Is he pushing me away cuz he likes me?

[JustineDuck]

I got involved super quick with this guy from work and we dated for about a month and slept together and spent time together. I said I wouldn't sleep with him any longer unless I was dating him, etc. He said he'd give it a try and then BAM...he said he was sorry and that he wouldn't have time for me and that he wasn't the one for me and I deserved better. (He also had his heartbroken severly by his ex 3 yrs ago and is still bitter and hurt by it.)

 

So, sometimes I still spend the night at his house and when I do, we never have sex...he says it isn't a good idea(drunk or not) yet he still cuddles with me, kisses me all over like crazy.

 

Is he playing with my mind and pushing me away because he doesn;t want to get hurt, or is he just using me (but yet how could he when we're not even having sex because he thinks it is not a good idea??) What is he doing/thinking? It's so up and down....help! Need some advice!

[goddess23]

hmm....this one is strange. honestly it seems like hes either still hung up over his ex maybe really hurt and simply not ready for a serious emotional attatchment. he could really like you and not want to hurt you knowing that again he really isnt ready for a gf and that he isnt willing right now to give that to you. he could be trying to get you to break up with him in a "nice" way.

 

i really dont think hes USING YOU. but there are other negatives i mentioned so consider those.

 

its really commendable if this guy really doesnt want to have sex (especially considering you guys have already) simply because he thinks its not a good idea but then why would he give you another impresion by doing other things of a romantic context with you. honestly i think you need to be straight up with him. no more mind games. say "seriously if you dont see this working out maybe we should just end it before it gets messy". if hes quick to say i guess or something to that extenet (remember guys have trouble saying what they really feel--good and especially bad) then its bad news. dont be like well lets tryy.

 

but really it seems he really doesnt want to be DATING YOU exclusively for WHATEVER REASON. hes showing you that because you didnt want to sleep with him any longer until there was commitment. and hes really a nice guy by not just telling you what you want to hear and getting what he wants. but at the same token he doesnt LIKE YOU THAT MUCH(at least right now). and hes keeping you around just hanging it by a thread so that incase he feels differently soon you'll be there in cloes reach. so consider what you want and if you want to be left in this type of postion, i really wouldnt suggest it, it is really hurting and confusing you and causing un necessary stress. hes right--you deserve better.

[JustineDuck]

That is totally right. I really just needed to hear it from someone since nobody's given me a straight up answer like that. I do need to end it with him cuz it does still hurt. I guess I'll have to see what happens when I start dating other guys and see if he reacts, and if he doesn't even more the better because he isn't worth it in the long run then.

 

Thanks!

[zoila]

Well, yeah, basically it sounds like your at the same place as you were before - only your not having sex: you still don't have something concrete, and you still want more...

 

I think he is "using" you but not in a bad way... he feels good when he's with you, he likes having someone to feel close too, all that good stuff... People don't only use other people for sex...

 

It's nice that you´re not having sex, but the fact that your still messing around and not just being *FRIENDS* is going to confuse you...

 

Yeah, I would tell him you guys need be only friends, and you can see how it feels, or he needs be dating you. Tell him exactly what "dating you" means, make sure he understands you can't carry on like you have been...

 

Sounds like he's just not ready, like he's still wounded (although after 3 years? To me he's not over it because he doesn't want to be over it...!)

 

Sounds like too much *trouble* ...

[JustineDuck]

Actually, if he did want something serious now, I don't think I would think about him as much. I would, but then I would always be on the lookout for something better. So in the long run , it isn't a good thing anyway especaially knowing that I deserve to be treated a lot better.