Should i tell her to forget me?

[waiting]

The revelations just keep coming...

 

Have seen that continuing to pressure her to make a decision about our future is not helping anyone. I cant take the constant "i dont know if I'm ever coming back". I think its clear to me, if not her, that 14 months with another guy is a pretty strong indication she doesnt entertain any thoughts of us getting back together, regardless of how messed up and unsure of what she wants as she is.

 

So, do i tell her that i can see this, and i am giving up on all thoughts of having anything to do with her ever again (even though i of course still want her back), or do i just let the NC she called continue and not bother. Just keep it to myself and run my life accordingly. If she can still think of me as waiting, i'm not sure she will really face up to her feelings and will just coast along with him thinking she can always come back to me if it goes pear shaped with him. This is clearly not on.

 

Yes, its still thinking of ways to get her back, and probably just an excuse to contact her. But I have to do whats right for me, and that means making sure she is thinking of me the way i want her to.

 

On the other hand, it doesnt change what i have to do, and that i guess is probably more important - get on with things on the basis she isnt coming back and not worry about what she may or may not think about me.

[Tigris]

Continue with NC and get on with your life.

 

If it's meant to be then fate will find a way of throwing you back together again.

 

I hope you find a new girlfriend soon. In the meantime go out with your friends and have fun.

 

Good luck and take care.

[goddess23]

honeslty jus today i was giving a gf of mine a lecture about sort of stringing her bf along by telling him she needs time and thta shes confused because the fact is when a dumper does dumping its something thta they have comtemplated for awhile already. this person wants out at least at that moment and its UNFAIR to the other person to give them hope. to be honest it seems like this is what your girl is doing to you. i think you should MOVEEE ON. its tough but just tell her that you really want to move on and you need some time alone. later on you would like to be friends, and you'll give her a shout when that happens.

[Gilgamesh]

I agree with previous posters.

 

by the way, even if she breaks up with the guy she is with, if she jumps back with you without healing from everything else (last two break ups) she will most likely be a mess.

 

The reason she is like the way she is now is because she went with this new guy before she was healed from you.

 

So id give you very low odds that it would workout between you two even if she was to leave him tomorrow and come running to you, at first things may be ok, but remember her M.O.

[waiting]

Probably a bad idea, but it can get no worse anyway, but i have now told her i dont really need any answers from her. Any decision she may make about us has to be for her own reasons, not because she thinks i need it.

 

Against my own and others advice, but i needed to do it. I felt not in control of my own life knowing she was thinking i was waiting on her. I am not. I make my own choices about my life from here on, and I really needed this sense of control.

 

I have all the information i need. She keeps telling me she loves me, but i just dont believe it any more. She did once, and maybe she will again, but its the present that is real and the future is unwritten. She is not behaving like someone who loves me.

 

But in the here and now, it doesnt matter whether she does love me or not. It doesnt alter my feelings for her, and its not altering her choices now.

 

Who knows, maybe she will one day knock at my door. But maybe she wont. The future is what you make it, and i plan to make mine bright, with or without her. And her future is up to her. What it holds and who is in it is in her hands and what she does in the present determines that.

 

Now i have to heal from all this - on my own. And then maybe i will be able to talk to her. But not before.

[alphonsefa]

She keeps telling me she loves me

 

Yeah, she loves you so much that she's been banging another guy for 14 months! That's one hell of a way of showing love. Dude, she is poison and not worth your time. She doesn't love you! People who love someone don't go around sleeping with other people. First, don't ever contact her again; the more you stay in contact with her, the more pathetic you become in her eyes. If you are waiting for some great epihany to strike her, you are going to be waiting forever. Second, shoould she get you on the phone, tell her leave you alone, that you have no interest in a relationship with her, especially, including a friendship of any kind. You say you are moving on, but you haven't, you have kept contact with her for the 14 months while she's been with another guy. She's a sick B if that's her idea of love, to be with one guy, and tell another that she still loves him! Anytime you are feeling sad or weak, think about what a fool she is playing you for. She has absolutely no respect for you. I could care less what she tells you, just look at what she has done to you!

[waiting]

Yeah, it has finally dawned on me that this is the nasty truth. I have no idea why she keeps telling me that - its not right, its bloody torterous and its downright impossible to believe.

 

Another thing she has been saying for a long time is that she doesnt really know what love is, and i think shes right.

 

No, I havent been moving at all. I have been holding onto her words of love and care, and ignoring the reality of whats going on. But i think i have finally faced reality and am now able to let it all go.

 

Who knows - maybe in some strange way she still does love me and does think about coming back. But its not something i can think about any more, and its going to be up to her to convince me.

