7 year difference.....and i am only 14

[naughtycowgirl]

Me and my mom have talked about this problem i have. I recently met this 21 yr. old guy through my moms new boyfriend. Well we hit it off pretty good, I mean he even knows that i am 14. People have told me that i look 16 and have a maturity level of a 20 year old. I love the fact that i am like that, but anyways me and this guy are getting pretty close. Well he is working on my moms building she works at, it is getting renovated and he is part of the construction crew. Well last night i was suppose to meet this other guy to go to a football game, he stood me up, but i still wanted to go to the game, so Jay(21) volunteered to take me. Well i got to admit that i looked pretty hot, and he came over the house and was looking me up and down, and was smiling and he even touched my belt buckle that i had on(pretty close to my prized possesion) haha. He even gave me his phone number and stuff, me and him play around in the pool we have, we play games in there were there is touching involved. But i would like some people that i are in a situation similar to mine and doesnt mind expressing how they feel. My mom told me to keep in touch with this guy so when i get older he would be available. so i was like ok sure. But i wanna know how some people feel about this, what do i do? i know it could cause him problems but i can't help but fall for this guy deeper and deeper every time i see him. please tell me the negatives and positives of this.

_____________________________________

"when angels forget to fly

when its 20 below in july

when violets are red,

and roses are blue,

thats when ill stop lovin you"

[DN]

The negative side is that if he is touching you in a sexual way he could go to jail.

 

The positive side is that if he is touching you in a sexual way he could go to jail.

 

You are too young to be thinking of a relationship with a 21 year old. He should know better. I am also wondering if you are misinterpreting what your mother is suggesting - I hope so anyway.

[RandomAdvisor]

Realistically, I'd forget about him. You say you're a very mature 14 year old. That's great. But it would take an extremely immature and irresponsible 21 year old to even consider having a relationship with a 14 year old. If he's half as great as you think he is, he wouldn't have anything to do with you romantically at your age. And if he would - you'll learn soon enough that he's an immature jerk and that you've wasted your time with him.

 

Four years from now you'll be 18 and he'll be 28. By then both of you will have met and experienced new people. You yourself are in some interesting and exploratory years. Four years from now you'll probably barely even remember this guy. I think your mom made a mistake by advising you to remember him for when you get older.

[lillady898]

Reasons to have a relationship:

-You like him, he likes you.

 

Reasons to AVOID a relationship with him:

-A 21 year old man wants to be involved with a 14 year old, which the mere thought of is quite eery and has me wondering what is real intentions are.

-He could get put in jail for statutory rape for a very long time if you were to do anything sexual together.

-You both are at completely different stages of your life (regardless of maturity levels, you both still have different things to accomplish and both have to grow in different ways).

-Your mother says you should wait until you are older to persue anything with him (I'm assuming that is what she meant).

[MetallicAguy]

Positive: He's older and women mature faster so yeah, I can see why your attracted to him and it'd be a good match mentally.

 

Negative: What DN said first of all, and he could really take advantage of you, use you just for sex or something like that...you never know.

 

He should know better

I agree with that. Plus I already think he's a pig for showing some interest in a 14 year old. In my opinion, don't fall for this guy's **** I think he's fake and is just trying to have sex or something. But yeah, just being honest and you said

doesnt mind expressing how they feel

. (Btw, I'm not in a situation similar to this, but I felt the urge to reply).

[naughtycowgirl]

i understand where ya'll are coming from, but i mean would it be ok to remain friends with him? i am not the girl that would **** the guy and hope he might stay with me because i gave it up. But i would like to keep in touch with him he only lives an hour from where i live. And by the way when i am 18 he would only be 24. so it is not bad. i dont know what to do. i sometimes hate being in this situation but at times i wouldnt give nothing 4 it. ugh.....**SIGHS** thanks guys, i'll keep you posted and let u know what i am going to do. and what becomes of the situation

[lillady898]

Also, I think you even have the feeling that it just wouldn't feel right being a 14 year old dating a 21 year old. Otherwise, why would you be asking about it?

