintances. Not being friends does not mean that you don't acknowledge each other when you happen to meet but it certainly will make things more comfortable at least knowing where you both stand.

 

Yes, I'm sure he will be hurt initially but I think he'll appreciate your honesty.

 

Be kind.

 

Take care

Abby

[Celadon]

Thanks Abby. It's so tough to say something like that directly, and to be honest, with this guy, I did respond to him and only went half way to saying I only wanted to be acquaintances. Yeah. I know ...

 

I basically told him I wasn't interested in long e-mail chats with him. He said he understood. I certainly didn't want to say anything negative about him or why I don't enjoy his company. That would have been hurtful. I just wanted him to know what I wanted/didn't want.

 

If he starts flooding me with e-mails again, I'm not going to respond. We don't talk by phone ever, so hopefully this will work. We'll still see each other occasionally in a group setting, and I don't mind casually chatting.

 

Will this hurt him more over the long run? I guess if he *really* doesn't get a clue or if he keeps trying to maintain contact (despite the fact that it gets him nowhere), then yeah. Then I'd be right back where I started ... but at least I'd already know what people's advice is!! And maybe I'd have more guts then...