[Gilgamesh]

I think she feels she should love you because your such a great guy and forgiving, but internally she doesnt feel she deserves to be loved, and probably doesnt love herself much.

 

She is the kind of girl that wont be on her own very long, she needs someone to want her all the time for confirmation that she is desirable and a good person.

 

She likes it that you want her, because if you show her you still want her, this makes her feel better about herself over what she did to you, after all, if the person she hurt is willing to forgive then maybe what she did wasnt that bad. (in her mind). thats how she is justifying her actions.

 

I feel you love her greatly and wish she would knock on that door, but what you love is the person you once knew, that person doesnt exist anymore, its an illusion, the person you loved would never have done what this woman has done to you.

 

You have never given up on her and have not really healed from that breakup, only after you BOTH have let the scars heal over can you even consider ever getting together again. I dont see this girl as the type that will allow herself time to mend before jumping into a new relationship right away.

[waiting]

It is my great misfortune to be in love with this woman.

 

Everyone thinks their love is unique and special, but to me this is.

 

She hasnt broken my heart - she has ripped it out. How do you heal something that is gone...

 

She is a very messed up and confused girl. I know its no good trying to defend her and i'm not saying it excuses it. But I do understand a bit of why she has done it. She does love me, but is not in love with me. I am not sure she ever was to be honest, but i think so. in some strange way.

 

She is trying something else, because she feels she has to. She has often said that coming back to me is the easy option, and she has to see what else is out there. Fair enough I suppose, but she shouldnt keep telling me she loves me. She for some reason cant see that that is very unfair and very dishonourable. If she has any thoughts at all of coming back to me, she should not be with him until she knows for sure that we are over.

 

Feel a bit sorry for this other guy. I bet he doesnt know the first thing about what she is doing, and i bet he doesnt know that she is telling me she doesnt know if she is ever coming back to me. But she justifies saying that by putting the qualification in that its a general statement about the future. Sure, no one knows the future, but when the ex is hurting and hanging on, you say no never if you want them to move on. Its common courtesy. I think she is scared of saying that, as a part of her does still wonder about us.

 

She really doesnt have a clue about love. She cant tell me she was ever in love with me, and just doesnt know if she is capable of feeling that. I think she was though, but just didnt know how to regonise it or express it. She doesnt know if she loves him, and doesnt even bloody know if he is in love with her!! Think she is scared to ask, for he might ask her.... He is proabably scared to ask her too. Maybe he is able to cop uncertainty from her, who knows. Who cares...

 

But in the end, it just doesnt matter. She may love me, or she may not. The sad simple truth is that it has not altered her actions one bit, and she has done nothing to give me any reason to stay. I have had to excise deads**t friends from my life because no matter how much loyalty i have to them, they are no good for me and only bring me down. Its the same with her. It doesnt matter that i love her - i have to leave her behind. She is not something that brings anything positive into my life, and no amount of trying is going to change what she is doing. Have to ignore her words, and heed the reality of what she is doing.

 

Maybe when she is a bit better in touch with her own feelings and has finished "finding out what she wants", there may be a place for her again. But not now. If she really cares on some strange level, she will feel my absense. Or she wont.

 

I wish i could be angry with her though, might be good for me. But for someone who claims to have a strong moral code, i find it very hard to believe that she cant see what a stupid selfish and cruel b***c she has been.

[waiting]

Damn this is hard. No amount of advice or logical reasoning prepares you for just how hard it is.

 

I have absolutly no idea in the slightest what I am going to do. Everything I thought I knew about my life and where I would be going has been thrown out. How can she do this. How the hell can any one person have so much influence over someone else, and have the ablility to destroy them so comprehensivly. And how do they sleep at night knowing they have done it.

 

How do you leave behind something that has been an intergral part of your being for so long. Its an amputation of the soul....

[Gilgamesh]

Damn this is hard. No amount of advice or logical reasoning prepares you for just how hard it is.

 

I have absolutly no idea in the slightest what I am going to do. Everything I thought I knew about my life and where I would be going has been thrown out. How can she do this. How the hell can any one person have so much influence over someone else, and have the ablility to destroy them so comprehensivly. And how do they sleep at night knowing they have done it.

 

How do you leave behind something that has been an intergral part of your being for so long. Its an amputation of the soul....

 

The pain your going through is a sense of losing a potential, your sorrow is over "what could have been" but it was never real.

 

if you were to get bumped on the head and experienced amnesia, you would not feel the way you did, as a matter of fact, you would just go on your happy way . so the pain is not anything she is doing to you, the pain is what you cause yourself. I know its not easy I have been there big time.

 

All i can say is that the longer you maintain NC the better, the more new experiences you put between her and you, the better. and the faster you'll be free.