Headmash

[LadyV]

Here's a quick question/situation & all thoughts would be good.

 

'You end a long relationship (don't know how you feel about her anymore & you've loads of s*** going on with work & generally not being happy) but still initiate contact & reply to texts from the ex.'

 

He bailed, has hit rock-bottom since walking away through a combination of things (i didn't know the extent of his probs) but still wants contact. Although it ended on v bad terms, i've tried to put an end to the bad feelings. He's phoned/text at random times, & always texts back within 10mins asking how i am & hoping that i'm good, but i know that he can ignore as he's doing that to some of his mates.

 

What's going on in his head?

[2cute2bstressed]

i dont really understand your situation maybe you could be a little more clear as far as the situation

[DN]

What is also important is: What is going on in your head and what do you want? Do you want him back?

[Day_Walker]

People here can only speculate as to what he is thinking. I dont feel that its appropriate instead I think its best for you to know what you want in this situation. As long as you are clear on what you want then you will be fine.

[LadyV]

We were together for 4 years & i ended the relationship as i doubted my feelings. We stayed in regular contact over the next 14 months & whilst i knew i'd made a mistake after a year, i needed to be sure so as not to hurt him again. Well, it hit me in Xmas 2004 & i told him how i felt (i was sorry, regretted walking away & wanted to spend the rest of my life with him). He was extremely shocked & said he couldn't at first, but after 2 months, came back.

 

Things were great at the start but after 3 months (May 2005) he walked away (he didn't feel how he should, wanted to be on his own & couldn't forget the past). I was devastated & chased for answers for approx 6 wks but he couldn't give me any. I initiated NC & in that time, he pretty much had a break-down (work, his house, where he is in life, etc.) & realised he couldn't cope with what was going on. Since opening up, we've spoken once but the conversation was v difficult & since then, we've started texting. He's initiated contact & whenever i text, he replies straight away (usually saying he's either alright/ok & hoping i'm good).

 

I don't know what to think. I want to be there for him at the mo because of what's going on but at the same time, i'm still hoping that he'll come back. Could it be the case that all of the stresses/probs that he's having could've contributed to him walking away (questioning/doubting everything) or am i just kidding myself?????

 

All thoughts would be good

[DN]

Why don't you talk to him aout how you feel and ask him how he feels. When you need information it is almost always best to go to the source.

[LadyV]

At the mo, i can't speak to him.

 

We last spoke about a month ago & on the Saturday (when he opened up about what'd happened to him), we had a great conversation & things were looking up, with him insisting that i needed to know that the break-up wasn't personal but purely situational/timing. However, when we spoke 3 days later it was v difficult. Whilst we had a laugh in parts, he said alot of hurtful things, seemed really distant & like a d***, i ended up in tears.

 

Whilst i'm doing alot better than i was, i know that we can't speak because its too hard. However, i'm finding that texting is ok because i'm fine with it & i can be there for him at a distance. I'd love to walk away (like most people advise), switch off & not think about him, but i can't & it's not easy.

However, i know that i've got to sit back now & let him initiate all/most of the contact. I'm not into game-playing but i need to know that he's not replying because he feels he has to & instead, he contacts because he wants to. Does that make sense?