Still attracted to me?

[Crystaltopaz84]

Well I am at my wit's end currently, but I'll try to keep this as short and to the point as I can.

 

Basically, there is a guy that I have known for about 3-4 years now and we both have expressed great interest in dating eachother but the timing has never been right. Now that we are both single, I have been really excited about finally getting the opportunity to date him and he seemed to share my enthusiasm at first. However, now he hardly calls me and when we chat online the past few times he has answered my questions with about the shortest most generic answers possible!

 

He owns his own landscaping business, which has been keeping him busy lately so I am trying to just convince myself that is the reason for his change in character rather than him possibly changing his mind about 'us'. I have just been waiting for this for so long that I can't seem to stop thinking about him and worrying that it is over before it started.

 

Another potential issue/problem is the fact that he has already had a few physical relationships and I am still as 'innocent' as they come. He says he is worried about hurting me (probably because of this) but I don't know how to make him see that is something for me to worry about and not him.

[bettyboop401]

If you've known him for 3-4 years are you not confident talking about these issues with him? If he's being distant just ask him if everything's ok. If he doesn't open up and says he's fine, perhaps you could say that that's good and you wouldn't have asked, just he seemed distant. I'm not saying it'll work and he'll want to tell you every problem he's got, but it's worth a try and couldn't hurt. If he's really busy he may be preoccupied so it may have nothing to do with your relationship. He sounds like a great guy if he's worried about hurting you, but you just have to tell him, as you said, that it's something for you to deal with but you do appreciate his concern. Just let him know that you're prepared to try a relationship and you don't want to not do anything because of maybe's.

 

Good Luck!

 

Betty!

[Crystaltopaz84]

Thanks for replying Betty.

 

The problem with talking to him about this is that I don't want to seem too pushy because I've told him that I don't want to put any pressure on him to make a decision to date or not. I truly don't want to add any more stress to his already strenuous life, but when it seems that he is just stringing me along I get a bit deffensive and worried.

 

I suppose I just sound selfish, but I got so used to his flirty comments and him talking about a future together and everything that this sudden change has really shaken and upset me. I keep wondering if it was something I did or said. Maybe he's changed his mind now or something. I scared to lose him because I care about him so much and think that it could really turn out to be awsome if he give it a chance.

[Lily04]

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking him, I don't think it's being pushy at all. If you just ask him like you're concerned, and as a friend, that's fine. i.e. "How have you been doing lately? How's your landscaping business coming along, you've seemed sorta busy or distant lately, just wondering if everything's alright..."

 

And then maybe you can suggest doing something together.

 

Hope it works out. I've been in a similar situation before, so I can relate (i.e. having a bf who is a lot busier than I am... you just have to co-ordinate your schedules so you see as other on your off days, and keep in contact with each other as much as possible. At least you're not in a LDR...)

 

Good luck!

[Crystaltopaz84]

thanks lily. I am feeling better than I did this morning, I was just really down after the bad/dull conversation I had with him yesterday. Reading about the problems some others are having has really put mine into perspective though. I just might try bringing it up to him again the next time we talk if he seems to be in a better mood. I didn't want to say anything when he wasn't really paying attention to the conversation and would probably give a half-thought answer anyway.

 

Yes, I am very glad it isn't a LDR too, I'm not sure how some do it! I would go crazy not being able to see them at least once a week.