 

Furthermore, you even put in your title that you are only 14. You do have a lot of growing to go, regardless of your maturity at this point in time. Gosh, most 18, 19, amd even some 24 year olds have a lot of growing to do.

[MetallicAguy]

Yeah, I guess...just if you hang out like at his place or something, if he asks you if you want to "Hang out in my room" for some reason, don't fall for it. I think you know what that means anyway if your mature as a 20 year old.

[antzca2000]

Dunt do it... and... dunt do it. At his age he'd be just right to be friends with your mom and play a big brother figure for you. Playing games together in the pool where touching is involved is difinitely a little weird.

 

If u wanna remain friends with him I think its best to chat over MSN.

[darkblue]

Also, I think you even have the feeling that it just wouldn't feel right being a 14 year old dating a 21 year old. Otherwise, why would you be asking about it?

 

Furthermore, you even put in your title that you are only 14. You do have a lot of growing to go, regardless of your maturity at this point in time. Gosh, most 18, 19, amd even some 24 year olds have a lot of growing to do.

 

Well said.

 

Some 30 year olds have a bit of maturing to do too.

 

I don't think it's right for a fourteen year old girl to put herself in that situation of vulnerablity.

 

For one: He'd be calling the shots; he's older and would expect dominance.

 

He could be interested in having sex. Illegal - depending on where you live.

 

If you want to stay friends with him - be careful it doesn't go any further than that. And you'd better make sure you don't have feelings for him before deciding to be friends.

[Life.On.Standby]

WOAH

 

okays... im in a relationship with a girl who is two years younger than me, and im 17.

for quite a wile i thought there was no way anything would happen because i was deeply put off by the age gap, which was only two years.

we're now going out as i eventually decided that the age difference was not a big enough reason not to go out with her.

we've been together a wile now, just over 1/4 a year. but have been very close friends for about 3/4 of a year now.

 

the point im trying to make is..... I.. not my parents, not my friends, but ME!. i was put off by a TWO year difference.. but in time decided it wasnt going to effect the realtionship at all.

 

but.... your 14... hes 21... thats SEVEN years difference... and neither of you are put off by that??

it just seems like an idealistic crush that you have more than anything. he is alot older and you look up to him.

 

two years worked with me, because i honestly love her,.. and i totally didnt see it happen.. we were just friends.. .

yours is different... seven years... just.. at your age a seven year gap is way too much.

and yes... he could go to jail for that.

just touching you could put him in jail... and it would only take your mother or someone complianing about it to put him there.

 

so if you do have any real love for this guy.... dont try and go out with him, for his sake.

 

hope that helped.

probobly not though

[combat_barbie]

When I was 16 I went out with a guy who was 24...so thats 8 years but I was a bit older. I dunno 14 is legal in Canada. I never had a problem with it but I was already sexually experienced so it wasn't really the matter of using someone who had no experience. When we met he guess I was about 18-20 so it's not like that was his intent. Up to you depends what your interested in I don't see a huge problem with it but if your totally sexually inexperienced I would worry about being used. Pretty much every guy I've gone out with has been a few years older than me though although usually only 2-3 intentions are more important than age.

[naughtycowgirl]

Thanks combat_barbie, i like what you said, i think i will continue seeing him and see what becomes of the situation, thanks for all the other advice too.

[melrich]

Whilst a 7 year age difference is not a problem when both individuals are at a mature age, it is inappropriate when one individual is 14. You are worlds apart in terms of where you are in your respective lives and experiences.

 

Really it should be a concern to your mother that a 21 year old is even remotely pursuing such a relationship.

 

Put things on hold for a few years. If your paths cross later on in life then you can pursue it and see what comes of it.

[naughtycowgirl]

My mom knows i have such feelings for this guy, and she trys to tell me it is wrong. i know it is but i am stubborn. I honestly dont believe in age. It is just a number put on the human body to put an educated guess on how the body is aging. So in scientifcaly saying there is no such thing as a aduly, kid, teen, baby. But that is how i am thinking, i have no clue what i am going to do.dont get me wrong i am listening to your advice and i am taking the time to read it, but i am trying to decide if i am going to persue it or not. sometimes i hate being me.

