Penny1041 Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 I am forced to live with the guy who broke my heart when he broke up with me last week. Actually its been more like two weeks. He said he didnt love me anymore. He told me that for the first time ever, he looks at this girl at work and he has feelings for her... I have two kids, not by him but they live with me. I have no where else to move to, I m stuck here till I can afford to move out. I have cried and begged him not to do this, I thought we should try and work out the problems we had. He didnt want to work on our relationship. So, I am left here, still in love with this man, while he is moving on to someone else. I have to live with him and pretend I am not as hurt as I am... and pretned like we are still friends while he tries to date this girl. Its killing me inside, its like watching a car accident over and over again.. He acts like everything is fine and.. well, we still have sex, almost daily. At first I didnt want him near me, but then...I couldnt live with him, or sleep in the same bed without wanting him so badly. I feel like a [deleted for profanity] but then, on the other hand I want him back, and pushing him away isnt the answer. is it? He barely notices me, he acts like I dont matter and he could care less about what happens with me. It hurts so much because I am more obsessed then before with what he is doing, how hes feeling, and I just want to near him... Ive tried to occupy my time but it hasnt worked.. I just want things to be like they were before... how do i get him back? Am I making things worse by having sex with him? I know things would be different if I wasnt living here. I could ignore him and maybe go on with my life, but moving out just isnt possible right now.. what am I to do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Penny Link to comment
Bounder Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 What I dont understand is how can he have sex with you after doing what he did? Thats terrible.... Link to comment
Bounder Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 Maybe try staying witha friend, or at least sleep on the couch or something to avoid that awkwardness? Link to comment
Reilly2856 Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 I agree with Bounder. After what you ex said to you....why would you be intimate with him? I know you still have feelings for him and such, but he's now movnig on....then he's plain using you. Have some pride girl, and don't let him run all over you. Start loooking for another place to stay, and in the meantime, conduct yourself in a manner appropriate to this situation: act as roomies/friends....but dont let him use u or hurt u any more emotionally than he already has. Link to comment
DN Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 Penny, in a previous post you said you had strated cutting because of this guy and the break-up. Are you still doing that? Link to comment
CinnamonGirl Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 Who does this guy think he is? And most importantly who does he think you are to "still have sex with you". I know we all have sexual needs, but is this necessary? Do you have a job? A good enough job to save money to move out? Who is on the lease? Can you tell him to hit the pavement? Link to comment
DN Posted August 21, 2005 Share Posted August 21, 2005 Who does this guy think he is? And most importantly who does he think you are to "still have sex with you". He is using you as some sort of doormat. Do you think you are a doormat? I know we all have sexual needs, but is this necessary? Do you have a job? A good enough job to save money to move out? Who is on the lease? Can you tell him to hit the pavement? But also remember that you are having sex with him as much as he is having sex with you. You are also making this decision and you can always say "No". Which I think you should. Link to comment
ggoman Posted August 22, 2005 Share Posted August 22, 2005 Penny, You absolutely MUST stop having sex with him. You are using the sex as a way to feel close to him, since it is this closeness you crave so much. Unfortunately you are only getting a temporary escape from the pain when you do this, but at the same time you are increasing your attachment to this man. This will only prolong your misery in the long run. Trust me, this is not helping you at all. This temptation is very strong when it is available and you are suffering. Anything you can do to get away from seeing him would be a good thing at this point. I know it hurts to even read the previous sentence, but I'm sure others will back me on this. Stay strong... you will get better. Link to comment
Penny1041 Posted August 22, 2005 Author Share Posted August 22, 2005 Wow, I did not expect those kind of responses. I seriously had no idea it was so terrible that I was having sex with him. I know he is usimg me, but I thought I was using him too in my own way... And I did say in a previous post that things have gotten so bad that I have started cutting myself... I hate even admitting that but its true. I dont sleep with him in hopes he will take me back, I know he wont. I dont want him back anyway. I could never really trust him again after he hurt me like this. But because we are forced to get along with one another.. I stuff some of my feelings down inside myself otherwise, I think I would be so angry that I couldnt stand to even look at him. Alot of people said to stay at a friends... well, I dont have many friends, and no one that has room for me. I could stay away from him and say no to sex... I didnt think that was the thing hurtng me, but it makes sense that it is.. and NO, I AM NOT A DOOR MAT. This man loved me for four years, sure we had problems but I honestly did not know he stopped loving me.. This has been the hardest thing ever for me to deal with. Its alot to absorb so, if I am not acting pollitically correct, its just because I cant think straight. I am glad I posted and got everyones advice and opinion. It really helps, thank you guys... Penny Link to comment
yo Posted August 23, 2005 Share Posted August 23, 2005 Hey Penny, I know he is usimg me, but I thought I was using him too in my own way How are you using him? He's enjoying it. You are not hurting him back in any way! As ggoman said, you are trying to escape from the pain temporarily. I am sorry for telling you this bluntly but, this guy is not coming back to you - with or without sex! So, you have to take care of yourself. Stop talking to him compeletely. Sleep in a different room or on the couch. Avoid him as much as possible and when you save enough, move out. Be strong. We are all there for you. Things will definitely get better. Link to comment
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