My friend and I like the same guy...

[northernlights]

Gosh, I feel like I'm in middle school again. I thought these kind of cliche problems only happen in teeny movies, but it's actually happened to me and my friend.

 

To put it simply, my friend and I are pretty close even though we've only known each other for four weeks. (Summer school friends) She confided in me that she was head over heels crazy for one of the guys we usually hang around. And somehow, two weeks later, I fell for the same guy. She knows this, and says it's okay for both of us to like him, because neither of us has a chance with him anyway. She did mention though, that IF one of us had a chance with him, it would be unfair.

 

The thing I kept to myself is that I know he likes me too. I think she's picked up on this by herself though, because he flirts a lot with me. And it seems that the more he has been flirting with me, the more distant she has become from me.

 

I know nothing will happen between me and this guy because our summer is almost over, but I still like just flirting with him. In addition, this guy will be visiting my home city in the winter for three months, so there may still be hope for something more. I don't want to hurt my friend or our friendship though, and I will also be seeing my friend during vacations so it's not like our friendship will end with the end of summer.

 

Ahh I don't know what to do at all! This girl is one of the better friends I have met in my life, but this guy is also one of the better potential interests I have met in my life. He's the type of guy I always complained I would never find before.

[saint_saul]

Man, that royally sucks. It is kind of unfair for you to have a potential relationship with him, knowing her feelings. If I were you, I would just wait things out and see how everything plays. Don't risk your friendship over the guy, though, even if you do see him as someone you would really be interested in. Unless, of course, things start to get serious (beyond flirting). If it turns out like that in the future, you should talk to your friend about her feelings towards him (because hell, she could easily move on to someone else) and see if she would feel violated if you two hooked up. More than likely, she probably would, but it's best to talk to her about it so she doesn't feel like you're going around her back -- that would only complicate things. If she's a close friend and cares about you, she will probably be okay with you two, unless she is really obsessed over him. In which case, you pretty much have a huge problem. Not much advice to offer though; I say just let things move on casually without stirring up a bunch of drama.

[northernlights]

If she's a close friend and cares about you, she will probably be okay with you two, unless she is really obsessed over him. In which case, you pretty much have a huge problem..

 

LOL, right, this pretty much means I'm screwed then.

 

I don't know if she's "obsessed" per say, but she did tell me that she plans to keep liking him even if he doesn't like her for the entire year, even if she won't be seeing him (he lives in England and she lives in the U.S.) until she visits England next year, because it will help her remain "pure" and prevent her from randomly hooking up with guys. (If she has something to hold onto, she won't go looking for hookups elsewhere)

[goddess23]

hey well its early. i mean let it flow. who knows where its going to be. the friendship or this guy. os its too early. but you might want to talk to this girl and just say fair game. whatever your friendship is different from chopping this guy. i think you should just see what she says see her reaction. and you guys can flirt with this guy whatever and hey if anything happens then fine.

[saint_saul]

Wow... that's a lot of attachment for a guy who lives a continent away. I can understand her logic for wanting something to hook on to, but even that's a stretch. I don't (obviously.) know your friend, but I have a feeling that within that year of not seeing him she will probably find someone, despite her foregone conclusion, and end up in a relationship or something along those lines. If not, yeah, you're pretty much screwed. Life is crueeeeeeeel.

[BillyJean714]

Since you've only known this girl for about 4 weeks, you don't really know her quite yet, and you don't know this guy that well either. It might be too early to assume that he is the man of your dreams, and it might also be too soon to assume that this girl will end up being one of your best friends. If you really like this guy and your friend knows this, then the both of you will probably be cool with the fact that maybe one of you guys are more compatible with him. It also depends on what kind of bond he feels for each of you. It could be that the two of you have a stronger bond, and vice versa- him and her.

 

The point is, ideally, if you guys are truly friends, and if he ends up being with one of you, then your friendship will still last. I mean, lets face it, maybe you click more with him than she does, or he clicks more with her than you. Either way, if the bond isn't quite there, it's better for one of you to bite the bullet, face the facts, and let go and move on. But, let the cards play out first and then see.

[WildChild]

I agree