[melrich]

I honestly dont believe in age. It is just a number put on the human body to put an educated guess on how the body is aging.

 

This is really not true. You will be such a different person in terms of your knowing yourself, your experience and the way you process decisions at the agwe of 20 to the person you are now.

[naughtycowgirl]

ok whatever..i just will persue what i an doin

[Life.On.Standby]

ok whatever..i just will persue what i an doin

okays... so you blatantly take NO notice of what people are saying...

this adds to our proof of the different mentality of YOU and this guy.

your 14.. nieave... stubborn.

take the advice... if your just going to say "ok whatever" to everything thats said that you dont like... why did you even bother coming to this forum??

just curious... but why???

did you just want some reassurance that what your doing is right? because it just isnt... its just... not!!!!

your too young for that age difference to work... maybie in 8 to 10 years it might.

but , more than anything.. thats just weird... and he can go down for child rape if you 2 "do" anything.

 

if you want to be more mature.. grow up... dont persue this guy.. find someone your own age...

and dont ruin his life here.

 

but yeh.. you will probobly have not payed any attention to anything that i have just said... as its not what you want to hear.. is it??

 

its not that friendly reassurance that what your doing is perfect acceptable.

its just not.

 

im sorry to seem so rash about it.... but .. its just wrong. okays?

[lillady898]

So in scientifcaly saying there is no such thing as a aduly, kid, teen, baby.

 

Actually... Scientifically, there is such thing.

 

And age makes a LARGE difference. Whether or not you are mature for your age, there are still distinct differences in where you're at in life.

 

Look at it this way. You start 1st grade when you're maybe five or six. What would be wrong with moving a 1st grader up to 5th grade? First, they wouldn't have the social abilities and experience to live a healthy and happy lifestyle. Second, most 1st graders don't have the mental compacity to do the same work as a 5th grader. That it a somewhat obvious situation.

 

Now look at your situation. You're 14. Did you just currently start high school? That is one experience you have not lived through. Have you ever had a job? Legally you shouldn't have, so there's another thing you haven't yet experienced. Are you planning on going to college? That is yet another thing- that is very life altering- that you may or may not go through eventually. You still have a lot of growing up to do, and by realizing that... THAT is what maturity is.

 

Maturity is putting your stubborness aside to make the correct decision. AND, not doing something behind your mother's back when she is being completely reasonable AND also is giving you a place to live.

 

Do you really think you've had the same life experiences of a 21 year old at the age of 14? Probably not.

 

And you know what? At 14, I didn't believe in age either. Boy was that wrong.

[naughtycowgirl]

ok, that is ur opnion, this is my opnion. So i am just going to keep doin what i am doing, and if i get hurt or involved in with the law i will let you know. thanks though for trying to conveince me otherwise

[darkblue]

ok, that is ur opnion, this is my opnion. So i am just going to keep doin what i am doing, and if i get hurt or involved in with the law i will let you know. thanks though for trying to conveince me otherwise

 

We're trying to protect you, and your 'boyfriend' of the possible risks you could be taking. The end decision; of course, is yours.

[naughtycowgirl]

i am really glad that you have good advice darkblue and you always seem to put your two cents in my posts. Thanks but i will just countinue with this and expect the least out of it...it is keepin me busy

[darkblue]

i am really glad that you have good advice darkblue and you always seem to put your two cents in my posts. Thanks but i will just countinue with this and expect the least out of it...it is keepin me busy

 

Very well, and you're welcome.

 

Keep us updated.

 

Take Care.

[Life.On.Standby]

no helping some people i suppose

[darkblue]

]]no helping some people i suppose

 

We did, we gave the facts on which she will make a decision on.

 

Better informed and comitting an act that could be illegal, than comitting the act and she didn't know.

 

It's up to her to make the final decision based on our help and her own free will.